Aug
4
As you know, Puntabulous totally loves teh Gin and Tonics! Oh, this is Craig writing by the way, he’s doing his little introduction thingy. Our special guest post just makes him write in the third blog identity person. Anyway, today’s guest post wasn’t written as a Teach Me Something Tuesday, but I think it totally fits! Here to teach us how to properly make a martini comes the delectable VUBOQ!
As some of you may know, VUBOQ *hearts* the gin.
Many, many moons ago, I took my first sip of gin and thought “Wow, I’m drinking a pine forest.” Then, I got very drunk, made a complete ass of myself, and passed out. And that’s how my family celebrated my 5th birthday.
Ha! I kid! Who do you think I am? Drew Barrymore?
A few weeks ago, my friend, Patty, was in town for a conference. We met at the bar in her hotel and she was all
BUT, she had never had a martini. I immediately ordered one for her.
Apparently, even if you *heart* the gin, you may not *heart* the martini. I am beginning to question our 15-year friendship though.
Still with me? Good. Because I do actually have a point.
Back in the Spring, when Craig, my friend, Jake, and I went to see David’s show, Craig mentioned that, even though he *hearts* teh gin, he didn’t know how to make a martini. *gasp* I think I may have swooned. So, here is my illustrated guide, to be preserved forever on teh intartubez as…
(which you may not like even if you *heart* the gin)
What you will need:
Step 1: Measure 1 ounce Dry Vermouth and 3 ounces Gin.
Some people like to think they are being all Cool and Shit when they order a very dry martini. Cold Gin with Olives? Not my cup of tea.
Which reminds me of a story. Back when I was working in a museum gift shop, I had the following conversation with a co-worker:
Co-Worker: I want to try a martini, but I don’t want any alcohol in it.
VUBOQ: What’s that? Olives in a Glass?
Step 2: Fill cocktail shaker with ice and pour in the carefully measured vermouth/gin.
(Do you really need to see a photo to do this? I hope not, because I didn’t take one.)
Step 3: Wait.
Why don’t you use this time to prepare a nice little snack of cheese and crackers?
Step 4: Swirl (or stir) the gin, vermouth, and ice. For the luv of gawd, please do not shake teh gin. Every time you shake a gin martini, a fairy dies. I totally blame James Bond for the whole “Shaken Martini” Disaster. He drank Vodka Martinis. What a dumbass!
I know. I know. Some of you are being all “But I love Vodka Martinis.”
GRE Flashback!
*Ahem* ‘Nuff said?
Step 5: Strain into chilled martini glass. Add a couple of olives (My current fave are the lemon/chili cured olives from the Whole Foods Olive Bar. Nom). Throw in some ice chips to help keep it cold if you want and, VOILA!
Drink and Enjoy!
*smooches*
For VUBOQ’s Definitive Guide to Gin: CLICK HERE
For The New York Times guide to good gins for martinis: CLICK HERE
August 4th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Oh em gee! I totally want to try it now.
Question: Is there any other purpose to Vermouth than to make Martinis?
August 4th, 2009 at 7:24 am
I hate to say this but I don’t heart the gin, and olives make me gack. Sigh. Sorry. Maybe with little onions I could handle it but I think that’s a whole nother ball of wax.
August 4th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Oh, how I wish this article could help me through the day. Pleasantly buzzed the work-day would be so much more pleasant. Cheers
August 4th, 2009 at 8:03 am
I was trying to think of an excuse to buy the fridgefreezer with the enormous freezer section that I really don’t need. Keeping martini glasses in there is totally it! Thanks VUBOQ!
August 4th, 2009 at 8:15 am
While I tend to, ashamedly, lean towards the fruity-tinis… I am a girl who long ago began a love affair with Bombay Sapphire. It was all gin and tonics for a while- with plenty of twisty lime.
Boone’s Farm- lawdy that takes me back!
August 4th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Hooray! We heart VUBOQ! We are, however, circumspect about teh gin and would really rather have an appletini or chocolatini when it comes right down to it.
August 4th, 2009 at 8:38 am
If I’m going to drink a martini, I want it to taste like candy or something. Chocolate martini, creamsicle martini, esspresso martini, coconut blueberry martini… the sort of martini you get at gay piano bars. I enjoy the taste of olives, but not as the dominant flavor in my path to getting wasted.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Great post!
I lovez the gin but not the vermouth, so I usually[*] just pour a dollop of vermouth into the glass, swirlz it around, and dumpz it in the sink. Oh, and instead of storing the glasses in the freezer, I would just store the gin in the freezer; that way it is ready for your second martian.
[*] Oh,. and by “usually”, I mean “back in the day before having kids ‘n’ such”.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:24 am
I’ve never had a martini *gasp*, and in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even tasted teh gin *double gasp*, but now that I have my own martini making instructions, I might just have to try it all!
HUGS…
August 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Okay, I’m going to join Liz, Mel and Jere in something that tastes like candy. I’m always up for that.
Is it bad to want one at 9:30 in the morning?
August 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Okay, so I’ve never had a martini ever, but VUBOQ’s post totally makes makes me want to pick up vermouth and giant olives on my way home tonight. Perhaps as a post writing reward?
