Jul
1
It’s awkward talking about dating with Mom, but I have to give her props for taking an interest and being the one to initiate the conversations, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. After three recent dating failures of varying degrees of fail, Mom just couldn’t wrap her mind around people not wanting to date me. I tried to tell her it’s because I’m pretty boring, which she was not willing to accept. Aw, shucks Mom! “But you have a great job!” she exclaimed. Which is funny because it’s just so telling what moms look for in potential suitors for their children. As if to say “You didn’t bring up your 401K on your date? Why not?!”
But besides a few good one liners, I’m not the most exciting date in town. I’m the Cyclops to other guys Wolverine. Minus the cool mutant powers, which makes me even more boring than Cyclops and I bet you didn’t even think that was possible. I’m the Richard to their Superman. The Lon to their Noah. (Geez, poor James Marsden.) My point is, I like to be in bed early during the week, I enjoy playing Scrabble with my parents, and I look terrible in spandex. Thrilling my life is not.
After I was able to convince Mom that I was possibly not the most exciting guy around, she said that maybe I’d make a good second husband. Like, after they marry the exciting boys and get divorced (obviously, because exciting boys will always let you down. I mean, you saw the Wolverine spin-off movie, didn’t you?) they will be more willing to accept the boring guy who likes to get into his pajamas the minute he gets home from work. So basically what I’m trying to tell you, is that you need to get married, have your heart broken, and allow me to swoop in and pick up the pieces of your shattered self. Is that too much to ask? And make it snappy cause I’m not getting any younger.
July 1st, 2009 at 5:40 am
I would pick Cyclops over Wolverine any day.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:01 am
Oh no, I’m not having this. There are plenty of people who find you very exciting. You are a catch and any man would be lucky to have you. Now chin up and get back out there.
All that notwithstanding, I pretty much fit your criteria and I’m in my pjs at 7pm on a Wednesday night, so if you want to start swooping, let me know. I’ll put the kettle on or something.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:40 am
Waiting for lightning to strike two people at once is excruciating [the wait, not the lightning]. But have faith; we all know you’re a catch, so any man worthy of you should be able to see that as well.
In the meanwhile, have you considered a short Toronto vacation? I hear it is quite the town.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:45 am
Only three failures? I agree with Sven. Get back out there! It is through failure that we know we are trying. Even if it takes 10 or 20 dating experiances with sub-optimal results I think it will have been worth it when you find the right guy. The trials of the journey can make the destination all the more worth while.
Now if only I could take my own advice.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:19 am
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in your pajamas. I’d be in mine 24/7 if I had my way.
You’re intelligent, sweet, funny, tall, and good looking. It’s just a matter of time before you and that special someone are watching tv while wearing his and his Slankets.
Exciting is overrated.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:21 am
Okay, so my ex wears bowties, played clarinet, and was wont to start singing Bach at any given moment. He was also emotionally abusive and a lying liar of a cheating cheater.
My dear, sweet, wonderful David tends to be a bit of a hermit and is freaked out by pretty much everything under the sun, but I fell for him because he’s fun to spend time with and he’s got adorable brown puppy dog eyes. And after 4 years we still make each other laugh every day. You could do far worse than being second husband material.
Oh, and David didn’t come along for the second time (long-ish story) until I was 36 and he was 37, so don’t fret too much.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:27 am
Thanks for the kind words everyone! This wasn’t meant to be a boost my confidence post though. I already know I’m hella awesome.
It was more to generate a conversation about “boring” guys/girls and “exciting” guys/girls and get you guys to share your experiences with each.
Kari: Me too.
Sven: I’ll be right there!
TwoPi: Good idea. I just to make sure I’m all caught up with my vaccinations.
Chris D: Yeah! Get out there!
Michelle M: LOL @ “his and his slankets”
Mel: Thanks for sharing.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:34 am
Craig–you are definitely a catch! And much much more exciting than most people I know. (And, for the record, on the days I work from home, the only reason I get out of my pajamas at all is so that I don’t humiliate myself when putting Patrick on the school bus. Otherwise, I would be in them all day.)
