Monthly Archives: May 2009

The final guest post for my trip out to San Francisco comes from the marvelous Tam, who is just as cool in person as she is online.

FIVE REASONS WHY CANADA IS COOL

1. Snow

Okay, this is but one reason Canada is literally cool, more like downright frigid. As much as I whine and bitch about snow and cold, it is pretty cool … when I’m inside with a roaring fire and my mostly-nekkid servant boy Juan is serving me strawberry daiquiris on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace. Then, I LOVE it. Otherwise, not so much.

But nothing beats snow sparking in the moonlight on a crisp clear night, crunchy snow when it’s -40 and soft fluffy Christmas snow. And there are some amazing snow sports. Skeleton? 100 mph head first on a sled? Holy crap, that’s gotta be a rush! There is freestyle skiing, snowmobiling, snow boarding and assortment of other cooler than cool winter sports.

So while frostbite can be an issue, blizzards really aren’t all that fun and ice storms suck, snow is very very cool (I can’t believe I just said that) and Canada certainly doesn’t lack any.

2. Canadian Food

Yes, we have Canadian food, in general, it’s very unhealthy, and as a result totally delicious. Beaver Tails – mmmmm – fried dough covered in cinnamon sugar or maple butter. A classic meal at a Cabane à Sucre (Sugar Shack) – beans, fried pork rinds, pancakes and sausage, floating in maple syrup. Maple syrup itself. Canada produced 5 million gallons last year, that’s enough to … to … well, to keep you sticky for a lifetime. Poutine – ahhh, heart attack on a plate – french fries with cheese curds slathered in boiling gravy so the cheese gets all melty. Ooey gooey unhealthy goodness. And let’s not forget dessert; sugar pie, butter tarts and Nanaimo bars. I’d kill for a good Nanaimo bar. And to wash it all down there is ice wine, Canadian whiskey, Canadian beer and Tim Horton’s coffee.

So while Canadian cuisine may not win any style or health points, it will leave you purring like an overstuffed kitten in need of bypass surgery.

3. Talented Canadians

Canada seems to spawn no small number of talented people (all of whom defect to the US as soon as humanly possible) and a seemingly larger than average number of comedians. From the comic genius of John Candy to the embarrassment that is Tom Green. There are actors the likes of Captain Kirk and Scottie and then there is Pamela Anderson. Sigh. On the music scene, there is Alanis Morisette and … Celine Dion. I apologise for that, I truly do.

We remain proud of our exports despite their defection, save for the few examples noted and if you want them? They are yours. Free to a good home, kind of like unwanted puppies, cute but leaving a trail of crap in their wake.

4. Hockey

While hockey may not be Canada’s official sport (Lacrosse? WTF?), it is definitely Canada’s most popular sport and our national sport by default. Some have insisted that as a Canadian, it’s mandatory to like hockey and while not exactly true, it’s pretty close.

Hockey is rough and tough. Being body slammed into the boards by a 220 lb guy going full speed on skates hurts. The fights are legendary. There are special tools for scraping frozen blood off the ice. Perhaps I’m not quite selling the sport here. It’s exciting, its dynamic, and its non-stop action.

Canada rules the world stage in hockey. At the Olympics, our men have medaled 13 times out of 19 appearances; the World Junior team has won more medals than any other country including the Soviet Union and they’ve only missed the medal podium 4 times in the last 20 years and have taken the gold the last 5 years running.

But while hockey is rough and tough, don’t let that fool you; it’s not a sport just for the manly men. More and more Canadian girls are playing hockey and our women’s team is 3 for 3 including 2 golds and a silver at the Olympics. Quebec goalie Manon Rheaume was the first woman ever drafted by the Tampa Bay Lightning of the NHL in 1992 and Hailey Wickenheiser played for several professional men’s teams in Europe and was the first woman to score a goal in a men’s league professional game.

To most people: Hockey = Canada, and we’re okay with that.

