Apr
10
So I’m reading Twilight. After enjoying the movie and hearing about how much everyone loves the books, I decided to give it a try. Um, so basically it’s a romance novel. Seriously? I don’t want to read romance novels. I want to read fun adventures stories with vampires and werewolves. But so far the entire book (I’m about one third through) has been about Bella hating herself and loving the amazingly beautiful Edward. And they don’t even have sex, so it’s a chaste romance novel. What’s the fun in that? And are we supposed to hate Bella as much as she hates herself? Because I kinda hate her. I hate how rude she is to her nice normal friends, especially Mike, who was so gosh darn cute in the movie. Oh, but everyone loooves Bella and she gets asked to the dance by three guys and turns them all down because none of them are a vampire. Ugh! And even after being asked to the dance by three guys, she still has zero self-confidence and continuously doubts herself at the drop of a hat. What kind of hero/narrator is this? I can’t get behind her. And don’t even get me started on the clumsiness. Can we put the clumsy girl/woman cliché to bed please? I’m still going to keep reading it, but it better get good fast. We just met Jacob, and I kinda loved him, so I’m already on Team Jacob. But I have a feeling that’s not going to work out so well for me.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I’m so glad that I have no clue about any of this. About the book: You may have found the one exception where a gay man does not think like a female teenager: Body related self-confidence issues.
Brittney? check
Boybands? check
gossip: check
cliquishness: check
I assume the reason why the books are such big hits with girls and young women is, because they can all relate to the heroines issues.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:22 am
If it isn’t fun you don’t have to read anymore.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:26 am
I really enjoyed the books, and while I thought Bella was being a bitch for a bit, I got caught up in all the romance stuff. Hm. I might just be gayer than you are!
April 10th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I tried to read them. I read 2 of the Twilight series. I’ve not seen the movie yet but plan to… but the books are painful to read. Aside from all the teen over-angst, the writing is shallow and poor. It was really painful. I wanted to like, I really, really did. Maybe I’ll get to the rest of the series as my easy summer reading?
April 10th, 2009 at 8:40 am
I’ve read more than one article about the Twilight books as covert “abstinence-only” education. The unspoken literary allusion that vampirism = AIDS, or at least STDs or unwanted pregnancy. I usually avoid any fiction (gay, sci-fi, etc.) that is a “coming of age” story.
But Bernd, you don’t think gay’s have body-related self-confidence issues? Seriously? I haven’t been a teen for over 20 years and I STILL have body-related self-confidence issues. 2/3rds of the gays at any gym have body-related self-confidence issues. I mean, that’s why we GO there.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:47 am
I was going to read this series too, and then I changed my mind. I’m reading the Sookie Stackhouse books right now, and I’m really loving them. The are the books that HBO’s True Blood series are based on. You might give them a try…
April 10th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I’m glad you posted this cause I was thinking about picking it up to read it. I mean, all the cute guys in the movie (which i still haven’t seen), how could I NOT like it?
But a CHASTE romance novel? My God, who would make such a thing? I mean that’s as bad as non-alcoholic beer, working holidays and gay Republicans! They’re all simply abherrations of nature!
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Yep, not my kind of book either and I like romance books. My daughter is firmly in the Team Jacob camp and LOVED your “Buffy staked Edward” t-shirt that you posted. She devoured them all but was not at all impressed with the last one. They have sex in the last one, after they are married of course because that’s “proper” and the birthing scene is pretty gruesome apparently. I’m not sure WHY they go so darn popular so fast but I will give her credit for getting my kid glued to books again so I guess not a total waste.
April 10th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Haha…I love this. I admit to breezing my way through the series. They do get better as they go along (as long as you can get through the second one). That being said, just because I read them, does not mean I did not see their (major) faults. Happy reading!