July 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am
Okay, FIRST of all, Cyclops is MUCH more of a catch than Wolverine! Secondly, I’m sure you look quite desirable in spandex. Thirdly, I didn’t think it was possible for me to love your mom anymore than I already did, but this post almost makes me want to marry her myself, she sounds so darn cute. Course, that would make you my step-son…and we don’t live in West Virginia were that kinda thing is accepted, so…but I digress.. Fourthly, I think TwoPi had an awesome idea, but yeah, you might wanta get all your shots, and take a 50 gallon drum of hand sanitizer. Trust me on this. And fifthly, this is the bottom line: wild, mysterious, exciting guys are great for a weekend fling, or one night stand, or a few hours fun in Toronto, but if you want to settle down with someone, you’re gonna choose hte jammies by 7, Scrabble with parents kinda guy. You just need to find the guys wanting this. And they’re out there Craiggers….in south central Pennsylvania if not Long Island…just sayin…
HUGS….
July 1st, 2009 at 7:51 am
I’ve been seeing a Great guy for four weeks, and he is the complete opposite what I thought I was looking for; meaning he’s not an Abercrombie and Fitch model. But then we have so much fun together. We were friends first and I think that makes a big difference. When I stopped looking, that’s when I realized what I was looking for was right in front of me.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:14 am
Ah this story rings so familiar, as I’m sure it does to the other dancing monkeys here (I’m looking at you Chris D).
I like to call what you have the curse of the nice guy. As everyone above has said, and you admit you know, you are totally made of awesome and have so much to offer. The right guy will see it, just like the right woman saw it in me.
I’m no Michael Bay film either and it took me a long time to come to terms with that, but I did and the pay off was worth every second (though I will admit, some of those seconds were really frustrating and difficult to accept). It happened for me and it will happen for you.
Oh, and I *love* your mom! And while I am sure you tell her so and show her, you totally need to hug and kiss her tonight when you get home and tell her you love her.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:33 am
Mark: I want to hear more about you and this guy!
john: LOL @ “’I’m no Michael Bay film”
July 1st, 2009 at 8:53 am
Hey Craig
Again thanks for the link
Good luck with the dating! You’re definately a catch. Your are the rare species that is ‘HOT gay nerd’ hehe.
Hugs
Andrew
July 1st, 2009 at 8:55 am
If I’ve learned anything from my many years of dating – and I’m not saying I actually HAVE learned anything, please note the “if” – it’s that when it comes down to it, looks aren’t the most important thing, your job isn’t the most important thing, your mutant power is not the most important thing, none of these are. The guys out there that succeed are the ones who have that ‘confidence’ thing going on. They just walk into the room, they don’t even have to try, they aren’t cocky or arrogant, just completely at ease in their skin, talk to who ever the want to talk to and just win you over with their low-key self-assurance. As long as you have that going for you, it’s only a matter of time.
I had a roommate years ago. Standard issue guy, not the hottest body, worked as a graphic artist. But he wore his skin so comfortably, he would bring home one stunner after another. And these were guys he was dating, not tricks. He and his partner have two kids at this point.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:57 am
We were friends in High School. It was funny because we would talk about how the girls in our school were so immature, like that was the reason we never dated any of them. And when we talked about our future relationships, we would both use words like “person” or “someone” instead of girl, woman etc. But we were both so deep in the dark closet that we never came out to each other.
Fast forward #$@ years, he moved back home after his Mom died and we started hanging out. It slowly turned into more and later this month we’re going on our first vacation together, to Key West of all places.
My fingers are still crossed, but it’s looking good.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:01 am
Oh, Mark, that’s awesome! It almost sounds like a cheesy chick flick…except with cool gay guys like yourself! Sweet! Enjoy the trip!
HUGS….
July 1st, 2009 at 9:06 am
Oh great, another post where Craig gets his Dancing Monkeys to tell him how wonderful he is!!!! Another typical day in Punta-World… STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
July 1st, 2009 at 9:09 am
There are plenty of people out there who are not looking for “exciting”. Just be yourself and you will find your perfect match. Who cares how long it takes, because in the meantime, you’ll be with yourself, and since you’re so awesome, it will be great! I agree with David – as long as you are happy in your own skin, you can have your pick of the litter!
