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Oh and just an FYI, this was forwarded to me in an email. Not sure where it came from, so I’m sorry I can’t list a source. I just loved it a lot.
Funny and totally disgusting. Oooooooohhhh. Who lets their kid do that? *gag*
I actually laughed out loud at that one.
Unfortunately, the child didn’t see the remarkable little spiderweb above the pen that read “INFECTED.”
Aww! This is so cute. I love pigs.
And that kid clearly loves them as well.
My father has a pet pig that we call call Henry. Whenever my mother goes out my father lets him in the house. My mother gets very mad when this happens.
Ewww, think of all the bacteria and viruses that poor pig could have caught from the child.
LOL Bernd!
Craig, I’d forgotten about that story of your first hickey. I LOVE your stories. You should do more of them. And of course don’t slack on the SV&VG, or anything else. Yup, all your time should be devoted to my amusement.
(I just *know* Polt is thinking those very words as well, but no doubt with a different meaning.)
Xi_Heather: Different Meaning? You don’t mean you want Craiggers dancing in a dirty jockstrap and tube socks, singing “I’m a little teapot, short and stout, give me your hand I’ll show you my spout.” underneath a disco ball as you drink mimosas and watch the gay porno on the big screen tv behind him? That’s NOT what you meant by Craiggers amusing you? Really???
HUGS…
Stupid question, but why is it a dirty jock strap?
First: LOLZ at Craig! BWAAA, that was awesome!
Second: LOLZ at Bernd! That was pretty funny!
Third: Polt, um, *thanks* for the mental image that is now in my head…..the dirty jock strap made me gag a little. No offense Craig, I’m sure you look fine in a dirty jock and possibly on or in one too.
The disco ball was a nice touch though.
Craig: That’s not a stupid question.
I’m assuming he meant dirty literally. Like, covered in dirt. Like you were wearing said jockstrap and tube socks then went outside and played football, then did some construction work, and then when you got back to the room with the disco ball and big-screen TV you were dirty.
I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but for a short time, years ago, I actually worked at a pig farm. Yes, I have been elbow deep in a sow’s hoohah, pulling out baby pigs. I could tell horrer stories about how they are treated. Seriously, pigs are the most intelligent animals I have ever encountered.
But I wouldn’t recommend licking their snouts.
polt: That’s . . . surprisingly detailed.
My grandparents used to raise pigs. They were living garbage disposals/compost heaps.
I think the space after the ‘ ruins the comedic pause.
Weird. The unusual space comes after an apostrophe if it follows a character but before it if it follows a space.
My parents raised pigs for a few years too. They were damn cool animals. And cute as hell.
Well, not that hell’s particularly cute. Cute as a button? But buttons aren’t typically adorable, either. Cute as…cute as… Cute as a pig, then, I guess.
That is soooo funny!!!!!
This swine flu is just another attempt by the animal kingdom to reclaim their domain over humanity.
I have never had any close encounters with a pig, but I did have a duck bite me and a llama attempt to eat my camera.
As for Polt, if we were to collect all his fantasies about Craig, it would be…uh…well…it would be something. I don’t know if words alone can do that collection justice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FDOT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FDOT!!!!! Have an amazing day.
I grew up on a farm. We had pigs, cows, chicken, geese. Now geese are NASTY. Those suckers will chase you.
WTF with all the puntabulous readers who have worked with, had or have relatives that have had pigs?! If I (say that I) keep young women chained in my basement what kind of stories will that bring out?!
Happy Birthday FDOT!
I didn’t grow up on a farm or have any pigs around, unless we are counting siblings.
Tam: Did your family have one of those electric thingys that would chop off the one day old piglets tails while simultaneously cauterizing the stump? They were kinda cool because the piglets didn’t go into shock aftewards. Castrating was another issue with me, cuz I’m a guy.
