Puntabulous

A Mother’s Pearls of Wisdom

motheradviceheader
Moms know everything, right? Well, maybe not everything, but they sure do come in handy sometimes with really good bits of advice. My Mom is always chiming in with her two cents, whether they were solicited or not, but the one that I always remember the best is one that was passed on from her Mom: “In order to be a good liar, you have to have a good memory.” And she always emphasizes the second good, like “gooooood memory”. Now don’t get her wrong, she by no means condones lying. In fact, she’s trying to deter it by reminding you that you don’t have a perfect memory so you better watch out what fibs you tell because you might say something later down the line that contradicts a lie you’ve previously told. Pretty good point, right?

What are some of your Mom’s favorite pearls of wisdom?

RANDOM | Craig | April 3, 2009 8:26 am

58 Comments

By Jonah, April 3, 2009 @ 8:29 am

My Mom told me that “If you are not with the one you love, love the one you’re with!” Oh wait that was Stephen Stills….
By LeahBear, April 3, 2009 @ 8:36 am

My mom’s standard saying whenever I leave her house after a visit is “watch out for snakes!”

She says this because she thought Snakes on a Plane was the most ridiculous movie plot ever, and has not stopped making fun of it since.

But as Jon Stewart has reminded us, unstoppable armies of snakes are maybe not all that far-fetched: http://vodpod.com/watch/1444385-daily-show-30000-pythons-on-the-loose-in-florida
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 8:51 am

I love that picture. And yes, Mom’s are pretty damn brilliant.

My family is not big on pearls of wisdom. Ummm, when you do laundry make sure you don’t mix the darks with the whites. If the nut is rusty use WD40, don’t just keep hitting with the pliers. You know, important stuff like that.

I try to be a bit more profound as a mother. Usually about friends at this age. We’ve had the “A good friend would not get mad at you for talking to a boy friend (not a boyfriend) just because she likes him.” Those kind of things that you run into in middle school. Maybe my advice will become more sage as she gets older. The lie one is a good. I’ll save that one.
By Xi_Heather, April 3, 2009 @ 9:49 am

The one that amuses me the most now (because it’s true, but not exactly standard advice) is “If you are known as someone who tells the truth, then if you have to tell a lie sometime people are more likely to believe you.”

The pearls of wisdom that I give to my kids are gems like, “Nerds are really cool It’s great to be a nerd.” and “The correct response is “Thank you” ” if I do something nice and they start to gripe (“Yeah, Mama got us lollipops! HEY, I wanted a green one. Didn’t you get us a green one?”) But I tell them I love them roughly 85,000 times a day, so that’s good for something.
By Antonio, April 3, 2009 @ 9:52 am

My mother said not to trust skinjobs.
By john, April 3, 2009 @ 9:53 am

Moms kick a55! I remember a few things from my mom:

“triangular friendships can be difficult”
“the only thing that would surprise you about what people think of you is how little they do”
“your children are a mirror of yourself”

That last one serves me well as I use it as my excuse when I tease her.
By Dave S., April 3, 2009 @ 10:11 am

“A watched pot never boils.”
“I’m sure God knows what the hell he’s doing.”
“Always wear good shoes.”

Okay, maybe not pearls, but maybe nice feaux plastic ones that you wear while the real ones are socked away in a safety deposit box…

This is what I often shout when I get home and my daughter’s hanging out with friends at our place: “Parent entering. Stop having sex!”

I can’t get enough of embarrassing my lovely children…
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 10:16 am

If my daughter has a friend over and I’m going out I always say “And stay out of the liquor cabinet.” which garners me wonderful eye rolls.
By Paul, April 3, 2009 @ 10:16 am

My favorite mom quote:
“My son is gay too, you’re going to start getting some great decorating advise.”
By john, April 3, 2009 @ 10:25 am

Tam & Dave S.: You know the day you don’t say it is the day they are going to start doing it.
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 10:39 am

john: My worry sometimes is that it never occurred to her and after I said it there will be a “hey, there’s an idea” moment. LOL (Okay, I’m deluding myself into thinking that it never occured to teenagers to drink alcohol. Just let me live in my cocoon of innocence a while longer okay?)
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 10:43 am

Oh, I just thought of probably the most important thing my parents ever said “If you are with someone who is drinking and driving you call us. Doesn’t matter what time or where, we’ll come and get you.” I always appreciated that although in my stupidity of youth never followed it but I knew I could if I had to. I will pass that one on and hope my daughter makes some wiser choices than I did. There is so much more awareness of the dangers of drinking and driving than when I was a teen.

And for those who think I was a bad bad girl, where I grew up the legal drinking age is 18, so I was able to go to bars legally before I graduated from high school.
By Enrico, April 3, 2009 @ 10:58 am

Ahh. This advice is VERY true. But if you get caught, you just lie again. AND remember, the person you’re lying to doesn’t have a perfect memory either…. Like this:

BOY: “Where were you?!?! You missed singing Happy Birthday to my grandma!”
GIRL: “OMG I’m so sorry. I had so much work to do so I went to the library.”

