Monthly Archives: February 2009

Elixir of the Unicorn

February 10, 2009
By


For days the able men of the village hunted the unicorn. But they always came back with only the weapons in their hands and sweat on their brows. A woman was ill and it was said that only the horn of a unicorn could save her. But too well the unicorn hid from its hunters.

One night the woman’s young son took it upon himself to enter the woods and continue the search for the unicorn. He wandered through the maze of trees until the light of the unicorn caught his eye as it drank at the stream.

“Behold!” the boy exclaimed. “I have found that which evaded my fathers!”

The unicorn looked up from its drink and seeing no weapon in the boy’s hand called back, “Behold! The son of the men I evaded so well! Either you are a very wise young man or I am just a stupid horse.”

The boy laughed. “Neither sir. I believe it is fate that brought us together. For you see, it is because of my mother that the men hunted you. She is very sick and it is said that only your horn can save her.”

“And you do not wish to take it from me by force?”

“Surely not!” said the boy. “I would think of no such thing! Besides, as we’ve already concluded I am not wise and you are by no means stupid, so I could never best you.”

The unicorn laughed and moved closer to the boy. Moving into the light of the moon, the unicorn shimmered as if it were born from the same heavenly mother.

“Well you are only half right on both accounts,” said the unicorn. “First, you were very wise not to come to me with death on your mind, for a unicorn’s horn can only be given in peace. Second, it can only ease your mother’s pain for a time. Not cure her outright.”

The boy looked down, saddened.

“Do not be sad, dear one,” said the unicorn as it cracked a small fragment of its horn off on a rock. “Take this and put it under your mother’s pillow and she will feel better.”

The boy picked the fragment up off the ground and held it tight in his hand. He felt its warmth surge through him.

“Come back every night and I’ll give you a new piece to place under her pillow.”

“Thank you sir,” said the boy, beaming. Then he ran back home to his sleeping mother. She tossed and turned, but as he slipped the fragment under her pillow she let out a sigh and fell into a deeper sleep.

The next morning the boy found his mother awake and smiling. Something he could not remember seeing in a long, long time. And the weeks that followed were the most joyous of their recent days. Every night the boy would sneak away and collect another fragment of the unicorn’s horn, and every day he would play games with his mother and tell stories that were only mostly true, and she would clap and sing and never cry.

Soon the boy would no longer meet the unicorn out in the woods, but he always found the fragment waiting for him on the same rock by the same stream, and it mattered little to him because his mother was feeling eased in her troubles and that was what mattered most.

One night as the boy readied himself to go out into the woods there was a tapping on his window. He opened it to find the unicorn standing in the moonlight, shimmering less than he remembered. And to his surprise the unicorn’s horn was little more than a flat circle between its eyes.

“It is time, dear one,” said the unicorn. “I have no more horn to give you, and a unicorn cannot live without its horn. But I have one more gift to give.”

“But what about my mother!” the boy cried. “She’s going to suffer all over again!”

“No I won’t, son.” The boy turned to find his mother standing at his bedroom door.

“My dear lady,” said the unicorn. “I have nothing left to give but my companionship as we take this final journey together.” The boy looked back at the unicorn to see it bowing down on its forelegs.

When the boy looked back at his bedroom door, his mother was no longer there. He ran outside to see her climbing onto the unicorn’s back, barefoot and still in her nightrobe.

“I want to go with you!” the boy cried.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, dear one. You have much more still to do in this world.”

The boy looked up at his mother and saw the sickness creep back into her face and diminish the happiness she tried to project outward for her son. He smiled, knowing that the unicorn would take care of her, just as it had all along.

“Make haste if you can, my lord,” said the boy. “Though I do not wish to see my mother go, I want her to feel the wind in her hair one more time.”

The unicorn leapt forward and began their journey to the horizon.

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Puntabulous Guest Debate: What is the Best Pop Icon?