April 10th, 2009 at 9:54 am
The last three have more action, but they remain pretty chaste throughout
April 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Related to Twilight, as I was hanging in a bookstore one night (yeah, my life is the envy of all) I overheard a youngish female clerk (20 maybe) talking to a woman about Twilight. She wanted to buy it for her daughter who’s a youngish teen and the clerk said that she didn’t think it was a good idea because the books promote the idea that a young girl has to find Prince Charming and get married at 18 and then they’ll live happily ever after. She said that they were encouraging young girls to “fall in love” and get married too early. Huh? I (not being able to shut up) basically stepped in and said they were fine and I highly doubted that a 14 year old was going to run out and get married because two fictional characters did it. It was weird. The clerk gave me the evil eye and walked away.
I’m not a fan of the books but sheesh, I don’t think there’s a rash of vampire/human marriages at 18 because of it.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I have a friend who read all the books and thought they were drivel. We have a mutual friend who thinks the same, but she has never read them. We think she makes fun of it because all the cool kids are goofing on it too. She went so far as to see the film simply for the LOLs….I’m not convinced of that.
I haven’t read them or seen the film, it holds no interest for me.
For your enjoyment: CLICK HERE
April 10th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I agree with Liz about “all the teen over-angst” being painful to read. I read the first book and am halfway through the 2nd book. Be warned that in the nearly 500 pages of the first book it takes over 300 pages for Bella to ask the first relevant question of her new vampire boyfriend and in total there are probably only 30 pages or so with any real interesting action. So why am I reading the 2nd book? Because once I start a book or a series I have to finish it. I have only put down one book after starting to read it. I am just wired that way. But I did enjoy the movie… A lot less teen angst and a lot more getting to the point.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Tam: vampires are pretty hot, i woulda married one at 18. If I could have found one. A hot one I mean. And gay marriage would have been legal. Then, not now.
See, that’s my unconditional love thing going on there!
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I’ll probably read at some point just because it’s now a huge pop culture thing.
I read the first few pages once and thought the writing was VERY awkward and needed a lot of smoothing out. Did she not hire an editor?
April 10th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Enrico, it doesn’t seem like she hired one in the first book. I hear the editing gets smoother as the books go on, though. Keep plugging along Craig! I forced myself to finish the book before the movie came out on DVD. I’ve been trying to read the 2nd book in the series, but I’m finding it difficult to get going. Perhaps by the time the movie for it comes out, I MAY force myself once again.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:27 am
I read the book because my teenage niece wanted me to, so I could feel all self sacrificing. Of course, in truth I enjoyed all three books and am looking forward to when the library has the fourth book free. I didn’t ever really see the appeal of Edward in the book or the movie so I guess that eliminates the Vampire option from Tam’s post], but I didn’t mind the writing otherwise. (I’m downplaying it. I really did enjoy them. I secretly like Hannah Montana, too.)
The fact that the action was chaste didn’t bother me, since most sex scenes in books seem really poorly written and I’m grateful when the author spares me. (No wonder I’m not allowed to comment on Polt’s site.)
April 10th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I don’t have any interest in these books, but was starting to doubt myself after several “intelligent” friends enjoyed the series. Now I know after reading your review and subsequent comments I will not bother wasting my time. Hey, who knew it was Teach Me Something Friday????
April 10th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
You can’t comment, heather? Well that bites! Can’t you comment anonymously and then put your name at the bottom of your comment (and i KNOW that sounds insane, but she knows what I mean!)
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
No — I can’t see the Visual Verification thing so it won’t let me comment. It just says “Visual Verification” and I try to publish the comment and it laughs at me. [TwoPi was able to find a way around that, so I could use the house computer instead of my laptop but then I'd have to go all.the.way up to the attic and I'm really lazy].
April 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Stop calling these books. They are not books. They are bad fanfiction.
If you’re not reading it in a so-bad-it’s-good kind of way, you can stop now.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Straight, chaste fan fiction?
It sounds like Harry Potter should be involved.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I’m with you. I am totally in the Jacob/Werewolf camp. They are the only reason I keep reading.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I know nothing about Twilight, sorry. I am going on a three day road trip though, maybe I’ll meet some vampires on the road. That would be cool.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
OK, Twilight aside, is it me or is this the day that would not end?!?
April 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
OHMIGOD, john, you are SO right!!! It feels like I’ve been at work for three days already. Gah!
