So I wake up yesterday morning to eight inches of snow. Since we live in a society that insists upon being the best — and god forbid the world takes a freaking day off — I couldn’t do as the weather people on the news were telling me to and stay home. I had to go to work. The plows hadn’t even come down our street yet, but at 4:30 in the morning, I was bundled up in my winter gear shoveling the driveway trying to get my car out. The plow came down our block while I was shoveling the driveway, and by the time I was ten feet from the end, a car pulled up. He rolled down the window and looked at me for a moment. I thought that he might be some random passerby who wanted to warn me not to go out. That the plows hadn’t come down Main Street yet, and it was fruitless to attempt to drive. But after the brief moment passed, he pulled out a newspaper and threw it in the snow, midway between me and him, five feet away from both of us, in eight inches of snow. Here’s an MSPaint representation:
Seriously. What an asshole, right? And funnily enough, this is the first time I’ve even seen our paper delivery man. Is that what I’m supposed to call him? Paper deliver man? Paper courier? Delivery engineer? Certainly not paperboy! Did you know I used to be a paperboy? My whole family was. It got passed down from my older brothers, to my sister, to me. SIDENOTE. I only had it for a year or so on my own before we were told that we needed to start delivering the paper before 5 in the morning, or give up the paper route. While I still have a hard time imagining people paying to have their paper delivered to their house at 3 in the afternoon — when their paperboy got home from school — I remember being shocked that they would do this to us. The paperboy business was being taken over by adults!
Gone were the days of delivering papers on your bike. Bikes were replaced by cars. Gone were the days where you’d collect the weekly money from your customers in person and check them off in your little green book. Little green books were replaced with self-addressed stamped envelopes. Gone were the days when the paper would be waiting for you on your doorstep. Papers under your doormat turned into papers at the end of your driveway. So yes, people may get their paper at 5 in the morning these days, but is it worth it? Or is it worth it only because we live in a society where you need to shovel through eight inches of snow to get to work because winners go to work no matter the circumstances, and winners deserve their paper before 5 in the morning?
I was a paperboy too. I had it for a few years after my brothers had it. I hated it and gave it up as soon as I was able to get a job.
I grew up in the country, we didn’t have paper routes and where I grew up there is still only a weekly paper and its thin enough, daily would be one page of local gossip.
I had a paperboy rip me off years ago. Well, not just me. Seems for about 2 months he never turned in any of the money we’d been giving him. But strangely the newspaper kept giving him papers to deliver so none of us knew it. Weird.
One thing hasn’t changed. Some paperboys can still be dicks. (like the driver, not you)
Life is just not fair
I used to be one too with those little books. Imagine sending little kids around to strange people’s houses now, at night, to deliver the paper and collect money. I used to collect money up until 8:00 PM. Never got any action out of it though…what was wrong with me?
My paperperson-guy is the same way! He doesn’t have to throw the damn thing far in order to at least get it to the foot of the front porch, but no — sometimes it barely makes it halfway across my front yard. Bastard. The newspaper industry’s tanking, mister, take care of your customers or you’ll be out of a job!
Can you tell I’m grumpy this morning?
And I’m totally shocked that you had to work yesterday!! Long Island got quite a hit according to the news…
Hayden: Guess you had to live in Pornotown to get any action as a paperboy.
We thought you quit the paperboy biz because we used to turn you upside down and
make the money fall out of your pockets. I believe we have a photo of that-what a mean
family. Bet that quarter tip was worth it.
A friend of mine had a paper route. For about a month and a half, I accompanied him on it, just cause I was bored and it was something to do. I even did it for him for a few days when he went on vacation. We walked it, and there were specific places each paper was supposed to go, not just lying in the driveway. Course this was 22 years ago.
And I can’t believe you actually went to work. Screw dat. I’d called in and been home snuggly in bed.
HUGS…
Tam, still trying to find that town.
That is a lot of snow! I always wanted to have a paper route, but my Mom wouldn’t let me…
Your paper doesn’t come until 5am??? Slackers. I think our paper guy is pretty good about having ours delivered by 4am.
One thing he does do, if it’s wet out but he didn’t get any of those plastic bags to put over the paper, is to walk up to the front door and put the paper on its side (like a vertical pole) in front of the door so the ends might get a bit wet but most of the paper stays dry. This is very thoughtful and sweet, except that our door opens out so it’s impossible to actually pick up the paper without knocking it over into a puddle of water.
[Or maybe our paper guy isn't thoughtful and sweet after all. Maybe he's passive-aggressive and hates us.]
Whenever I see paperboys or hear them mentioned I think of Charlie Bucket, and one of the first scenes in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Especially the part when he throws the paper into the woman’s basket. Did you do cool stuff like that too??
people read the paper still?
I don’t think it’s so much about being a winner as it is the Puritan work ethic that still pervades society. If you are not at work at every opportunity you could be at work, then you are lazy and not holding up your end. Plus in this economy, if you are “lucky” enough to have a job, then you’d better be there every moment you can.
I had a newspaper subscription for a few months a year ago. They were incompetent. It took a month and an angry phone call to actually get them to deliver the paper, and even after that it would be sporadic. They could never find my account by looking up my name because the data entry person horribly mangled it (but was capable of getting it right for billing my credit card). I decided that it was more hassle than it was worth.
As of this weekend, I’ve also given up on The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Terminator has AI, cyborgs, time-travel, and a force of destiny that keeps things more or less the same despite changes to the past. It does not have magic dreams.
And since it’s Tuesday: Utah doesn’t have bars. Serving alcohol without food requires an establishment to be a private club that charges at least a minimum temporary membership fee.
Ryan: That’s why I don’t live in Utah. Well, not that I ever go to bars but I might want to some day just on a whim. What is minimum? $1.50 for a 2 hour membership?