February 9, 2009
By

Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of Puntabulous Guest Debates! Today I welcome the fabulous and talented Jewelz from the blog World According to Jewelz. In today’s debate the opponents may be pint-sized, but the stakes have never been larger!

WHAT IS THE BEST POP ICON?


Jewelz: First off, much as one would like to be all peaceful, loving, communal, and non-judging… this one fact remains: Appearances count for A LOT. My favorite Pop Icon of ALL TIME would be none other than HELLO KITTY. I have unabashedly worshiped her (in an almost deity-type way) since she came on the social scene of my 10 year old world back in 1976. Now… looking at Hello Kitty, you will see a sweet, almost virginal, kitty face with wide eyes (all the better to appreciate the wonders of the world) and no mouth (because she speaks from her heart). She also has a wide variety of accouterments that serve to show that not only is she a pop icon, but she is a trend-setting fashionista as well. She wears a wide assortment of colored bows, flowers, crowns, and even the occasional gothic punk get-up (proving that she truly is appealing to the many demographics in the population).


Craig: Oh my my my, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree. The best Pop Icon of all time is OF COURSE Ms. Pac-Man. Not only is she the best Pop Icon of all time, she is the best video game of all time. When video games were all about the boys, Ms. Pac-Man burst onto the scene with larger than life attitude, mouth, and bow and she conquered everything in her path. Oh, did I mention that she’s kinda like a superhero too? Because she dedicates her life to killing ghosts. Except that she doesn’t wear a disguise because she’s just that badass. In fact, without her, I’m pretty sure there would never have been a Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sydney Bristow, not to mention the human race, because Inky, Blinky, Winky and Sue would have killed us all if not for her dedication. Whenever someone says “Who ya gonna call?” I always reply “Ms. Pac-Man!”


Jewelz: While you may think Ms. Pac-Man is a virtual (i.e. because she really only lives on in outdated video games that are set up at hole-in-the wall dive bars) superhero, you are oh so very wrong my friend. First off, she doesn’t wear a cape, and ALL Superheroes worth their weight in spandex wear capes. Also, looking at Ms. Pac-Man all I can say (and this is putting it as kindly as I can), is that she looks like a pie chart. Sure, they tried to dress her up with some lipstick (whorish color, in my opinion), a bow (which only comes in red, and I’m sorry to inform you that red does NOT go with everything), and she has no appendages with which to move around (which defies the laws of physics… it’s not like she has one of those Rascal Scooters to help her along). Plus, while Hello Kitty brings a message of peace, love, and harmony, your so-called “superhero” simply munches up pixel-laden ghosts and says “waka-waka-waka”.


Craig: Oh there are so many things wrong with your statement! The ghosts only say “waka-waka-waka” to trick you into thinking they are cute little Fozzy ghosts! But they’re not! They are evil and vicious and only Ms. Pac-Man can protect us from their wrath! Secondly, I’ve seen many pictures of Hello Kitty with a red bow in her hair! Are you saying she’s a whore or makes redundant fashion choices? You know what I DON’T see pictures of Hello Kitty doing? Saving the world! In fact, what does she even do? She just sits there like a lump of uselessness. She doesn’t even have a mouth! She couldn’t eat deadly ghosts even if she wanted to! Not that she would because she’s too busy sitting there collecting flowers or holding a teddy bear, or any number of things that contribute absolutely nothing to society. Hello Kitty may be hoping for world peace, but there’s a difference between wishing for it, and making it happen.


Jewelz: Saving the world isn’t ALWAYS about showing off your ability to eat stupid little ghosties who multiply simply by sending their squinky eyeballs back to the “Monster Making Machine”. Someone might want to mention the words “Weight Watchers” to Ms. Pac-Man, because she seems to munch down floating cherries and pretzels on sight as well. Let’s practice some self-control, shall we??? Anydoodle, sometimes saving the world happens simply through showing by example. Hello Kitty spreads her world peace message by happily skipping through meadows and collecting friends as well as flowers. She also designs a multitude of products that are helpful to the human race as a whole… keyboards, vacuum cleaners, toasters, coffeemakers, luggage, and even a vibrator!!! And as far as being bad ass, IF some stupid little ghost named Inky, Blinky, Winky, or Sue managed to find their way out of their maze, Hello Kitty also has an official AK-47 with her endorsement. Often times world peace is brought about by those who live by example. Other times, it’s brought about by force. And with an AK-47 in her back pocket and a whole world of Sanrio friends who would stand by her in her time of need, Hello Kitty is a helluva force to contend with.


