Jul
10
My parents are going on a cruise to Alaska so I’ll have the house to myself for a week starting on Saturday. Clearly I have to fit a lot of stuff into this week that I can’t normally do for the other 51 weeks out of the year. I mean, a year of hooking up in only a week? How the heck am I supposed to hook up zero times in such a short time frame?
Anyway, last time I had the house to myself I told you all the fun stuff you can do. Now it’s your turn to tell me what I can do while they’re gone as I nurse my booze cruise hangover think fondly back on last night.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Walk around naked. That’s always my fave thing when I have a place to myself.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:22 am
I like to eat crap food when I’m home alone. Doritos for dinner. Yum. Eat all the stuff you normally don’t get because no one else likes it or your Mom would freak if you ate half a cheesecake for dinner, with a half a bottle of gin.
Playing music really loud is good. Watching porn with the sound on instead of the headphones.
Make it a clothing-free week. Soon as you get home, strip off and don’t get dressed again until you have to leave the house. Keeping the drapes closed is optional depending on if your inner exhibitionist wants to come out to play.
Hope that helps and hope your parents have a blast on their cruise.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Wild sexxx orgiez (feat. crying strippaz)!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 9:30 am
A year’s worth of sex in one week? Go to Toronto, that’s how I accomplish that.
What to do, what to do?
- Let the dishes lay around on the table, the stands, the coffee table etc.
- Watch porn on the family tv in the living room, not your small screen black and white in your bedroom.
- Have a large group of friends over for a Puntabuparty (frankly, I’d rather be at a party WITH your parents there, they seem so much fun!).
- Rearrange the furniture to suit YOUR needs, not your parents.
- Practice your ninja moves without fear of someone watching you and embarrassing yourself.
- Juggle the fine china.
- Sleep in as late as you want.
- Make a fort out of the sofa cushions, and leave it that way for weeks!
- Walk across the rugs while wearing your shoes!
- Hang the abstract painting upside down and see if your parents know the difference when they return!
Or you could do what I do: sit on the sofa in your boxers only with a gallon of Moose Tracks ice cream and cheap beer and watch movies On Demand while texting your friends about how awesome your life truly is.
Have fun, and HUGS….
July 10th, 2009 at 9:31 am
And when I said about leaving the sofa fort there for weeks, by weeks I obviously meant days, as your parents won’t be gone weeks.
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I have said it before and I’ll say it again:
NAKED Wii!!!!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 9:44 am
When I have the house to myself, I don’t generally sleep late, but sometimes I go to bed disgustingly early. It’s nice when nobody is there to judge me going to bed at 7 o’clock.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Sleep in their bed.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I think you should have five peoples or so over and have a nice, relaxing evening of board games and booze.
Although Josh’s plans sounded pretty good.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:00 am
The headline is “PACKING a lot into a little”. There is a picture of FUDGE under that.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Tell me thats not a picture of fudge?
You should host a web cam and have people pay you to do things…
July 10th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Sell the house, take the profits and retire to the Cayman Islands. You can do all that in a week, right?
July 10th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Yes it’s a picture of fudge….
I like the making money idea. Maybe not the webcam, but I can totally sell the house in a week. I mean, it’s not like I need to make a profit on it, so as long as I get a few grand I’ll be happy.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:14 am
You should definitely throw a party. Seriously. Everyone should throw a party in the house while the parents are away just once in their life. Plus your family strikes me as the kind that would just think this is funny….
hm other than that, it’s probably time to dust off the old manhunt or gay.com profile and go trollin’
July 10th, 2009 at 10:18 am
I’m also in favor of eating junk food and not doing any dishes the whole week. I don’t think I would be naked the whole time, but I would definitely stay in my PJ’s. and kudos to Piers for catching the fudge thing…..too funny!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Make homemade fudge.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Oops, that was meant to be part of a longer comment, but now I’ll just leave it alone as my advice for how to spend the week.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Behave and respect your parents’ wishes!?!?
Or invite all the dancing monkeys over for a dance party!
July 10th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Enrico and Josherz should definitely come out to LI for a dance party.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I’ll come over, but I won’t dance. lol.
And seriously Craig, when are Josh and I meeting you? I need something to blog about and I guess our meeting could become a blog post!
July 10th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I’m ready when you guys are.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:10 am
You won’t dance! Why not? A life without dancing is a life not worth living.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Enrico: No dancing? Why not? Does Craig have to spike the punch?
July 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Josh: A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.
I’ll have to keep these all in mind as the Mrs. is going to a conference for a week later this month.