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Mark: Pack a turtleneck just in case you run into one of those vampires. Hide the evidence and all that.
john: Fridays are often long.
Love your new name Ryan. Not just any Ryan but THE Ryan.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I let my admin person go home at two, but 5:00 seems like it is an eternity away. It doesn’t help that I am writing a user manual which is about as interesting as Bella Swan (worst character name EVER!). This has been a very long and stressful week and I will be glad when it is over.
Tam: I read your article, it was great! I’m just really behind on commenting.
Ryan: I want a cupcake too. Where’s Chris when you need him?
April 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
John: No biggie. Chris never did come through with those cupcakes last time did he?
April 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Tam: Turtleneck Hell, I;m wearing those bite marks with pride. But unfortunately I doubt if there are many vampires in Big Beaver, PA.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Mark: Big Beaver? Seriously? That’s a town? Competes with Dildo, New Foundland for best town name.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Tam: I figured it was a good way to distinguish myself.
john: I don’t have actual cupcakes right now, but they do sound like a wonderful idea for tomorrow.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Ryan: I’m going to call you what I usually call Craig: You tease.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I read all four and saw the movie (Netflix). I think she could have smushed all four books into one. I can see why Bella and Edward/Jacob appeal to young girls, as their love is so idealized and perfect. Just like real life!
Now if Edward and Jacob were together… now that would be a book.
john – funny cartoon. Except Bella was smiling and not the dour, buzzkill I remember. Love the rainbow and the sparkling.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Xi_Heather – Looks like it’s you, me and Craig for the Hannah Montana movie. Any other takers?
April 10th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Michelle: I think Enrico wanted to go too. I’ll just stand outside the theatre and heckle you guys.
April 10th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Tam: From what I understand from google maps, Big Beaver is just south of New Beaver. I’m not making this up people, just trying to get to a family wedding.
But on google maps Colombus OH doesn’t look that far from Big Beaver PA
April 10th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
That was a reference to that guy who’s name starts with Dave S.
April 10th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Just kidding Dave S. (If you’re reading this) I have no time for stalking this weekend.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Tam: I think I’d join you.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Mark, in south central PA, on the other side of Lancaster, very short distances from each other we have Intercourse, Paradise AND Fertility PA.
Who knew those puritanical Quakers in the olden days were so risque in their naming of towns!
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Oh, and I’m out front with Tam and The Ryan, heckling and cupcake eatin’!
HUGS…
April 10th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I spent part of the morning reading the new Dresden Files book, so work doesn’t feel long yet.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I love Intercourse and Paradise, But you can keep Fertility. Of course I’m only talking about the towns.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
There used to be a street near hear called “Intercouse Lane”, after several street signs were stolen they finally changed the name.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
It’s now called Lovers Lane, seriously, just google map “Lovers lane Windsor va 23487″ and you’ll see it in street view.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Polt: The best hotel/motel ever, the “Best Western Intercourse Village Inn & Restaurant”.
http://www.bestwesternpa.com/hotels/best-western-intercourse-village-inn-and-restaurant/
There’s even a restaurant….Intercourse AND Food!!!! This place was made for me!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I would like to open an adult store on Lovers Lane. It would get a TON of free media coverage and my store would thrive.
Oh and cupcakes and heckling Brilliant idea.
Ryan: Everyone raved about the Dresden files books and I read the first one but I just couldn’t get into it. I think its the first person POV. Its pretty rare that works for me. I’m saving Hero and Vintage for the train ride Sunday. Both YA so I can trade off with my daughter.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Mark: I can’t believe someone hasn’t petitioned to changed that town’s name. How can you say that with a straight face when you meet someone?
April 10th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Tam: Great idea, I’ll be in there every morning drinking free coffee.
There will be free coffee, right?
April 10th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Mark: Free coffee and I might need product testers.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Tam: It’s better than “Hittin it” Lane. At least I think so.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
The Dresden Files helped me to realize that Coraline was a Faerie tale.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
There’s no job to big for me.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Tam: Um, I guess someone is paying attention to your post and the communities, *ahem*, needs:
http://www.bad-dragon.com/toys
April 10th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Craig: If you’re still here, and not lost in literary land, I just wanted you to know that you have convinced me not to read books with words and stuff.