Craig: Hello! Hello Kitty didn’t DESIGN all those products. She just sold out to consumerist America for a quick buck. What kind of image is she trying to portray? A caffeine addicted maid with a penchant for carbohydrates and masturbation? Is that really the image we want to be giving our children? Ms. Pac-Man on the other hand is an inspiration to children all over the world! She isn’t afraid to be a larger than life woman. She’s like the Mo’Nique of the video game world! And she’s showing children that you don’t have to be an anorexic, feable-minded little kitty to be a beautiful strong woman. Didn’t you know? Waifish went out of style after Ally McBeal got canceled. It’s all about women with a little meat on their bones these days! And if you ask me, it appears to be paying off because Ms. Pac-Man landed herself a Pac-Man and some adorable little Pac-Babies. Poor Hello Kitty is sad and alone. She’ll die an old maid (with a penchant for carbohydrates and masturbation) and no one will be there at her funeral to say Goodbye Kitty!


Jewelz: Oh, oh, oh… what a tangled web of deceit Ms. Pac-Man weaves. While she is out whoring around with her bright red lipstick and oversized bow, Mr. Pac-Man is at home dealing with a bunch of whiney-ass Pac-Babies… most of whom bear a striking resemblance to Inky, Blinky, Winky, and even Sue! Hello Kitty will most definitely NOT be dying as an old maid. If you ever visit SanrioTown, you will find that she has an entire family, and even a boyfriend named Daniel. She has friends the world over: Badtzmaru, My Melody, Little Twin Stars, Charmy Kitty, Cinnamaroll, Keroppi, Pocaccho, not to mention the entire Asian continent. PLUS all of her fans here. Her funeral (heaven forbid) would be “standing room only”. As far as carb-loading and masturbation are concerned, what Hello Kitty does behind closed doors is her business only (after all… if she doesn’t speak it from her heart, we aren’t going to be hearing about it). She does wonderfully positive PR events like attending weddings as a special guest and store openings with gigantic Swarovski crystal covered statues of her. Your “hero” stars in D-List Porn movies and has reproductions of her made out of Post-It notes. Clearly part of being The All Time Greatest Pop Icon has to do with having some amount of class. Hello Kitty is able to pick and choose, apparently Ms. Pac-Man will simply take the highest bidder.


Craig: Now you’re just getting ridiculous! To insinuate that Pac-Man is not the father of Ms. Pac-Man’s babies is just outrageous. And to suggest that their father is actually one of the ghosts? Ghastly! Someone’s been watching a bit too much Grey’s Anatomy if you think anyone can get it on with a ghost. And all these PR events and weddings you keep prattling on about only help to reinforce the fact that Hello Kitty doesn’t do anything. She’s like the Paris Hilton of pop icons! She’s famous for being famous. You say she makes the world a better place by spreading joy and making people feel better, but how can that be the case if she does not make ME feel better? And that’s the major catch that makes Hello Kitty so lame. The only way she spreads joy is if you’re already a fan of her’s and you enjoy seeing her. Ms. Pac-Man on the other hand is a feminist icon and her mere existence is helping women the world over, not just the women who like her. And Cinnamaroll? Seriously?