My actions are pretty mundane when I have the house to myself. I get to watch whatever I want and I can find everything where I left it.
Enrico: What’s with the no dancing? He didn’t say you had to strip.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I want to meet PUNTA PEOPLE NOW!
Enricoz: You don’t have to dance. I’ll be the one swinging my skank ass around on the strippa pole! Get the vaseline!
John: I’m surprised that the Bloodhound Gang haven’t won any Grammyz yet.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
It’s sad to say but when I have the house to myself I usually spend my time cleaning and working on all those projects around the house you usually don’t have time for (rewireing light fixtures, painting baseboards, caulking bathtubs, etc.) but if I were you I would definitely do the naked thing and the party thing, and most likely a naked party thing
July 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
RE: “Does Craig have to spike the punch?”
Um, who said the punch would be UNspiked to begin with? What is this, the 8th grade formal?
July 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
It’s a secret goal of mine to drink spiked punch and wake up confused, sad and naked. Hooray for wishing the worst for mahself!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Enrico: What is up with the no dancing? I would have to say the one thing I miss the most from “big city life” is going to the club. I can’t dance, and have on more than one occasion inflicted bodily and/or rhythmical damage on fellow dancers with my white boy dance floor flailing, but I love getting my groove on!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Josh: So I’ll see you this weekend?
July 10th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
M. Nicodemus–Could you come over to my house and I’ll leave you alone there for a week? I have a leaky faucet, some really high lightbulbs that need to be changed, hedges that need to be trimmed …
July 10th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Craiggerz & Cheeze: As much as I would love for you to drug me and take advantage of my uninhibited state of vulnerability, I sadderz have to go to my hetero sista’z engagement party. Ug! People who aren’t me in happy relationshipz! Boooooooooz R’ Us!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Who’s Cheeze?
July 10th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
“Craiggerz & Cheeze” is your new name now, dear. LOVEZ IT?! You better. IT’S ENDEARING!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
LOVEZ IT! CRAIGGERZ AND CHEEZE IN THE HIZZY!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I think you pretty well covered things last time around, except for eating ice cream directly from the carton. Same goes with milk, juice, cereal, etc.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Craiggerz and Cheese in the Hizzy all alonerz-like and nekkid, yo! (eh, I’m a 41 year old white guy, that’s the best I can do).
Ya know, all this wondering what people are gonna do when alone in the house makes me giggle. I’m alone in the house ALL the time. And naked too. (well, not alone all the time actually, sometimes friends come over…and if they’re really good friends, then I’m still naked! Ba-dum-DUM!)
Seriously, if there’s a Craiggers/Enrickyricardo/josh dance party happenin’ on Long Island, there DAMN well better be pictures! Spiked punch pole dancing or not!
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I don’t have a passport, so going to the States is illegal for me! I should get on that….
I didn’t even know that Craig has a stripper pole installed in his house for Josherz to dance upon.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Nathaaaaan, get a passport man. Speaking of which, I wonder where mine is? I should get on that.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Nicolle: When M. Nico is done at your house, can he stop by mine? I have some painting that needs to be done.
Josh: YAY! I thought you would get that. I know, right? “Hooray for Boobies was a musical masterpiece.
Craig: Looks like you need a new felony for the weekend as Josh is busy.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Nathan: I thought josh was gonna bring his own stripper pole. I mean, surely he has one, right? And yeah, you really should get on the passport deal. Dont wanna miss the Puntabuparty, when it happens, right?
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Or ya know, if most of us Puntabupeople in the USofA have a passport already, perhaps we could have a Puntabparty North, somewhere in Canada, like…oh, I don’t know, Toronto????
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
You could check out this site. Funny stuff The romance covers had me in tears, some of the by-lines are hilarious.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Toronto is the awesomest. And really convenient for me.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I’ve been to a club ONCE and it was in Minneapolis. So I danced there cause I assumed no one would ever see me again!
I do enjoy dancing in my house when no one is looking. I also enjoyed choreographed dance. But I feel like men have it so much harder when it comes to dancing. My hands don’t know what to do!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
RE: “My hands don’t know what to do!”
They should be spanking the imaginary person bent over in front of you.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Your handz are supposed to grope, punch and strangle…at least that’s what I do…kind of explainz why I’m single.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Have a few beers, Enrickyricardo, then you won’t care how you’re dancing or what your hands are doing. Oh, wait, yeah, you don’t drink. Okay. Well I got no ideas then.
Craiggers: LOL!!! You go on with your bad self!
josh: the groping wouldn’t be an issue on the dance floor, but the punching and strangling, yeah, that’s generally frowned upon.