July 1st, 2009 at 9:09 am
Polt: I’ve thought the same thing. Kinda scary.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am
Well, I suppose its better to be the second husband than the starter one. Everyone knows a starter husband is just sort of a toss-away. So where do recently dumped people hang out? That’s the trick. If you go to a bar look for the guy hunched over his beer and crying, Now he could just be an alcoholic but perhaps slipping a tip to the bartender could help clear that up. Or maybe morose looking guys sitting on park benches alone. Serial killer maybe but you have to take chances with your love life. Guys standing on bridges and window ledges could likely fall into the category but I think the long-term possibilities of those relationships are limiting so I’d pass on those. Hanging outside a therapists office might snag you one or two and definitely lone guys at ice-cream shops buying the largest tub o’ ice-cream they can get have great potential as searching for the second husband.
Mark: Yay you!!! Have a wonderful vacation and I’m very happy for you.
Mel: I’m not sure wearing a bow-tie and playing the clarinet qualifies as exciting. Odd perhaps would be a better description.
Oh and while I find Hugh Jackman hot (him shirtless being the only redeeming feature of Australia
), I would do Cyclops over Wolverine any day. But then I guess I’m on my second husband search aren’t I? Not that #1 was all that exciting.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:17 am
I agree with Adam.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:20 am
Ummm, should have clarified I am NOT looking for a second husband thank you very much. BTDT got the t-shirt and kid to go with it. No need to repeat the process.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:22 am
Aw, Tam….you’re NOT looking for a second husband? well, damn, why did I bother buying you breakfast at The Golden Griddle then??? I was hoping to get my Canadian citizenship that way!
HUGS…
July 1st, 2009 at 9:30 am
Well, not being in a position to offer any sort of credible dating advice, James Marsden has and always will be my first choice in all those movies you references (except “The Notebook,” which I haven’t seen).
July 1st, 2009 at 9:36 am
Jere: You haven’t seen The Notebook?! Get on it! (That’s what he said.)
July 1st, 2009 at 9:51 am
It looks like a chick flick.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:54 am
Oh for sure. It’s the pinnacle of all chick flicks. Your estrogen levels will go through the roof upon watching it. But it’s so good!
July 1st, 2009 at 9:55 am
Tam: I never said the ex was exciting – that was kind of my point. He was like dealing with a petulant six-year-old much of the time, and a sanctimonious prick most of the rest of the time. David’s far and away more enjoyable to be with, and I’m very okay with being half of a boring married couple. The exciting boys always dumped me within two months anyway.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:09 am
In Honor of Tam:
Ahem…..
O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
July 1st, 2009 at 10:11 am
I’ve never see the Notebook nor will I. Why on earth would you CHOOSE to watch something that makes you bawl your eyes out. (Unless your exciting first husband just dumped you and you’re feeling maudlin?) Give me a car chase or an alien invasion any day.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:12 am
Awwww Mark. Thanks so much. Wishing all the Puntabucanucks a wonderful holiday today.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:13 am
Tam: I didn’t think it possible, but I think I just fell deeper in love with you.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:18 am
I have new found respect for the Canadian National Anthem what with the line about commanding love with all thy true sons, or some such thing.
HUGS….
July 1st, 2009 at 10:22 am
Polt: I think Mark had first dibs on marrying me although now he’s gone off and gotten himself a boyfriend. *sniff* *sniff*
July 1st, 2009 at 10:26 am
If I wasn’t happily married and was a gay male you’d be perfect for me. Anyone who likes to get in their jammies upon coming home from work is okay in my book. I do it all the time and people mock me for it
One thing I like about winter is that it’s dark early and jammie time doesn’t seem weird.
What a cool mom you have and I like playing games with my parents too.
One more thing, YOU ARE NOT BORING. Your debates are legendary and halarious.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:31 am
Tam: The three of us can still get married, just don’t expect any sexytimes! But you could help us raise our 17 adopted children.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:36 am
Oh and btw, Cyclops OR Wolverine? hel-LO! Either, thank you very much. While Hugh is more my fantasy type, James could mutate me any of day of the week. Hell, Iceman or Pyro would do nicely, too.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:39 am
I’m pretty sure that everyone is “boring” once the initial fun phase wears off, anyway. Um, not that I am saying you are boring, of course.