Jewelz: Before I say anything else… Paris Hilton is a total “wannabe’ as far as Hello Kitty is concerned. Paris wears clothes and ‘bling’ that has Hello Kitty on it. Hello Kitty does NOT wear any items designed by Paris Hilton. Hello Kitty has far too much class for that. In fact, she has designers like Kimora Lee Simmons copying her famous fashion sense. Now, back to ‘saving the world’ and all of that horseshit. Hello Kitty does waaaaay more than just show up at social events. She has a flipping entire amusement park dedicated to her, which shows the devotion of the global populace… and not just women either. She doesn’t do gender discrimination the way that Ms.Pac-Man does. And if Ms. Pac-Man is the feminist in which you claim her to be, then why the hell did she take Pac-Man’s name when they married? She’s a pretender, no real substance there. In fact, I’m even questioning if she truly exists or if perhaps it was simply a public relations spin for Pac-Man himself. Dress him up to look like a girl (cross-dressing isn’t exactly an unknown phenomenon, you know) and all of sudden he’s popular again. I’m not a “twig” by any stretch of the imagination, but I wouldn’t be using Ms.Pac-Man as my role model for body image. I’m all for embracing who you are, but puh-leez… she looks like a bright yellow pizza with a piece already eaten by one of her lame fans, no doubt. Not that she has any… oh wait, she has YOU. (You probably ate the piece of pizza, didn’t you?)


Craig: First of all, Ms. Pac-Man does not look like pizza, pizza looks like Ms. Pac-Man. Secondly, saying that Ms. Pac-Man is lame because she looks like a pizza doesn’t make any sense. Pizza is awesome, and therefore would only add to Ms. Pac-Man’s awesomeness. Now, I’ve tried to be gentle, but the time for gentleness has passed. It’s time that I got right down to business, and if it sounds mean, there’s nothing I can do to help it. Hello Kitty is a freak. I mean, have you LOOKED at her? I mean, REALLY looked at her? Her dark beady eyes are about a mile apart, and her whiskers are in the wrong place. What the fuzz are they doing on the other side of her eyes? They’re supposed to be around her nose. And then there’s her mouth. Oh wait, what mouth? And she’s almost always sitting. I have a sneaking suspicion those little stubs she calls legs don’t even work. If Hello Kitty were an actual kitty, she’d be put down before you could say “waka waka”.


Jewelz: My, my, my….the gloves have come off indeed, and now my Hello Kitty claws are sharpened and ready for some serious action. Ms. Pac-Man is a HAS BEEN. Ask anyone below the age of say… 30ish and they have know freaking clue WHO Ms. Pac-Man is. Mention Hello Kitty’s name? And every one knows who you are referring to. She is simply that intensely popular, which is just one of the reasons she is the ultimate Pop Icon of ALL Times. I’m a little confused by your reference to Hello Kitty’s legs, because at least she HAS some. What the hell does Ms.Pac-Man use for transport? Does she just pass a lot of gas from all of that eating and the force moves her forward? Is she using some sort of invisible flying rug? She has NO arms OR legs. Maybe she’s using Hello Kitty’s car or airplane to get around. Hello Kitty uses her legs for skipping and her arms for hugging. Ms. Pac-Man uses that rather formidable looking mouth to eat whatever crosses her path. Hello Kitty doesn’t need a mouth because she speaks from her heart, and isn’t that really the way problems get solved? World peace and problems aren’t solved by superheroes (they’re all drunk back at the Hall of Justice). It comes from people sitting down face to face and simply working it out by sharing their feelings and accepting the feelings of the other. Hello Kitty is like the global epitome of “problem solving through peace”. And finally, Hello Kitty has “macho people” who wear things with her image on them. Ms. Pac-Man has people dressed up in sad little cardboard costumes that were obviously made by people who wear helmets.


You say cardboard, I say innovation! Whoever has the time and money to put together a Hello Kitty Darth Vader costume obviously has to work through some serious prioritization issues. And also, gay gay gay! Seriously, that costume is gayer than Hayden Christensen. Cardboard costumes harken back to the days of yore, when we were all broke college students, and we’d steal quarters from our laundry money jars so we could taste the sweet success of getting to the scary red maze board after a hard physics test. Or to meeting friends at the townie bar where they had Ms. Pac-Man rather than the lame student club where drunk college girls would get their Hello Kitty glitter in our Milwaukee’s Best. Or to playing all hours of the night with my best friend Robin where she would kick my ass without fail, and I’d hear stories of her epic trials playing the elusive Turbo Ms. Pac-Man on a dark and stormy night. You can keep your fancy costumes, your fancy vibrators, and your fancy arms and legs. Who needs them?! I have Ms. Pac-Man, the strength to fight demonic poltergeists, and the courage to insert 25 cents bitches!

