Today I’d like to welcome my wonderful and talented cousin Michelle who you’ve met before and is here today to talk about scary movies. Something I don’t talk about on here nearly enough because I’m a big old chicken.
Drag Me to Hell – The Wish it Were Funnier Award
After seeing the movie I re-read the reviews of Drag Me to Hell and I feel like I missed out on something. It’s about a young women who is cursed by a Gypsy because she turned down a loan that would have saved her home. The woman is then plagued by spirits trying to drag her to hell. Most of the critics loved it. I did enjoy it and thought that it had some really fun over the top moments. But I didn’t find it to be the awesome movie they had written about. They say “jump out of your seat scares” and I didn’t find it particularly scary, never mind jumping out of my seat. It was at it’s best when it was being over the top and funny, such as having a talking goat and a homicidal handkerchief. Both scenes were clever and original. I wish that they had more like this.
I suppose part of the problem is that I was expecting more – expecting a movie more like Evil Dead and Army of Darkness. I thought that they did a better job of keeping up the humor. Maybe I just missed Bruce Campbell! I never warmed up to Alison Lohmans’ character. I definitely wasn’t able to maintain any sympathy for her after the ‘here kitty’ scene. I did like Justin Long’s character though and loved the fact that he believed and supported her. I did like this movie but I would say it’s not as super-duper as the critics made it out to be.
Movie to be Avoided at All Costs – The Ruins
This is the shortest review I have ever written. I know a lot of people thought the book was very scary. Yes it really is about evil vines but that’s all I will say.
I don’t want to even describe what happens in the movie because it was so disgusting. It’s bad enough I have those horrible images in my mind. I don’t want it going through anyone else’s. It wasn’t scary at all. It was just plain gross.
Best Beginning – My Bloody Valentine in 3D
My Bloody Valentine was even scarier than I thought it would be! The action never let up. The thing that set this apart from other movies for me (besides the 3D) was the opening scene. The beginning was so intense, Craig and I both thought that the projectionist had accidentally put on the wrong reel! Not surprisingly the movie was VERY bloody but more importantly – VERY scary. I jumped several times. I’d seen Chicken Little and Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D before and neither worked very well and the effect faded after a while. I also felt cheated because the red/green glasses washed all the color out.
My Bloody Valentine on the other hand, kept the 3D til the very end. Color was not important because like most horror movies it was dark anyway. The creators did an excellent job of maintaining the depth in the screen and didn’t just rely on throwing things at the screen. It had a good sense of humor about itself too. There wasn’t much story but the whodunit aspect had me guessing until the end. And did I mention that it had Jensen Ackles in it? 
Battle of the Un’s – The Unborn and The Uninvited
He’s back! He’s creepy! He wants your body! Give it up for the sinister kid from the Holocaust The Unborn!
On the other side – She’s gorgeous! She’s frightening! She may want to kill you! Give it up for the is she or isn’t she evil stepmother, The Uninvited!
Okay, so neither movie is drop your popcorn scary. But there is a general eeriness to each. The Unborn is more of your traditional beautiful teenage girl being stalked by a disturbing kid. This time the kid turns out to be a victim of the Nazi’s experiments who was somehow possessed by a demon. After the kid dies (the nerve!), the demon has to find a newborn to be born into. Cue the hot teenage girl and demonboy has found his mommy. The movie also has an exorcism at the end, which is a nice contrast to comic one at the end of Drag Me to Hell.
However for me the winner of the Un’s would be The Uninvited. Yes it has a stepmother with possibly malicious intentions, which we’ve seen before (Hello Cinderella & Sleeping Beauty). The main characters are sisters and their relationship is integral and well done. There are other things about the movie, which did keep me guessing: Was it the evil stepmother? Or was it the too good to be true father? Or the lovesick delivery guy? Or one of the sisters? I figured out part but was also surprised by something else. I would recommend this one more as a mystery than a horror.
Prom Night – Worst Female Character
I knew Prom Night wasn’t going to be great but I didn’t expect it to be completely annoying. It began with the first scene when the main character, a sixteen year old blonde bimbo, hid under her bed while her stalker killed her mother, father and brother. Worse, she did nothing and watched as her mother was stabbed because she wouldn’t tell him where she (the bimbo) was hiding. If she had been locked in a closet and unable to do anything it would have been one thing but she was simply cowering under her bed.