—–10 Months Later—–

GIRL: “Remember that time I wasn’t there to sing to your grandma because I was at Starbucks? Ha!”
BOY: “Wait, I thought you said you were at the LIBRARY not STARBUCKS.”
GIRL: “No no no, you just misunderstood. See, I said I went to go READ A BOOK so you probably assumed I meant the library, but I went to Starbucks.”
BOY: “Oh…. I guess you’re right. I don’t even remember what you said really, it’s been so long. I love you.”

Now isn’t that how it always happens?? That’s what I always do and it seems to work!
By Enrico, April 3, 2009 @ 11:03 am

Tam: That’s cute. My mom doesn’t have her license, so that’d be impossible, but she’d probably do the same. Hurray! No drinking (and driving) supporters! Your parents must be cool.

Now that I think of it, my mom was VERY preachy about one thing. She always told us that in fights between siblings and friends, we had to take our siblings side. Blood is thicker than water I guess? That’s an old saying, but it was very practiced in my house.

Oh, and “They want more? Well then give them more” was popular too.
By David, April 3, 2009 @ 11:30 am

Mom pretty much trades in the standard cliches you hear all the time. Nothing really note-worthy here.

But Grandma (may she rest in peace) gave me one of my favorite pearls of wisdom that I still endeavor to live by: “Don’t do anything stupid.”
By Nicole, April 3, 2009 @ 12:14 pm

Mine are too x-rated to share. Yeah I have one of “those” kind of Moms
By Hayden, April 3, 2009 @ 1:28 pm

Nicole: Can I have your Mom’s phone number?
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

Nicole: I’m not sure there is anything too x-rated for Puntabulous.
By Jere, April 3, 2009 @ 1:39 pm

My mom used to say, “you can’t help who you fall in love with, but it doesn’t hurt to date rich men while you’re looking.”

I’m pretty sure that advice was aimed at my sisters. Much as I love my mom and have a great relationship with her, she wasn’t that progressive when I was 12.
By Mark, April 3, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

My Mom’s pearl was “How do you know it’s not just a phase?”

26 years later I’m still “phasing”.

But I’m sure I’ll get over it and settle down with a good woman one day.
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 2:39 pm

Hey Mark, I’m single. Oh wait, you said a “good” woman. Sorry, my mistake.
By Mark, April 3, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

Tam: I guess that means you would expect sex stuff. Damn, except for the hetero sex part, you’re my Dream Woman.
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 2:57 pm

Mark: Sigh. Its those little details that screw up relationships.
By FDot, April 3, 2009 @ 3:05 pm

I asked my mother if she had any pearls of wisdom to bestow. Her response was: “Yeah, right. I’ll give you pearls of wisdom.”
By Dave S., April 3, 2009 @ 3:15 pm

“You have to realize that someday you will die. Until you know that, you are useless.”

Oh, wait, that was Tyler. I always get him and my mom mixed up…
By Dave S., April 3, 2009 @ 3:16 pm

Mark: You are *on* today, m’man.
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 3:28 pm

Xi_Heather: I definitely used my good reputation in school smooth over problems.

My favorite pearl is “Overdosing Tynenol will neither get you high or kill you. You will just throw it up and turn your intestines into a bloody mess.”

My mom was a pediatric nurse. I learned from the mistakes of others.
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 3:37 pm

Craig: Commenting on your Tweet. Are you still drunk man? Hannah Montana is evil incarnate, just step away, watch some Torchwood or something.
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 3:44 pm

Craig: It is really hard not to judge for that.
By Michelle M., April 3, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

Hmmm…. “no wire hangers” was a good one.
By john, April 3, 2009 @ 4:18 pm

Craig: Oh Lord man, we can defend drunken calls and reading Twilight (barely) but we have to draw the line here.

Oh, and Ryan, Tylenol can kill you in high enough doses, but it may take some time to do it. Your mom is right that it will leave your intestines a blood mess for a very long time if it doesn’t kill you. It isn’t pretty.
By Michelle M., April 3, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

I think the Hannah Montana trailer looks pretty cute. It speaks to my inner tween. First, I’ll need to get some of those Groucho Marx glasses to disguise myself…
By Mark, April 3, 2009 @ 4:33 pm

Tam: I just realized, we could get married and still have boyfriends on the side. That way we wouldn’t be violating the Sanctity of Marriage.
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 4:33 pm

Mark: I see you hold the Starbuck philosophy of marriage.
By Mark, April 3, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

Oops, I forgot about the whole Adultery thing. That reminds me of my Mom’s other pearl…”That’s how they getcha”
By Polt, April 3, 2009 @ 5:12 pm

Work was still blocking this today…if this is a regular thing now, I just might have to find another line of work.