Since Ryan brought up sci-fi, which of you are going to the Watchmen opening night? Do you think it would be worth it to go to the IMAX version? The explosions would be bigger certainly. I see its 2h42m, a longish one.
“Gone were the days” – geesh Craigers you sound old. Like me.
Newspapers are gasping for air. They know it no longer matters when they are delivered because people can get the news whenever they want -thanks to Al Gore and his Internet.
But it is sad to have it tossed in your snow bank at 5 am rather than thrown through the front window by that big mean kid from 2 blocks over.
Tam: We only had time to go to the hotel bar. Membership was included for hotel guests, but I believe it was $4 for 15 days. However, members could bring several guests.
Anytime I think of paperboys I think of the one that stalked John Cusak in Better off Dead, who kept yelling : I want my two dollars!
I know what you mean about going to work no matter what the weather. I did that for years. Then I went through about one where I realized that it wasn’t worth risking my life on icy roads. Now I’m back to going again because not going is risking losing my life (health insurance.) Sad.
Michelle: I’ve been thinking the same thing all day. “I want my $2!” and “Look at that, throwing away a perfectly good white boy.” And “And to drink, Peru.”
Tam: Not going to opening night, I want to enjoy the movie, not be surrounded by too many people with cell phones. I may see it a second time on IMAX.
Tam: I’m going with at least three friends to see Watchmen Friday evening. We were trying to get the group to go to the midnight showing, but people couldn’t get off work…damn non-governmental jobs. Anyways, yes, I’ll see it Friday. And I’m all aquiver and giggley thinking about it.
…would that mean I’m having a Watchmegasm?
HUGS….
I’ll be seeing Watchmen Friday night with the TV Group
We occasionally expand our horizons past TV shows.
When I was a paperboy I had this sweet little old lady that lived on Union Blvd. that would tip me M&M’s every week, she was my best customer!
My worst was the single mother who was never home, her teenage son said she never left the money, until she was home one day because he was suspended for smoking pot at school, guess what, she had left the money every week, well she slapped him right in frot of me and then cancelled her subscription.
I also had my route during a time when it rained 18 Sundays in a row, now that sucked! God forbid anyone’s coupons got soggy!
I cant wait for The Watchmen! Even if the fanboys are already outraged before they’ve even seen it.
GoKitty: I saw a little interview segment on Space and the host said he saw it and LOVED it and thought everyone would love it. But some people will hate it no matter what.
Maybe I’ll make my daughter go with me. After all, I went to Australia with her, she owes me. Ah crap, is 18A, I could take her but not sure that would make me a very good Mom.
Tam! You need to translate the Canadian movie ratings scales! As I’m sure you know, we here in the States have G (kid flicks), PG-13 (tweener type flicks with language), PG (teen to grown up with flicks), R (Adult and minor accompanied by adult flicks) and NR (LORDY LORDY, who knows what’s in this… flicks). There is, of course, X as well but then, we ALL know who gets to see those (wink, wink). What, pray tell, is 18A?
Bill: 18A means someone under 18 can go as long as an adult is with them. So you can take your 3 year old to an 18A movie. I talked to her about it and she’s interested, I’ll let her watch the trailer.
We have G (Hotel for Dogs), PG (Coraline, Paul Blart), 14A (under 14 needs an adult) (Slumdog Millionaire, Taken), 18A (Friday the 13th, Watchmen), and R (no one under 18 allowed). We have no X. We have XXX
. I was reading something that said there haven’t been any R movies in Canada for a long time. I can’t seem to think of any. Saw was 18A and Zack and Miri which was pretty explicit was 18A. I can’t think of any really violent or sexual movies that might have gotten an R. Oh I found one, Shortbus was rated R in Ontario. (Each province has its own system, most are similar except Quebec where anything with sex gets a lower rating.)
Tam: Your R sounds like our NC-17. Many movies get that rating and are edited so that they can get an R (your 18A) because most theaters and DVD stores refuse to sell NC-17 films.
I had a big crush on our paperboy. Remember the little tiny tickets you’d give when you collected the money? We had a dish of them by the door.
When I think of paper routes I think of Henry Huggins from the Beverly Cleary children’s books and his paper route.
john and Michelle: Two dollars! I love that movie. Think Craig will ever watch it?
I had a paper round when I was at school. I hated every second of it, even the part when they paid me because it was so little it was laughable. And the shop owners were evil, evil people who wouldn’t let me have a week off for my exams. So I left. Bastards.
Tam: I’ve seen some XXX rated movies in Toronto.
And yeah, Shortbus did need the R rating up there.
And you’ve GOT to take your daughter to see The Watchmen, cause it’s what all the cool kids’ll be talking about Monday morning.
HUGS…
“After all, I went to Australia with her, she owes me.” Oh Tam! I loved that movie! I just bought on DVD today!
Michelle M: I LOVED the Henry Huggins books growing up!
And maybe one day I’ll see Better Off Dead. Is it good?
Craig: I know you did sweetie, I only keep dredging it up to make you crazy.
It was certainly not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, the scenery was magnificent, and I mean that in all senses of the word (Hugh Jackman – sigh) but I won’t be buying it. At last she didn’t rope me into seeing Benjamin Button.
This is why I live in the city and enjoy my 6-block walk to the warm train that is running as normal.
Hey husband,
so remember that time when I moved my blog every couple of months?
haha yeah, so I’ve moved it again. I’m at hmwhat.wordpress.com now. And I WILL be commenting more on your blog again. That is a commitment that I am ready to take.
Seriously your husband,
Jake
Hope you’re keeping warm!
They’re called carriers, or “independent contractors” and most of them are meth addicts. At least the ones that deliver the paper I work for…