—

So who do you guys think won?

Be sure to head over to Jewelz’ blog: World According to Jewelz!

Think you could do better? Send me an e-mail with a topic you’d like to debate with me! If you’ve previously sent me a topic, and I never got back to you, or if we haven’t started the debating process yet, send me a reminder! I’m very forgetful! If you can’t think of a topic, but want to do a debate, send me an e-mail with your interests and we’ll work one out together! For more Puntabulous Debates CLICK HERE!

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The Intimidating Gifted Jedi!

February 8, 2009
By

I found The Hero Factory thanks to Chris. The automatically generated name they gave me is kinda lame, but otherwise it’s a fun way to waste spend 15 minutes. Here I am:

And yes, that is what my body would look like in spandex. Go make your own then upload it to the Argyle Lounge’s photo collection so we can all see!

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I Miss Pushing Daisies :-(

February 7, 2009
By

Soooooo much. At the very least I want to get the final three episodes so we can finally have some closure. We haven’t had a new episode in forever! We better get them soon, or Craig will be a very sad boy. In the meantime, I find comfort in the incredible musical scenes from previous episodes:

Eternal Flame:

Morning Has Broken:

Hopelessly Devoted:

Birdhouse in Your Soul:

The Sound of Music Spoof:

Come back soon Pushing Daisies!

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Notes of Randomocity

February 6, 2009
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1. Is it me or has 90210 been especially awesome lately? The Adrianna storyline is pure delight, which is shocking because I hated her character in the beginning, but now she just might be my favorite part of the show! The drama with Ty and his family and then her Mom stepping up and being sassy and fun was pretty fantastic!

2. So we’re loving the new season of Battlestar Galactica, right? I love how the old Adama, Roslin, and Starbuck are coming back around again. We admired these characters so much during the first few seasons, but lately they were becoming complacent and/or obnoxious. But it seems now they have a renewed sense of energy that is bringing their awesome back. And remember those predicitions I made? I’m not going to say “In your face! In yo faaaaace!” quite yet because everything is still a little vague, but I’m pretty sure part of my EARTH prediction was proven true. Boo-ya!

3. David sent this to me and I love it. (click to enlargify)

4. Brian sent me this link about how this amazing horror writer Joe Schreiber is writing a new horror novel, which takes place in everyone’s favorite galaxy far far away called Deathtroopers. And one look at the cover art makes this Star Wars dork a very very excited fanboy.

5. My Planet Earth daily desk calendar is a piece of crap. Seriously, it’s so useless, which is very disappointing. They’ve used the same picture two days in a row a bunch of times, just at slightly different angles. And the Planet Earth trivia is all about energy conservation like today’s for instance: “Did you know: Turning down the thermostat at home while you’re at work can reduce your energy consumption?” Oh really? I never would have thought of that! Obviously if I’m dorky enough to own the Planet Earth desk calendar, I’m dorky enough to be conscious of my energy conservation. Grumble grumble grumble.

6. I’ve been addicted to Wii Mario Kart lately, mostly due to playing at my brother and sister-in-law’s house with them and my nephew Jack. My brother John also showed me how to read my “license” and see which trophies I have and which ones I need, which makes playing much more fun and addictive because now I have goals in mind, rather than just playing willy nilly. And I got far enough so now I can play with my Mii character! It shouldn’t really make a difference, but there’s just something joyous about a little cartoon version of yourself riding a motorbike. One of these days I’m going to organize a Mario Kart tournament for Puntabulous readers. Let me know if you’re interested!