Like someone else said, if you weren’t gay? I’d be all over that.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:41 am
Mark: Ummm, pass thanks. I’m in the process of raising one and that’s PLENTY. (Great though she is.)
David: How about Cyclops AND Wolverine. If we’re talking fantasy here lets go all the way people.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am
The definition of boring is tiresome. Your blog is anything but tiresome, and Scrabble isn’t that bad though I’m more a Monopoly freak myself.
Face it, most people are boring.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:50 am
Yay Canada Day! I’m gonna party like sir John A. would have wanted me to. I’ve not seen the Notebook, it looks mega lame sauce. My sister said that when she saw it in theatres she was fairly certain that the sniffles was louder than the movie. My favouite chick flick is About a Boy.
The important thing to way in on though, I would rather have cyclops than wolverine. Besides, wolverine is like 150 years old or something. Although, I suppose he would always look good, when I was fast into my decrepitude. Sigh.
And I’m sure Craiggles will have no problem finding a man. If you can’t find a man in New York, where can you?
July 1st, 2009 at 11:56 am
Summer: Thanks for the reminder! I need to get cracking on new debates.
Hilly: Thanks!
Tony P: I love Monopoly too! But it has the terrible reputation of “taking too long to play” that no one ever wants to play.
Nathan: I’ve never seen About a Boy.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Monopoly never takes too long to play when I play because I suck at it and can lose in about 45 min.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Dates? What are those? I have a vague recollection of being on one last millenium, but it could be memory playing a trick on me. Do evenings with a pint of chocolate ice cream count?
The optimist in me believes that the right person will come along eventually, maybe when least expected.
Canada Day reminds me that I have an acquaintance who ’s a Member of Parliament up there. Tam, you need to write him about exporting free boxes of Crunchie bars to the U.S. (read: me)
July 1st, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Monopoly is pretty good, but it gets boring once all of the properties are bought up. I’m a fan of Settlers, Risk, Clue, and card games like Euchre, wizard, and spades.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:43 pm
FDot: I’ll send you some.
I’m dying to know who the MP is now.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:57 pm
You’re one of my favorite people to be around so I know how completely awesome you are. Boring? Never!
I have had zero luck in dating but from what I’ve seen the so called ‘exciting’ guys have very short attention spans and no hope of a serious relationship. The best guys are the ones that you can talk to and will listen, empathize and make you laugh – all of which you do in spades. When you find the right guy who is deserving of all the love you have to give, it will be a relationship that will be strong and last.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Nathan: I lurve me some Clue. I even have the Clue:Master Edition, which includes like four more rooms, three more weapons, and four more people! Suh-WEET!
HUGS…
July 1st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I’m all sorts of boring, except in a few ways my husband finds very compelling.
*ahem*
Don’t settle. It will happen, cause you are hella awesome. Don’t get angsty about it and settle. Get what you deserve Craigers, which is only the best.
(Sorry I’ve turned into a lurker, btw.)
July 1st, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Just look at them monkeys dance!!!!
Where is Dave S. when you really need him to totally derail the conversation? Some valid attempts with the Canada Day and board game side conversations but still getting way too many “Craig, you are so awesome” comments.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Envy is an ugly thing Adam.
Go get your own monkeys.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Is it safe to assume some of my fellow geeks have played Cranium? *LOVE* that game.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I’ve never played Cranium. Anyone ever play Quoridor?
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/624
July 1st, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I have played Cranium, but never Quoridor.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Craig: You need to try Cranium, I bet your family would have a blast with it. Think Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit, Charades and sculpting all at once, it is a ton of fun.
Quoridor looks like a great game! I swear the best games have the most simple concepts.
I think this may have come up before: who here has played Magic: The Gathering and who still has cards?
July 1st, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Tam: The MP is Rod Bruinooge. Manitoba riding of South Winnipeg. Conservative party. If you see him, tell him he owes me a game of Trivial Pursuit.
Yay, games! Has anyone ever played Fluxx?
July 1st, 2009 at 2:25 pm
FDot: Wow, I used to live in that riding many years ago. If I run into him on the Hill I’ll pass on the message.
Never played Fluxx.