5. The Beaver

Yes, I said it, the beaver. He may not be the most attractive animal in the world. He’s a little chubby at 12 inches tall and 60 lbs. and he does have a wicked overbite but he has a great personality. Beavers are called nature’s architects. Do you know how long you have to go to school to become an architect? Beavers come by it naturally. A beaver can stay under water for up to 15 min. That’s longer than Michael Phelps. A beaver can chew through a 6-inch tree in 20 min. Try that someday and see how it goes for you. And to top it off, talking beavers saved the Pevensie brats’ asses in Narnia. It wasn’t a talking eagle (Muppets anyone) or a talking kangaroo or a talking Chihuahua (those were different movies), it was the brave, loyal and industrious beaver. Did they resent those little shits for making them abandon their home and having it over-run by wolves? Nooooooo. They put themselves out for those kids and what did they get for their trouble? Nothin’! Ummm, okay, moving on.

On a bit more embarrassing note, the term beaver has become synonymous with female genitals. Wondrous though beavers are, I’m not sure they can really compare to the work of genius that is the vagina. Here is a small video explaining how this association came to be: CLICK HERE!

So while the mere fact that I am Canadian should be case enough for the coolness of our country, I think the above mentioned points merely reinforce the fact. I hope that those of you forced by unfortunate circumstances (such as birth) to live elsewhere will come and visit us soon and experience our amazingness first-hand. My door is always open.

Hey, all, Polt from Polt’s Palace here. When I got the email from Craiggers asking for guest post, I knew I HAD to do one. I mean, how I could I NOT return the favor to the guy who in his guest post outed me as ‘the bottomingest bottom who ever bottomed’? Unfortunately, I can’t out Criaggers as a big ole’ power bottom cause, well, is there anyone out there who doesn’t already know that? So I had to think of something else.

I’ve been a dedicated Puntabulous reader since sometime in 2006, and over those ensuing years, I’ve seen many photos of Craiggers, and saved many to masturbate to for some unknown use in the future. And now, I figure, is as good a time as any to use them! So I hereby present:

15. Mickey-earred Craiggers

This is one of the first photos I ever stole saw of Craiggers. Love the ears, and the look on his face, kinda goofy, but cute too. What’s not to love?

14. Bundled up Craiggers

This was when the heat in his New York apartment was turned off, and he had to bundle up to stay warm, or something. Whatever. At any rate, he just looks so cute with the little boy smile and all wrapped up, just like he’s ready to go outside and make a snow angel.

13. Antlered Criaggers

Does this one even need any explanation as to why it’s a fav? The Good, Dorky, Fun-iness of it is obvious, right?

12. Fruity Craiggers

Any photo of Craiggers licking fruits, of any kind, you know HAS to be in my top favs!

11. Brownie Craiggers

During one of the guest debates, Craiggers made a batch of brownies. And just as he’s licking the spoon, don’t you just wanna lick the brownie mix right off his nose? And the purple collar he’s sporting is a bonus.

10. Reviewed Craiggers

A review of Puntabulous appeared in this issue of Cybersocket Craigger’s is holding. I like this one because I think this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to seeing Craiggers and pornography together. Oh, and doesn’t he look so good in his glasses? Smart and attractive!

9. Tam and Craiggers

I love this one cause it’s got my two Puntabulous crushes: Craiggers AND Tam. I’ve been crushing on Craiggers since like…well, forever. But since I met Tam this past week, she’s now a crush of mine as well. She’s so awesome, I’d go to the dark side for her. But I’d come back for Craiggers!

8. Ninja Craiggers

I have no idea what this is from and truthfully, I didn’t even know I had saved it until I stumbled upon it looking for photos for this guest post. But every time I see it, I laugh until I almost pee myself…and I’m not even into golden showers! It’s just so funny!

7. Pre-Puntabulous Craiggers

This is Craiggers just a few short years before Puntabulous. As you can see, his cuteness was preordained. And from what I’ve seen of his sister Amanda and his nephews, I have to say, cuteness runs in the McAnally genes.

6. Abs-ey Craiggers

Craiggers’ abs of steel. Nuff said.

5. Tall Craiggers

This is a photo I’ve fantasized about being positioned in showing just how tall Craiggers really is. You wouldn’t know it from the other photos, but he’s like 12’3″ tall. Big boy, eh?

4. Hooded Craiggers

Harkening back to Ninja Craiggers in #8, here we have a collegiate Craiggers, exiting the shower in a hood and towel. This had something to do with a hood that he and his college friends made jokes about and what have you. Me, I can’t help but think how there’s too much fabric in this photo, like too much hood and towel. But that’s just me.