7. And then there is THIS.

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I’m Haunted by the Number Forty-One

February 5, 2009
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Remember that crappy Jim Carrey movie where he was obsessed with the number twenty-three? Well I’m starting to obsess about the number forty-one. I see it everywhere! It started in college when I was a cashier at Price Chopper, and I’d get excited about returning 41 cents in change because it’s just one of each coin: quarter, dime, nickel, penny. Yes, I excite easily. And now I take the 5:41 PM train home from work. But now I’m starting to see it everywhere. I can be looking at a sheet of paper covered in numbers and the 41 just jumps out at me every time (still not one word). Why is that?

Naturally I went right to the source of everything honest, true, and user-generated: Wikipedia, to see if there was anything crazy about the number forty-one, which might explain why I’m haunted by it. I do this because my life isn’t that exciting, and even if I was being taken over by some sort of demon of the 41st order of Hell, it would at least be a form of excitement, and might even get me out of going to work for a week or two. But seriously, all the number forty-one facts were completely lame and uninteresting. For instance:

1. Forty-one is the precinct number that appears on the NYC police car in the film Ghostbusters during the earthquake moment of the film’s climax. Like, what? The only thing scary about that is the fact that someone actually took the time to submit that to Wikipedia.

2. Forty-one is the sum of two squares, 42 + 52 Also very lame. What does this have to do with my brain getting taken over by aliens?

3. In Christianity, 41 represents the 39 lashes Jesus Christ received before the crucifixion, plus one for the spear in His side, plus one for the crown of thorns. Okay, now they’re just throwing things against the wall and seeing what sticks. I was raised Catholic and we were never taught any of this addition business. It’s 39 lashes. Why the heck would you add those two completely different things to come up with this number? Lame.

There’s a bunch of other stupid facts about the number forty-one, but I won’t bore you with them here. Go check them out yourself. So I’ve been forced to come up with my own conclusion. Here goes:

MY THEORY

Two weekends ago I was asked for ID when I bought a lottery ticket. For those of you outside the United States, the age requirement to buy lottery tickets is 18. EIGHTEEN! I’m twenty-seven. But whatever, I don’t mind being carded. I have a young face and I’ll appreciate it even more when I’m older and (hopefully) still getting carded.

But then the other day my new boss at work asked me if I have any kids. Now while I was taken back by the question, being twenty-seven and having kids isn’t really that out of the ordinary. I guess I was just so surprised because people always assume I’m younger and I’ve never been asked that question before. So why would I be carded for lottery tickets one day, then asked about having kids another day?

I’ll tell you why. I’m only alive for forty-one seconds out of everyone else’s sixty second minutes. But it’s not like I die for 19 solid seconds every minute. I just kind of fade in and out of existence for 31.7% of the time. It’s so subtle you or I don’t even realize it’s happening. It would also help explain why I’m able to sit in front of the television for so long! Because I’m only consciously spending 68.3% of the time that you would be doing in the same time. So if you take my age of 27 years and divide out the 31.7% of time I’m not alive, you get my true age of 18.441. (There’s that 41 again!) So technically I have two ages, and the age you see me at depends on whether your mind is receptive to time fluctuations and the spaces between life and death.

So being haunted by the number forty-one is the world’s way of explaining to me why people see me at such different age discrepancies. It also allows me to calculate my potential life expectancy and plan out my life accordingly. If the average life expectancy is 75.7 years, then I should live 110.8 of your years. Think of all the stuff I’ll be able to accomplish with my added lifespan! Thank you world for making me aware of my destiny!

That’s my theory anyway. I’d be interested to see if you guys could come up with anything better.

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Eff You Match Dot Com!