But seriously, you get a free three day vacation from Mark. I’m intentionally not taking my laptop on this trip. So enjoy!
April 10th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Mark: Have a great trip and enjoy the wedding.
John: Holy shit!!! I am sending that to my friend in Australia. The wallaby? Who the hell thinks up this stuff? Its freakishly amazing. An even better question, what the hell were you searching for that got you to that page? I’m dying. This really has been a freaky day for me and this is the icing on the cake. Thanks for that.
April 10th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Have a great trip Mark!
April 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Hope you don’t mind me dropping by. Tam said I could come play with you.
She also sent me the link to the toys. I told her the one for the dragon is seriously undersized. As to the wallaby… freaks me out that there is someone going around getting our natural wildlife off just so they can take casts of their… well, you get where I’m going with this.
BTW, if you don’t like Twilight, Craig. You’re gonna friggin hate the rest. The first book is definitely the best in the series.
For those wigged out by the whole Twilight thing you might enjoy this: http://www.someecards.com/upload/movies/twilight_showed_me.html
April 10th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Yay! Hi and welcome Kris. Everyone is so great here. Kris is coming to us from Australia so play nice everyone. It will be slow here now until Monday, can you believe these people have lives on the weekends?
April 10th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
“Luke, I am your father” What a great line.
Yeah, yeah, its Star Wars marathon day.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Welcome Kris! Love that card! Have you seen this?
http://www.jinx.com/women/shirts/geek/buffy_staked_edward_womens.html?cs=6&csd=1494
April 10th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Craig: ROFL. I hadn’t seen it. I want one. You can just see Buffy doing it can’t you and then telling Bella to get the hell over herself. Love it.
Tam: WTF. You invite me over to play and then tell me everyone is just about to go home?? It’s the were-kanga thing, isn’t it? You’re still pissed.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Kris: Yep. I’m not gonna rest until someone writes me a damn book with a shifting kangaroo in it. And he better be hot.
Come back Monday, although as you know I’ll be doing research Monday.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
OMG! I would SO read a were-kanga book!!!
April 10th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
*snort* Tam is trying to convince an Aussie author friend to write it for her. He had a plot all worked out and everything, but it fell through in favour of olive oil… it’s a long story.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Olive oil has been done. Were-kanga? Not so much. It would have been revolutionary. I’m still holding out.
April 11th, 2009 at 7:05 am
Okay, so I’m a little behind, but here’s my take on Twilight (I’m currently trying to stomach Breaking Dawn.):
(My quick opinion, Stephanie Meyer can’t write to save her life and the people who buy the books should be shot. However, the character development is decent and I mean my god, Edward is just hot.)
Twilight: Good, mildly interesting, reminded me of a few things that I remembered from the past which make it better. Edward Cullen is the hottest young man ever. The first “Oh Edward” is muttered aloud while reading, my self respect dies a bit more. “Where are you hot vampire sex???” Bella status: tolerable. Number of times book is thrown across the room in disgust or ecstasy: 5
New Moon: The worst of the 4 (though I haven’t finished Breaking yet.) Edward can still do no wrong, as does my other fav character Jane. Jacob is the single most annoying toolshed that I’ve ever had the displeasure of dealing with. The first 200 pages are like watching paint dry and you just wanna scream, “Where are you any sex???” Bella status: annoying bitch. Number of times book is thrown across the room in disgust or ecstasy: 0, I had to trudge through New Moon.
Eclipse: I was promised that this was better, the best next to Twilight itself. It’s okay, but Bella and Jacob become just, for fuck sakes, every time she mentions either of them I cringe and get sick to my stomach. Jacob needs to take a bullet or 16 from some hunters. More Jane, total plus, and more “Oh Edward,” moments. It was really hard to get through this one, just because it starts to get all sorts of stupid and annoying really quick. “Couldn’t you just put his cock in your mouth already, slut???” Bella status: God, I fucking hate you Bella, just go play in traffic. Number of times book is thrown across the room in disgust or ecstasy: 1 (utter disgust.)