I’m sorry but there is no way in hell that I would be able to do that. If it were my mother, I would transform into a Tasmanian Devil or Jack Bauer. Squash his eyes out with my thumbs? No problem. Tear his jugular out with my teeth? Let me at em. Sure I’d likely be killed before I can do enough, but that doesn’t matter. I find it completely unbelievable that any normal person would just stand by while someone they love is being murdered, especially a mother and daughter. Any possible empathy for the character went straight out the window. Then she spent the rest of the movie screaming and crying. I haven’t seen such a poorly written female character in a loooong time.
The Orphan – Worst Husband Award
The trailer for this looked truly wicked so I was a little disappointed because I wasn’t scared. Maybe it would be scary at home alone or with a different crowd. I saw it on a Monday afternoon with a strangely vocal audience. The more dirty deeds the little doll did, the more they laughed because they couldn’t believe she was doing the evil things she was doing. Even though they were enjoying it, it did kill the atmosphere. The movie still worked for me but more as a thriller than horror movie.
I was scared when I saw that the youngest girl had pet guinea pigs. They can kill any humans but a sweet little guinea pig? If they had touched a hair on their furry little heads I would have walked out. Not really, but it would be upsetting. Thankfully, the piggies were never shown again so they presumably (bar any deleted scene) remained unharmed.
I thought all the actors were good, even the kids playing the siblings. The girl playing the orphan was great because she was able to seem like a normal adorable child in the beginning before she became the evil spawn. The only problem I had was that the husband didn’t believe the mother for most of the movie. I love Peter Sarsgaard, he’s hot and he can play the nice guy (Year of the Dog, K-19) and makes a great villain (Flight Plan & Skeleton Key). In this, his acting is still terrific and he’s still hot but I got more mad at his character than the kid!
There was a twist at the end that may annoy some but I thought was fine. The last fight and final line of the movie was what made the movie.
The Haunting in Connecticut – Best Family and Most Touching
I saved the best for last: The Haunting in Connecticut was the exact opposite of Prom Night in that it relied on and created an extremely important mother-son relationship. Shockingly enough, it is about a family that moves into a haunted house or as the Reverend says at one point, a possessed house. I wasn’t sure that I would like the movie in the beginning because it starts off with the older son dying of a brain tumor, which is really heartbreaking to watch. He begins to see gross images and we’re not sure if he’s really seeing things or if they are supernatural manifestations. I’ll give it away now – it’s not all in his mind. I tell you that so you don’t have to go through the worrying of whether or not it was going to be a ‘cop out’ end. A little while in, other members start seeing things too so I was finally able to relax and go with the story.
Like Poltergeist, the best part of the movie is that you really come to like the family and root for them. The son is played by Kyle Gallner, who was in Veronica Mars and played The Flash on Smallville. He did a fantastic job creating an extremely vulnerable, sympathetic character. Virginia Madsen is also wonderful as the mother. Despite the fact that it’s PG-13, the movie is very scary and extremely creepy with very little blood. The ending surprised me and made me cry.
*There is a special unrated edition that turned black and white gore to red gore. I preferred the original. However there are many interesting featurettes and commentaries that are definitively worth it.
I agree with you completely on Drag Me to Hell. I was disappointed that it wasn’t more like Evil Dead 2, which I adore.
I didn’t care for The Ruins either. As a book (which the critics seemed to like) or as a movie. There were some changes from the book, but it didn’t improve the movie any.
The Unborn was not memorable. But I did like the Uninvited.
Haven’t seen the next three, but now I know which ones to put in my Netflix queue. The last horror movie I watched was Quarantine. I wouldn’t recommend it. But I hear the original (the spanish film REC) was much better.
Thanks for the reviews Michelle. I love a good (or bad) horror movie, so I would love to see more of these in the future. Since Craig’s such a weenie, and all.
Sorry, I don’t watch horror movies. Seeing people killed in the most horrific ways while blood splatters all over the camera lens does not appeal to me. Give me a good suspencful movie any day. Hitchcock was marvelous, and did quite a bit with just suggestion, not actually showing things on the screen.