Oh, and those fruity martinis are totally lame and HARDLY count as martinis. And this coming from someone who’s never had a real martini.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Oh and I used to drink gin in highschool. Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I don’t heart it anymore. It was probably cheap gin too, students don’t have much money.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Don’t be dissing the fruity martini Craig. Somehow I think you’d love them. Not that you’re fruity or anything. Umm. Well, you know. Actually, any drink that comes with a little paper umbrella works for me.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I feel like a philistine because I’ve never had a Martini before but my love of gin is well documented.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Tam: It’s like I told VUBOQ, gin and I had a thing for a while, but one day I woke up and it just wasn’t the same booze I’d fallen in love with. We’d grown apart and it was time to go our separate ways.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I LOVE me some martini, although I agree with TwoPi and I just rinse the glass with the vermouth, and I forgo the olives for a twist of lemon. Ahhh…
I can’t stand the fruity martini; way too sweet.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I want Jere to make any martinis I drink, but then I want VUBOQ to write about it so they sound even more interesting.
August 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
*ahem* Why aren’t people mentioning how CUTE my hair looks in that first picture? I mean, really. So. CUTE.
*smooches*
August 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
That is cute hair.
I am not gin lover, as I don’t like to drink Christmas trees. I used to have fruity martinis, but now I tend to just get vodka and cranbury. I do enjoy olives.
I enjoyed port a few months ago. It reminded me of the communion wine at my church.
August 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
oh, and thanks for letting me be a Guest Poster, Craig!
August 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I did not even see vuboq’s post before commenting on his hair. Realy.
August 4th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
VUBOQ: My pleasure! Come back anytime!
VUBOQ’s and Chris D’s comments about his hair were posted at the same exact minute. Good timing!
August 4th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Your martini sounds so sophisticated. Alas, I also like the fruity drinks. I had a dirty martini once – ugh. And I’m with Tam on the olives. Those Whole Foods crackers are the bomb.
Very cute hair – and cute smile, too.
August 4th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I dont like alcohol to taste like alcohol if it can be helped. When I do drink, which is not often, it needs to be a fruity girly drink or nothing. He did make it sound good though…. except for the olives. Someone put olives in chicken salad once and I got sick and I still blame the olives.
August 4th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
There’s nothing wrong with fruity, girly drinks, but don’t call them martinis. A martini must be made with gin. You drink a martini because you like gin. You drink vodka because it doesn’t have much flavor to compete with your other ingredients so you can get smashed on vodka crans without realizing that you’re drinking.
I don’t shake or stir my martinis. I keep my gin in the freezer. I take a bottle of olives, drain off the brine, and fill it with vermouth and strips of lemon zest, and I keep that in the refrigerator. When I want to make martinis, I put the glasses in the freezer. Then I spear three olives on a toothpick for each martini. I take the glasses and the gin out of the freezer, pour the gin carefully in the glass and place the olives in the gin. Then I sip it very, very slowly. The flavors develop as it goes from extremely cold to merely very cold.
August 4th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Wow. This was enlightening. Maybe I’ll come back to this post in like 10 years and try it out! Though I don’t like olives, so if martinis taste like olives, I’ll probably stick with the piña coladas and cosmos I’ll probably be drinking.
August 4th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Holy crap Enrico, we must be corrupting you.
My daughter drinks virgin piña coladas all the time in restaurants. You could start that way and work your way up to the real thing.
August 4th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Yeah, I like them fruitier drinks better as well. With a Pina Colada, Mai Tai or Cosmo, a big part of the drink is juice and not booze, so you can have more by getting wasted less. If I want a ‘manly’ drink I have a beer.
August 4th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
TED: Vermouth soaked olives are a great idea! I will have to try that out.
August 4th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Tam: starting with virgins and working your way up is salwaya the way to go!
HUGS…
August 4th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Polt: Sigh. *shakes head*
August 4th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Olives and martinis are sooooo good. I usually put a little more vermouth though….a 3:1 ratio is a little too much like straight up gin for me.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
A non-alcoholic martini?!? The mind boggles. That’s sort of like ordering a non-alcoholic scotch…. *eesh*
August 5th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Xi_Heather – the only way I know how to make martinis of any flavor is to pick them from a menu and give the bartender money. I stopped mixing drinks for myself or anyone else in college when… well, the terms of the settlement don’t allow me to discuss the particulars, but I believe the cow was eventually slaughtered.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:51 am
I hate olivez and I hate gin! ::vom central:: It does taste like pine treez, and since I hate nature, I want nuffin’ to do wit it. Give me rumz (feat. coke) and vodka (feat. anyting) any day o’ da week! Bien graciazzzz!
August 6th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
1. Martinis are good.
2. Fruitinis are good, too, but they’re totally different beasties.
3. Vermouth is gross. Which is why it should not be 20% of your martini.
4. I made VUBOQ’s gravatar icon! Just sayin’.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
This is a brilliant post. But then again any post promoting cocktails is a brilliant one. And for all you morning drinkers let’s not forget the drink of choice for Snoop Dog…Gin and Juice!