Breaking Dawn: So far, so bad, and I’ve got at least 600 more pages of this crap to go through. Bella Status: Really, just die already please.
Oz: You are brilliant.
April 11th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Given Mark’s admonition to avoid books with words, and Craig’s stated interest in books about Australian shape-shifting animals, he should be seeking were-kanga-manga.
April 11th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Funny town names: When I lived in Wisconsin, one of my fellow students had a long-distance relationship with a partner who lived in southern Illinois. Every few weeks, they would spend a weekend together in a small town half-way in between their homes: Effingham, IL.
April 11th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Then there’s this place in Tucson, Arizona. (Xi_Heather and I have driven by it a couple times — my brother used to live in Tucson — but we’ve never stayed there. No, no, honestly!)
April 11th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
TwoPi: You are a freaking GENIUS! I’ve got the giggles now.
April 11th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Craig is also a genius.
April 11th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Hey everyone, first time commenter, long time lurker. I’ve never been one to comment on blogs, but you guys all seem so nice, so I thought that I would give it a try. So here goes, I really liked the Twilight series. Yes, it’s kind of lame(and cheesy), but it’s easy, mindless reading. And it’s fun. I will say that I liked the Sookie Stackhouse books better. And don’t even get me started on the Twilight movie. I’m one of those people who is very rarely happy with the book to screen translation.
And TwoPi: Speaking of funny town names, I live in North Carolina (and went to UNC {Tarheels! woohoo!}) and we have a town here called Climax. It makes me giggle everytime I drive by a sign for it.
April 11th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Craig’s own “genius” comment came after he’d spent a few hours working on the forthcoming Super Viagra post…. I, for one, can’t wait!!!
Welcome, stacey, to a very friendly place.
Climax? Is it on a mountain peak or something? [I assume Intercourse PA was where the region's meeting hall was, or perhaps the site of some significant debate or public discussion....] Maybe Craig can devote a TMST to exploring the origins of some of these naughty-sounding placenames.
April 11th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I thought this was a pretty funny run-down of the book: http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html#cutid1
April 11th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
There is also a Climax, GA. Wow…..2 climaxes!
April 12th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Kimi: Every girls dream.
April 12th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Tam – Ha!
April 12th, 2009 at 6:54 am
I just watched the movie yesterday; hated it (although the end was not as bad as the cheesy Bella/Edward scenes of the first half); I felt like Robert Pattinson’s forehead was going to consume me. Re: the story — what do you expect from a Mormon? (At least in the movie all those gratuitous scenes of Bella acting like a submissive, meal-preparing wife-substitute for her father were omitted.) I wanted the author to finish her book told from the perspective of Edward, but now it’s been leaked online, so she’s given it up. Oh well. I haven’t read it yet, but a friend just forwarded me the link: http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/pdf/midnightsun_partial_draft4.pdf
April 24th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
You made it further than I did. I hated the books so much that I won’t see the movie. If you read an interview with Stephanie Meyers you will really want to stop reading. She is infuriating to anyone that enjoys good literature.
April 29th, 2009 at 7:59 am
[...] giving up halfway through Stephenie Meyer’s ode to self-loathing, I wanted to read something really fun. When I wrote my review of the Watchmen graphic novel, I [...]
April 30th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I’m halfway through the first book too….
I’ve seen the movie, and can’t get any further… why are people having to convince me to “push through, it gets better?” When did books become something to be endured like a spin class of hell or a bikini wax?
It almost makes you want to whine like an 8 year old at the thought of continuing…”But I don’t Wannaaaaaaaaaaaaa–!”
I feel it’s just another bandwagon the crowd will get sick of just as I finally cave in….
Like: harry Potter…. twitter, facebook, myspace…..
Help me out here I need to find a way to approach this series that doesn’t involve the mental preparation of a water board torture….=S
September 7th, 2009 at 9:21 am
[...] that other young adult vampire series, this one was a whole lot of fun. And while the main character doubted herself, she didn’t [...]