Why — oh why — must I always apologize when someone does something to me? They bump into me. They step on the back of my foot. They crowd the elevator trying to get in, while I’m trying to get out. And yet I find myself apologizing! What’s up with that? I think it’s just my way of acknowledging the incident, without being rude, or making them feel bad. But why must I apologize? How about I just say “It’s okay.” or “Don’t worry about it.” regardless of whether they say anything or not.
But it doesn’t end there.
Sometimes I find myself going out of my way in order not to be a nuisance to people who wouldn’t show me the same courtesy. For example:
I was at Best Buy with my Dad. It was right after Christmas so the line was enormous. We got about halfway to the register when he remembered that he wanted to show me the Samsung television he was looking at, which apparently got the best score in Consumer Reports. He told me where it was, but I didn’t want to leave the line to look at it. I worried that people would get annoyed at the sight of me getting back on line if they didn’t know the situation. So I didn’t do it, feeling bad that I made it seem that I didn’t share my Dad’s interest in the TV, but I didn’t think it would be worth the hassle of potentially annoying fellow line waiters.
So when we get to the front of the line, we’re paying separately so my Dad gets called to a register before me. The register is very close, and I overhear him being asked for his Best Buy card, but he doesn’t have one. I do though, and I step off the line saying “You can use mine.” Just then the next customer on line is called and the guy after me takes it right out from under me! I know it’s a misunderstanding, but it’s thoughtless on his part and it just irks me that it happened, especially after I didn’t go look at the TV because I worried about what other people would think.
But I can’t start being a jerk just because so many other people around me are jerks. It’s just not the type of person I am. I’m the kind of guy who’s parents don’t call him on the train because they know how much he doesn’t like talking on the train and bothering other people. The kind of guy who cleans every flake of snow off his car, just to drive behind the person who only wiped what was necessary to see out the back window while the rest of the snow flies at me so I can’t see.
I don’t really know what the point of this post is. To tell you how awesome I am, perhaps? But you already knew that. So I guess I’ll ask what pet peeves drive you crazy and the lengths you go through to avoid doing these peevish things yourself, while others continue to not show you the same courtesy.
I tend not to be a chatty person when I interface with strangers. I like to use the phrase, “excuse me”, because it can mean both, “pardon me”, or ,”please get out of my way”, depending upon the inflection. The connotation is more important than the denotation. I like to have my own personal space, but if I am in an enclosed crowded environment I expect that people may bump into me. In those situations I generally don’t say anything. In the open people tend to give me a wide enough birth that they don’t usually bump me. I think that my body language helps to defend my personal space.
I hate it when people don’t drive with their headlights on at night. I will flash my lights at them, and if they are close enough I will not hesitate to yell out my window for them to turn on their lights.
I don’t like people who needlessly obstruct the passing lane either. I also don’t like people who weave through traffic in a reckless manor (often without signaling).
I hate it when people force me to breath their cigarette smoke. Fortunately, thanks to improved legislation and greater societal awareness I encounter this less often than I used to. I still hate it when I have to drive behind a smoker.
I don’t like it when people leave barking dogs outside to annoy their neighbors. People used to walk dogs. That seems to be less common as more people want the companionship of pets without the responsibility of properly caring for them.
On a note related to etiquette I don’t say anything when people sneeze. Not because I am rude, but because I feel like they might not want people drawing unnecessary attention to the fact that they sneezed.
Tam: I still signal when I am in a turning lane. Other people may not be aware that it is a turning lane, so seeing my signal emphasizes my intention and may further suggest the purpose of the lane.
birth = berth Ugh.
You’re awsome! But we already knew that.
I’ve gotten to the point of saying “excuse you” when someone interferes with my space. This happens mostly when people cut corners on the wrong side. Here in America we drive and walk on the right…which means if you’re going around a corner that goes left you do NOT hug the wall to the left.
I’ve nearly lost several lunches when I have to come to a sudden stop if a person appears around the corner. And to make it worse, they think it’s my fault. Usually I just stop and stare at them with that “I hate you” look until they move on
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No more mr. nice heath …. excuse me? no excuse YOU.
Heather: Loved your quip with “No problema”. But your use of the phrase “female problems” gives me a hankering for one of John Waters’s finest offerings. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072979/
Craig: regard this as a Netflix suggestion. (You too, Heather. : – ) )
um just off the top of my head from this morning, when people lean against the entire pole so u have no where to hold onto, especially when ur on the shorter side and u cant reach the top handles without being uncomfortable. onot to mention drivers who have no idea what a directional is. they just decide to slowwww down cause u to scream out the window only for them to be turning, whennn they could have avoided the aggravation by just signaling!!!!! lol
I read this post a few days ago, but only now have a chance to comment. I do the same thing as you Craig, and sometimes it also bothers me. I wonder why I am bothering when no one else seems to. I have too many pet peeves to relate here, but I agree with everyone above! Personal space is a big one for me also. I once was standing in line at the grocery store checkout and some old geezer came up behind me and almost cut in front of me, then he asked me “Are you in line”. I said “Yes, I’m just giving that person their personal space”. Then he proceeded to stand RIGHT behind me and bump into me several times with his arms, various grocery items, etc. I hope out of whatever faculties I may lose when I’m older, patience isn’t one of them. Keep up the good work Craig. The world is a happier place because of you!