Mom-isms:
“Don’t lie to me, because you’re no good at it, and I know you too well.”
“I don’t want you to drink, but if you, and get arrested, don’t call me. I’ll let your sorry drunken ass rot in jail.” (This was said after I came home drunk one night in high school. mom’s usually not so…vicious)
“For God’s sake, can’t you just throw the socks into the basket instead of on the floor next to it?”

Hmm, these really aren’t pearls of wisdom, after all, are they?

HUGS…
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 5:14 pm

Tam: Craig never gets drunk. He just gets a little tipsy.
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 5:24 pm

john: I think a slow painful death from liver failure was mentioned.
By john, April 3, 2009 @ 5:42 pm

Ryan: I love that your avatar has him holding a cupcake!

Michelle M.: Don’t encourage Craig.
By Polt, April 3, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

juss a lil bit TIPsy….

BWAHAHHAHAH!!!

HUGS…
By Tam, April 3, 2009 @ 6:25 pm

Mark: I don’t think its adultery if we both agree on it. Then its called “the lifestyle”. Or we could just share one. I’m probably too lazy to maintain a full-time boyfriend AND be married. So we could just switch off nights.

Are we back to cupcakes again? Arrghhhh. I don’t even have a lousy cookie in the house.
By Enrico, April 3, 2009 @ 7:13 pm

Ryan: (in regard to your Starbuck comment) LOL!
By Ryan, April 3, 2009 @ 7:18 pm

Is anyone else receiving comments out of order in email?
By Craig, April 3, 2009 @ 7:19 pm

Ryan: I am. It’s like there is a delay or something. Been like that for the past day or so.

I never get drunk or tipsy. Polt has a wild imagination.
By Polt, April 3, 2009 @ 8:15 pm

Craiggers: I do indeed have a wild and vivid imagination. But I also have a pretty good memory and a knack for recall. Especially with unusual things. Like drunken calls near midnight.

NOT that I’m singling that out for any reason in particular or anything.

HUGS…

PS
You didn’t say you were drunk OR tipsy. You were ‘juss a lil bit TIPsy’! (man that STILL makes me laugh)
By ur lover, April 3, 2009 @ 9:20 pm

interested is interesting…..hence the best way to make friends!..hope ur having fun in beantown! see u monday!!
By Polt, April 3, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

Oh, and Craiggers, even my wild imagination could not come up with ‘mesh shorts’. Just sayin’…

HUGS…
By Michelle M., April 3, 2009 @ 10:54 pm

john: I’m just relieved I’m not the only one.
By Enrico, April 4, 2009 @ 8:40 am

Michelle M.: Count me in too…. Not that anyone would be surprised by this information. lol.
By Denise, April 4, 2009 @ 12:29 pm

It seems like multiple times a day mine would say, “Look with your eyes, not with your mouth” in response to my queries regarding the location of various items. At the time and for years afterward I felt it was rude and kind of uncaring, but now I find myself saying it to my husband.
By Brad, April 5, 2009 @ 10:54 am

I have one that’s the complete opposite of a pearl of wisdom: “You’re cruisin for a bruisin, mister.” It wasn’t until much later in life that I actually thought about how hard my mother would’ve had to smack me to actually bruise me. I guess it worked subconsciously though.
By Sven, April 6, 2009 @ 1:59 am

“If you have to do something, you might as well do it well.” When I was 12 I got lumbered as the fairy in a school pantomime. I was crushed. My mum made me the best costume and I walked away with an prize for my performance. Screw you, Darren Davis!

The only other one was “don’t get mad, get even”. We’re big on revenge, us Irish.
By Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas, April 6, 2009 @ 10:18 am

Invest in appropriate foundation garmets. You never really know what something looks like until you try it on. Don’t lie or smoke. The F word is NOT ladylike. In marriage, pick your battles.

And my favorite and the one I still hear most often: EAT SOMETHING!
By Charles, April 7, 2009 @ 1:27 am

My mother always said, “You can’t get shit from a wooden rocking horse.” What she meant was “Don’t expect too much from him.”
By jomoesexual, April 9, 2009 @ 2:08 pm

I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS POST! I was in orlando on vacation.

My mom used to give my sister all kinds of weird advice on boys.

For a breakup: “Men are like buses. One comes every fifteen minutes you just have to choose which one you want to ride.”

seriously

and Never date a guy who can pick you up over his head. Because if he can do that, he can probably throw you.

other than that, my mom would always find a way to use song lyrics as advice. We were a very musical family.
By Colleen Kabat, April 13, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

Love you site – look at my blog dedicated to my mother! Thanks, Colleen
By Colleen Kabat, April 13, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

The blog dedicated to my mother is itsnotminetillitsbroken.blogspot.com. Check it out!
By Mel, April 14, 2009 @ 9:22 am

“You don’t want to be an archaeologist. They don’t make any money.” So at 12, I decided to become a veterinarian instead. Now I’m trying to figure out what to be next. I suppose I could go back to archaeologist.