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
“My hands don’t know what to do!” Oh, Enrickyricardo, I know! You can just wave them in the air-urrr, like you just don’t care-urrrr!!!
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I hear men shouldn’t raise their hands above their heads while dancing. It’s a rule.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I like that rule. When I see guyz starting to wave their armz in the air I instantly want to call the Douche Patrol and have them apprehending for looking like toolboxez.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
John: Has some pretty young thing been kneading your balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock?
And Craig, while you’re home alone you should def watch porn in the living room with the surround sound. Crank it up, screw the neighbors!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Those of you who are suggesting watching porn in the living room are showing your age. I mean, who has VHS/DVD porn these days?
July 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Oh! So the two hotties get invited over for a dance party?! What about the rest of us Craig?
July 10th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
You only have a VCR/DVD in the living room? Aww, sorry sweety. If you need some entertainment I can loan you my Pong console.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Or I could draw you a flip book. It would keep one hand occupied, but you can do whatever you want with the other hand.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I want to dance! aka drink heavily and forget my earthly problemaz!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Mark: A flip book! BWahahaah…you crack me up!
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Enrico: Jazz Hands!
Craig: Some of us have been buying porn before the internet…Plus, a good tv will allow you to hook up a laptop to view your files on the big screen.
Mark: LOL! Not as often as I would like. Oh, and I hope that the tow hotties are going to be the subject of the web cam scheme to make money.
Josh: I hope you shake that azz like you got no clazz.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
john’s advice to josh is awezomecopterz!
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
you can’t put some porn on a usb and watch it on a ps3 or hook your laptop to the tv or connect to the internetz on your wii and watch porn thusly! That’s what ALL the cool kids do.
You can put your hands in the air sometimes. It depends on the song and the party of course. Besides dancing is easy. Pretend no one is looking. I have a move that I teach everyone called “Big fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box.” With that move alone anyone can dance. It must be on the internetz somewhere.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
i just watched a highly illuminating youtube video of bob the builder, wherein they dance the big fish little fish cardboard box dance with a few other moves. I musn’t forget to “bish bash bosh it” in my future trips to the dance bar.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Nathan: HERE IT IS
July 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
If I end up singing this all weekend I’m going to Canada to find Nathan….
July 10th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
OK, I’f I’m invited to the Puntabulous Booze Cruise, can we all do the “Big Fish Little Fish, cardboard box” dance?
July 10th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Obviously I Lurve this new dance craze, simply because in the video, someone’s wearinga leather biker cap and a purple boa while playing the piano.
Bob the Builder, Tinky WInky, even Bugs Bunny did drag. Is there NO cartoon NOT laced with gayness?
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Ya know, I actually envision “Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box” as a kind of line dance thing, ya know?
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Polt: Yeah, that’s why I want all of us to do it on the Puntabulous Booze Cruise.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Oh yeah, we’re doing the little fish big fish dance.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
That isn’t a “2 fish, 1 box” sort of vid, is it?
July 10th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
as much as it sounds absurd, it actually kind works pretty well on the dance floor.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Kegger at Craigger’s!
I say stay up all night and sleep all day!
I’m pulling for a Craig/Enrico/Josh meet up. I hope you guys have fun and take lots of pics.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Your kids will love it TwoPi. (I’m not lying, it’s catchy.)
July 10th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I suspect you’re right, Tam. The boyz haven’t seen the vid yet, but no doubt will soon.
The dance move reminded me vaguely of the Hustle, esp the hand movements in front of the abdomen. Of course, the tempo is completely different.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Dammit, now I can’t get Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box out of my head.
Personally, I prefer dancing that involves a kick-line.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I have the whole house to myself all the time, since I live alone. I don’t walk around nude too often, but it can feel liberating from time to time. After I mow my lawn I will sometimes strip off and throw my clothes in the basement before I take a shower. The cool air awash on my warm wet skin feels invigorating.
I am probably not a great dancer. However I don’t bother getting self conscious about dancing most of the time. My friend likes to make fun of the way I move my hands (below my head, Josh). He thinks my dancing is “cute”. Dancing can actually be very sensual, with the right person, in the right situation.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
TwoPi: “That isn’t a “2 fish, 1 box” sort of vid, is it?” LOLZ!
Jere: Tell me about it! Do you want me to pick you up on my way to Canada to slap Nathan?
July 10th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Michelle: kegger and craigger = kregger?
July 10th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Well if you guys are going to make it as far as Nathan’s you better keep coming and I’ll take you out for dinner. You’ll need to recover your strength after anyway.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Tam: It’s a promise!