February 4, 2009
By


I expect this type of behavior from porn websites, which is why I make sure to cancel my subscription when I know the time period is running out, but from you Match.com? Really? Automatic resubscription? Did you know I was planning on letting my subscription run out because you are so completely useless? Did you know I find your lame HE WINKED AT YOU! e-mails which declare that we are perfect for each other because we’re both youngest children (since when is corresponding sibling order been a prerequisite for compatibility?) and dog lovers (even though I told you I prefer cats!) the most annoying things ever? Did you know that I was looking forward to putting you behind me and never looking back? Oh really? You did know all those things? Oh so that’s why you automatically resubscribed me! You clever evil bastard! Ugh. Here’s to another three months of guaranteed singlehood!

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Just when I thought Privileged couldn’t get any more awesome:

February 3, 2009
By


They start making Battlestar Galactica references! Seriously, why aren’t you watching this show? It’s freaking awesome! And it got even more awesome when the dorky and oddly frakable Zack wanted to watch an episode of BSG with his girlfriend. He was like “Remember that episode of Battlestar Galactica I told you about? Well it’s starting! Turn on your TV!” And I’m all like “Oh fun, a BSG reference!” And then he’s like “Hurry, you don’t want to miss the part where Boomer realizes she’s a Cylon.” And I squeal with delight because the writers actually know what they’re talking about and not just throwing dorky words on paper and calling it clever! Huzzah!

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City of Ember and Dark City – Reviews

February 3, 2009
By


Netflix #58 – City of Ember – Suggested by no one

Based on the 2003 novel of the same name by Jeanne Duprau, City of Ember was released last year and totally flopped. I had wanted to see it when it was out in theaters because I heard good things about it on science fiction sites and forums, but just never got the chance. But I thoroughly enjoyed it the other night. The story revolves around a city built deep underground, and two children have to find a way to escape because the city is running out of power. The atmosphere and sets were beautifully produced and shot and the acting from the kids and adults were all better than average. It reminded me a lot like Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (the best Harry Potter film, in my humble opinion) because it treated the kids with the respect they deserve. They had adult emotions and were in adult situations, but they were still kids and not Hollywood “That is wack!” kids. And the action sequences reminded me of the final forty-five minutes of Azkaban where they were adult-worthy action sequences, just with kids. The movie itself was a bit jumbled at times and probably could have been fleshed out by another half hour to add further depth and explain some loose ends, but I still enjoyed it, and now I want to read the book. So if you wanted to see it, but stayed away because of the poor box office performance, definitely give it a shot!


Netflix #59 – Dark City – Suggested by no one

Well lookie here, both movies I’m reviewing have the word “City” in them. I should have titled this post “A Tale of Two Cities”. Wait, no I shouldn’t. My google hits increased big time after I stopped using lousy post titles like “Puntabulous Does the Movies”. No one googles shit like that. So here’s a tip to all you bloggers out there: Make your post titles concise and to the point.

Anywho, this movie was awesome! How come none of you told me to see this? It was like The Matrix without the kung fu and unfortunate sequels! In fact, I wish I had seen it before The Matrix so I could have been like all the other Dark City fanboys and cried outrage when The Matrix came out a year later and was a total ripoff. The story follows a man who wakes up in a strange city, accused of murder and he has to find out what’s going on. It’s really well done and keeps you guessing the entire time because even though it’s a lot like The Matrix, there’s a whole different plot driving the story so you don’t ever know what’s coming. One of my favorite parts was seeing Kiefer Sutherland outside his tough guy role on 24. I almost forgot what a great actor he can be when he’s not torturing terrorists for the 7th day in a row. But don’t get me wrong, I love me some Jack Bauer! Anyway, if you haven’t seen this yet, I highly recommend it!

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Everything is Gayer in a Scarf

February 2, 2009
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I’ve had a theory for quite some time that anything in a scarf looks gayer than the same thing not in a scarf. But a theory is by no means fact, so I’ve taken it upon myself to test this theory and I think the results are pretty conclusive:

There we have it. Everything is gayer in a scarf. Now just be mindful of your appearance when you’re bundling up to go out in the cold. Times they are a changin’! Just as you can no longer tap your foot to that funky beat in your head at a public restroom, you can’t wear a scarf without people thinking you’re a homosexual.

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