Having said all that, if a Haunting in Connecticut has Kyle Gallner shirtless in it, as the picture seems to suggest, it might be worth seeing anyway.
Good reviews anyway, Michelle!
HUGS….
I’m afraid of scary movies. I’m a big chicken like Craig. CHICKENS UNITE!!!!
That said, my daughter saw The Uninvited. She didn’t think much of it and was disappointed that it was more of a mystery and horror as you said. I’m glad to hear the guniea pigs were okay. I’m like you, kill all the people you want, just don’t touch the animals. And Jensen Ackles was the ONLY reason I would see My Bloody Valentine, but I just watch him weekly on Supernatural and get my fix that way.
I just realized that Poltergeist was the first date I went on with my ex, on a Friday the 13th. HAHAHAHA Fate? Destiny? We were doomed from the start it seems.
Rec is probably the only horror movie aside from The Strangers (which don’t get me wrong was god awful, but had great moments) that as of late have been mildly frightening. Then again, I grew up with Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and a handful of other brilliant (for being a great film or being cheesy but still creepy) and nothing these days seems original enough or able to compare. Therefore, watching some of this stuff, I look for either any form of thrill (few deliver) or I start critiquing it for what it is, and that’s a whole other sort of jaded mess.
Put me down in the too-chicken-for-scary-movies camp, although I do love a good vampire flick (no, not Twilight, I said “good”). Actually, I rather enjoy a lot of monster movies, which I guess is really a separate genre, isn’t it?
Although I love horror movies, I very rarely get to watch them (the Mrs. falls into the too-chicken-for-scary-movies category) so I very much appreciate the advise on which movies to avoid! Oh, and My Bloody Valentine, you had me at “Jensen Ackles.”
Great post Michelle! Out of the ones on your list that I haven’t seen, I’d probably say I’m most interested in The Haunting in Connecticut and The Univited. You had previously told me such wonderful things about The Haunting in Connecticut, so I know it has to be good. And I was curious about The Uninvited since it has Elizabeth Banks, who I love, but have only really seen her in comedies (and a small role in Seabiscuit) so I’d be interested in watching her be evil!
The Infamous Dr. Para: I totally grew up on those movies too, I really loved the old Nightmare on Elm Street movies because of all the campy humor.
I don’t do too many scary movies. Living in Stephen King country is usually enough for me, particularly given how I devoured his novels in my younger days. Still, I might have to see Drag Me to Hell is Justin Long is in it. Cutey patootey!
Haunting in Connecticut is definitely my favorite. Kyle Gallner is a large part of the reason why. Speaking of Nightmare on Elm Street (which I also loved), he’s in the remake, which makes me want to see it more. And Jennifer’s Body too, which I may have waited til DVD otherwise.
I’m not sure which sister Elizabeth Banks played but they were both great. Not as great as Haunting (none of those are)but I had a fun creepy time.
Elizabeth Banks plays the stepmom. She’s been in a few comedies with Paul Rudd like Wet Hot American Summer and Role Models. But she was in Slither too.
I forgot about the Strangers. That’s probably not a good sign. I don’t like torture porn but am game for everything else. I like horror movies that don’t rely on spatter for the chills. Like The Exorcist, The Shining, Poltergeist, The Ring or The Mist. Or are humorous, like Evil Dead 2 or Nightmare on Elm Street. I hope Jennifer’s Body is entertaining. And I’ll probably Netflix the newest Final Destination. The first one was good, but now it’s just about killing people in unique ways.
I haven’t seen a single one of these, but I love it when you write your movie posts, Michelle, because you make the movies seem good, even if I’m a little scared to actually watch them (although I did just watch 1408 because I thought you recommended it.) (But I read the entire plot on Wikipedia first, so I’d know how it ended.)
I LOVED “Drag Me to Hell.” I thought it was pretty funnerz throughout…with the ending being the derriciously devilish and fattening icing on the cake. HAHAHAH! Pain that’s undeserved! YAY!
I haven’t seen any of these movies except for My Bloody Valentine (which I was dragged to… lol. Dragged….). The 3D was pretty cool though and I agree about the beginning.
I tend to avoid horror movies since they’re usually bad. I do love 28 Days Later though!