July 10th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
huh, wha? Puntabulous Roadtrip to Canada?? Count me in!
We WILL be making a stop in Toronto, right?
HUGS…
July 10th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
I don’t know if you ever read the post I made about the guy that called me a fudge packer, and I didn’t know what he meant. I thought he meant I had a dead-end job, much like packing fudge in a factory would be.
Well, if you haven’t read the post, you did now.
Enjoy your naked lawn-mowing (is that the consensus from the comments?)
July 10th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
naked lawn mowing sounds dangerous. You should at least wear shoes.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:01 am
…and safety glasses.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Craig: You have two options:
1. Connect laptop to VGA input or S-Video input of the TV if it has it.
2. Burn DVD with porn.
OK. I sleep now.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:29 am
People In the Sun: your fudge packing story made me damn near choke on my coffee this morning!
Thanks for the laugh.
HUGS…
July 11th, 2009 at 9:10 am
LOL @ People in the Sun. Are there other descriptions of dreary tasks that sound potentially suggestive?
Bolt-tightener
Tree-planter
Hmmm. Need more coffee.
July 11th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Man I hate working on the weekends! Anyway, naked lawn mowing does sound dangerous especially if we are to believe earlier statements made by our Mad Monkey King.
Oh, and I am a little disappointed at the latest Green Lantern news, I always pictured someone a bit more rugged for the role.
July 11th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Huh, too bad Green Lantern wasn’t shirtless. Mmmmmmm
July 11th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I do not deny that Ryan Renolds is totally lust worthy (I do have a thing for the Canadians
), just a little too pretty for Green Lantern in my humble opinion.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Nico – I had heard that Justin Timberlake was up for the part, so I’m relieved that RR was cast. Plus, hubba.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Speaking of the Green Lantern movie – what about my Wonder Woman movie!! At this rate Bouncing Boy will get a movie before Wonder Woman. I call shenanigans!
July 11th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Michelle M., I would not get my hopes up for a WW movie. The last couple of female-hero movies all were flops. I think Hollywood has given up on that genre, same as Animated movies aimed at teenage boys. The only viable female-lead genre right now is Horror,
oh and chick-flick.
July 11th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Oraganize closets, organize photos, throw out beyond-repair things, drink beer. That’s what I’d do as dream activities.
July 11th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Hmmm, well I always thought Reynolds would be a good Flash, but GL….I don’t know. Oh who the hell am I kidding? He could play a Fuller Brush Man and I’d go see him, just to see HIM!
Michelle M.: Bouncing Boy! Way to shout out to the Legion fans in the hizouse! Yo!
HUGS…
July 12th, 2009 at 9:23 am
A bit off subject, but I saw this and thought that Craig would like it:
http://img.trekmovie.com/images/sfs/bsgcylongcomiccontoaster-large-071109.jpg
July 12th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Ok, I’m going to take advantage of the weekend lull and say I am stunned by the loss of a Big Star. No not Michael or Farrah, or even Ed. I’m talking about Molly Sugden. AKA Mrs. Slocombe from Are You Being Served.
I Loved her and Her Pussy!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unmkX15AeN8
July 12th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
*sigh* back at work again…
Polt: I agree, I would have liked him as the Flash, but I would rather Nathan Fillion had the role of GL.
Michelle: If they do make a WW movie I hope they will give the character the respect she deserves; Hollywood usually does a poor job with strong female lead characters.
July 12th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Is Jannie Craig’s drag alter ego??? If so, you’re using way too much makeup sweetie!
July 12th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Wow, M.Nico, that was one sweet fan trailor you linked to there.
And if I timed this right, I got the 100th comment! Suh-Weet!
HUGS…
July 13th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Wow, that musta been SOME party at Craiggers over the weekend. No new posts from him in DAYS! Maybe he, josh and Enrickyricardo had a pole dancing contest and Craiggers fell and hurt himself somehow??? And worst part of that scenario is that there’s probably not any pictures!!
HUGS…
July 13th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Yeah, it was a wild and wacky weekend. I tried to get the next Super Viagra ready, but just couldn’t finish it.
July 13th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
AH! he’s alive, I thought I was going to have to drive by and see if you were still breathing Craig.
July 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Craig: Did you do any risky business?
July 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
There may or may not have been walking around in my underwear. No dancing though. And I wear boxer briefs, not tighty whities.
July 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Craig: And no prostitutes?
July 13th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Just me.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Hmm, well I’d rather see Craiggers in just his boxers briefs than Tom Cruise in tightywhiteys and a pink shirt with prostitues and a glass egg any day!
HUGS…