3. Beer Bedded Craiggers

Many times have I rolled over in bed and seen this view: Craiggers in bed offering me a beer and shirtless body. And then I wake up and curse Morpheus for his evil, disingenuous dreams. Course, I never really dreamed Craiggers sunburnt, or with the mutant freak shoulder hair, but hey, like I’d quibble over that?

2. Innertubed Craiggers

When I think of Craiggers, this is always what comes to mind: flourescent green innertube wearing, beer drinking, slightly bloodshot eyes, dusting of hairychestedness, overall sexiness personified Craiggers. And this would have been the #1 photo, but for one I saw not too long ago.

1. Wanton Slut Craiggers

Ostensibly, Criaggers used this photo to show us the Canada t-shirt that Tam brought him. But I think he’s showing so much more. Muscley, hairy legs akimbo. Crotch thrust forward wantonly. Porn set lighting. “Come now, take me, and make me your love muppet” look on his face. Oh I think we ALL know what Criaggers is saying here. He’s encouraging the stalker inside me to stalk more, he likes the game…and I know where the nearest train depot is.

So until I see you person (like whilst I’m peering through your bedroom window) keep up the great job on Puntabulous. And keep the Craiggers photos coming, these are a bit worn out. Oh, and have a FABulous time in San Francisco!

HUGS…

Enrico from Hotel Tuesday here. When I first started reading Puntabulous, I was so enthralled by Craig’s witty posts that I went far back into Puntabulous history and some old posts. Along the way, I stumbled across this, one of my favorite posts. Not only was it short, simple and funny, but it mentioned Kate Winslet AND I LOLed at Susannah’s comment, which totally made the post pointless.

So anyway, Craig decided that no one liked these entries or something and stopped making them. Whenever he mentions these old entries, I often bug him and tell him to start making them again because I enjoy them.

So when Craig asked for guest bloggers, I figured I could use this opportunity to rally support for the return of Puntabulous Does The Movies!

Here are some examples of Puntabulous Does the Movies that Craig has recently missed out on:

Here is Craig when he was cast as Miley Cyrus’ love interest in Hannah Montana: The Movie.

When shooting began, Hannah’s signature blond wig was often missing from the set. When Miley caught Craig wearing the wig, she had him fired.

Craig was the original actor hired to play Mr. Brown (Madea’s boyfriend) in Madea Goes To Jail.

He was let go when everyone finally realized he wasn’t black.

This is Craig when he briefly played the role of Carrie Bradshaw’s assistant in Sex and the City: The Movie.

But after replacing Sarah Jessica Parker’s wardrobe with only argyle-patterned clothing, he was fired. He was replaced by the equally sassy Jennifer Hudson.

And who could forget Craig’s recent role as Dr. Manhattan in Watchmen?

Unfortunately, Craig was cut from the movie based on audeince reaction during early screenings of the movie. The director later revealed: “All you could hear were gasps when Craig appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of him.” A ‘lesser’ actor was hired to replace him.

Now do you see why Craig needs to bring back PDTM? If he doesn’t, you guys will always remember these poor excuses as the last installments of PDTM, and they deserve better. And did you ever realize that the tag “movies” leads to the link “http://puntabulous.com/category/puntabulous-does-the-movies/”? I say it’s time to make that link actually take us to Puntabulous Doing the Movies! Now who’s with me?

This guest post comes to use from the lovely and talented Michelle M. The creator of Master Bader and all around genius, she really needs a blog of her own to share her amazingness with the rest of the world.

Who can take a website,

A topic or review,

Wrap them up in argyle and a laugh out loud or two?

Puntabulous.

Puntabulous can.

Puntabulous can cause he mixes it with love and makes us all feel good.

Who can take a bunny,

Evil to the core,

Keep it sick and twisted so that we come back for more?

Puntabulous.

Puntabulous can.

Puntabulous can cause he mixes it with love and makes us all feel good.

He’ll go that extra mile,

To make his monkeys smile,

Good, dorky fun is such a high.

You’ll believe a pill can fly.

Craig is such an awesome guy.

Who can write a story

And teach us something too,

Debate his opposition with great wit and derring do?

Puntabulous.

Puntabulous can.

Puntabulous can cause he mixes it with love and makes us all feel good.

And we feel good cause Puntabulous thinks we should.