July 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
And here I was just thinking it was time to start looking for a second husband… Fancy relocating to the left coast? LOL
July 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Craig:
1.) I’m working on my first husband so hopefully this won’t take long.
2.) Cyclops has some amazing cheekbones.
3.) I think you’re very interesting and exciting, maybe you’re marketing to the wrong demographic.
July 1st, 2009 at 3:53 pm
john: Cranium is great.
My favorite board game for playing with friends is Apples to Apples.
Happy Canada Day to the Canadians! Is the weather right for fireworks?
July 1st, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I would hug you and kiss you and call you George.
July 1st, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Ooh – I kick ass at Cranium.
Adam – you are wonderful and awesome too! Just not as wonderful and awesome as Craig.
July 1st, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Howard: LOL!
July 1st, 2009 at 4:59 pm
some days, I think that everyone loves cranium but me…
July 1st, 2009 at 5:15 pm
YOU?!? BORING?!? WHAT?!? ;o) I’ve been in stitches tever since I began reading your blog (well over a year now), all the guest posts, & the scathing commentary… How can you be boring??? ;o) FYI: When you stop looking for something/someone, it may actually just find you… ;o) Shoot, if you were in Minneapolis-St. Paul, I’d totally go on a date w/ ya… ;o) Keep hope alive!!! ;o)
July 1st, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I agree with Gill agreeing with Adam
When have you ever tried on spandex to know you don’t look good? Nevermind, I don’t want to know.
July 1st, 2009 at 6:43 pm
You are not alone. My partner often mentions I’d like a new married couple he’s met, saying, “They’re lame like us. They like to play board games.” And he’s almost always right. You won’t have to wait to be sloppy seconds. It just takes time sometimes.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Howard: Very funny. So far the weather is cooperating. We’ll see by 10:00.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I have played Cranium a few times. It is fun. It is a good way to get to know your fellow players. I also like Catchphrase.
I am pretty sure I would not want to date someone much more wild than me. While I do enjoy going out and having fun on occasion, it is not something I want to do all the time. I also don’t see myself wanting to date someone much more introverted than myself. I’m not really interested in people that are too similar to me either. That is boring. I suppose I am a little picky.
I am looking for someone who whose energy meshes with mine in a synergistic way. I would like to be in a relationship that inspires both people to be more than than would be on their own. I want to be challenged to be a better person, but also to feel the comfort of a safe harbor when I need that. All this is mostly theoretical, I am still learning to find my way.
Mark: It is great to hear about your relationship! It is encouraging to be reminded that things can work out. I wish you all the best.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I know how you feel Craig, but at least you haven’t just plain given up trying.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:22 pm
My 2 cents: Tell your mom I love her
Wolverine is my least favorite character in the x-men movies.
Second husband is not much a recommendation or life-goal I’m afraid, who wants to be settled for? Once all the ‘exciting’ men get a dose of real life, regular work, paying bills, going to bed early during the week, watching TV, exciting becomes secondary very fast.
In your free time, when you have the energy, do stuff you really enjoy, hopefully it involves interacting with people. I met all my friends and boyfriends doing things I enjoyed (playing Volleyball, dancing (BF 3) going swimming (BF 4&5), volunteering in the GLBT center (BF 1&2).
July 1st, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Ugz! I want to go on datez but I automatically get nervous and start to yammer and act like a nervous freakbox. I lack the chill skillz necessary to attract a mate. Boooooz R’ Us!
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I work from home, so I never even take my pajamas off.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:05 pm
By curious coincidence, David decided last night that our Netflix viewing for the evening should be the movie “Enchanted”, which despite being Disney is all about figuring out that maybe the second option is the better one. Except James Marsden was the exciting first choice in this one. So maybe, Craig, you’re not James Marsden, but rather Patrick Dempsey (*rrowr*).
One thing I do know for certain, though, is that I’ll never forgive Michael Eisner for introducing toilet humor into the Disney œuvre.
July 4th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I would marry you in a New York minute. I also think Wolverine is by far and away the worst X-Man character ever. You’re pretty much delightfully perfect. Migrate to Canada with that good job of yours and you are mine!!
July 9th, 2009 at 12:19 am
You are so darn adorable! How could anyone NOT want to marry you? Keep searching, he’s out there…