They would pick the piglets up by the hind legs, with their body hanging down. Then use their index finger the push on their scrotum so the testicles were pressed against the scrotum and use a scalpel to open the scrotum and then pull the testicles out by hand. Then they would place them back in the “crate” with the mother and they would stand stiff legged with vacant eyes, their entire body quivering, for at least 20 minutes.
Having said this, I’m still a sucker for a good fried porkchop! I guess that makes me a hipocryte.
And I agree, geese are some nasty effer’s
Happy unsolicited birthday greetings, FDOT!! Woohoo!
Mark: Thanks for that visual. Nooooo. We bought them after they were weaned and just raised them to full-sized and shipped them off to the pork chop plant. I never remember that thing about the tail. I think where I grew up we just let them have their regular tail. I think our pigs had a pretty decent life for a pig.
Tam: So you never had the pleasure of being elbow deep in a sow, pulling the piglets out? The funniest part was feeling the contractions of the birth canal along your arm. And considering their condition, the sows didn’t seem to mind at all.
In pig language I think they were saying, “Just Get It Out of Me!!!”
Mark: Wow, that sounds remarkably like my experience when I had my daughter. “Just get it out of me” seems like the mantra I was chanting at the time.
Mark: Would that language be latin?
b’dum bum chhh
Mark: Thank you for exorcising Polt’s visual from my head. But DAMN you for replacing it with that piglet visual! *shudder*
Ave S.-day, at-thay us-way errible-tay.
Mark, do you have that little detail on your resume? Having been an animal-midhusband (that is so a word) must give you a leg up over the competition when you apply for a job, I would think.
My grandparents had chickens and I once saw them slaughtering some. I still see the headless hens running all around their garden in my head. My mom helped to pluck them afterwards and I was so happy that I didn’t have to do that.
Happy Birthday FDOT.
Tam: LOL, I could never go through what you women do. OUCH!
Dave S: No, it was Pig-Virginian, she had a funny accent like me.
bernd: “leg up” LOL
Mark: D’oh!
My grandparents on both sides also raised chickens, but they were primarily dairy farmers.
Berbd:
Hannibal Lecter: You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the chickens.
Bernd: Yes.
Hannibal Lecter: And you think if you save poor Catherine, you could make them stop, don’t you? You think if Catherine lives, you won’t wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the chickens.
The Silence of the Chickens….I envision this as a Far Side Cartoon….
Happy Birthday FDot!!!!!!
Ryan with the Cupcake: How does one go about raising chickens on both sides of a grandparent? Is there a special apparatus? And what if the grandparent loses a chicken on one of the sides? Does that throw them off balance?
After all, if they fall they could break a hip. And you wouldn’t want *that* on your conscience…
And speaking of farm animals…
My Equus costume is annoyingly chaffing.
Mark: Genius!
Dave S.: The key is to train the chickens to lay eggs simultaneously. Otherwise, you get the weight imbalance that you mentioned.
So first Polt implants imagery of a GG Allin concert in my mind… then Mark conjures up something so horrid that I had to skip most of that paragraph (I’d make a lousy vasectomist)… and then bernd has me seeing that Sarah Palin interview (you know, THAT one from just before Thansgiving, with the “interesting” backdrop).
And yet, I keep reading. and laughing. I love Puntabulous!
Dave S: Equus…..costume? I’ve never seen the play, but from the pics i’ve seen, I can’t imagine any problems with the costume.
I’m tempted to ask what is there to the costume to cause chaffing, but I’m not sure I want to know where the chaffing is occurring.
I’ve heard about said “costume”. Wowza!
Mark & John: To be blunt — it’s my butt-crack thats not enjoying the costume…
Dave S: Once again, I’m looking stupid. But are you not freeballin the role? If not, then I can save myself a loooong drive.
Mark: Ack! Hell no!
Dave S.: That is exactly what I feared. Thank GOD telepathy doesn’t exist because if anyone could see the images I’ve had in my head today, they would wonder what kind of sicko I am.
I now have the Thong Song going through my head. “dumps like a truck truck truck, Thighs like what what what, Baby move your butt butt butt. Uh, I think to sing it again…”