Aug
26
Today I welcome back the stalkerish amazing Polt of Polt’s Palace who is here to share some fantastic poetry with us:
To have such an adorkable Stalkee!
He’s great in every way
Happy, sweet, and yes gay.
He is quite tall and smiley,
Cute, funny and argyley.
I get to see his Viagra and vagina,
Which is, ya know, a little strange, kinda.
But it’s his quirkiness that attracts me,
His wit, his art, and his Evil Bunny.
He’s adorable in bunny ears, but
In a Canada t-shirt, he’s a wanton slut!
He’s neat and clean, never a fuss,
And oh yes, he writes Puntabulous!
He’s single, thus no marital strife,
Except there is Natalie Portman, His Wife.
He loves Battlestar G and their Cylons,
But I got no idea what’s going on.
He rarely uses the phone, you see,
but does when he’s “jus’ a bit TIP-sy”.
As his Stalker, I’d like more than just talk,
But if I tried, he might cut off my stalk.
Envy me for my Stalkee, madams and sirs,
Cause my Stalkee’s the best! He’s Craiggers!
THE END
August 26th, 2009 at 6:12 am
This poem is adorkable. Move over Yeats and Keats, Polt’s on the scene : ).
“Argyley” and Tip-sy – love it!
And I have no idea what’s going on with Battlestar G either.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:13 am
The rhyming of “argyley” and “smiley” is genius.
BSG is over
August 26th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Pure Shakesperean genius.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:34 am
I think Eminem ought to rap this.
Okay, either that or one of the Care Bears…
I laughed at the “jus’ a bit TIP-sy” having been the receiving end of it myself. lol
August 26th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Great job. On a friends site we posted one day only in haiku form. We should try something like that here. Amazingly it works although you get tired of counting syllables after awhile.
Polt can write a poem
For me, anytime he likes
I would be honoured
See? Easy.
No rhyming to deal with either.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Dave is not here now
Thus it is almost silent
He must be asleep
I have a deadline
That I can not meet unless
Others help me, argh!
Thus I stay on here
Writing poems in haiku
And annoying you
August 26th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Polt’s poem was good
A testament to his skill
if a bit creepy.
Great job Polt! Cute, funny, a little endearing and totally stalkerific.
August 26th, 2009 at 9:56 am
When we were in Asheville we found this little store with gifts and cards. I think it was called Comic, they had some funny shit. Anyway, we found this card and took a picture and I think it would be appropriate for Polt (although its a girl on the front).
Card Front
Card Inside
August 26th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Still waiting, my deadline is 3 min. away, I think we’re not going to make it. Grrr. So instead I’ll post another funny card.
Card Front
Card Inside
There was one for boys who date girls too.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Thanks for the comments, guys. I had a BLAST writing it up. It must have been fate, kismet, destiny, cause rhyming line just seemed to come to me one day while at work!
HUGS…
oh, and for Tam…
I can’t write haikus,
I prefer to stalk Craiggers.
He’s just so darn cute.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Haiku day? I’m in….
The verse is quite nice.
But I think you’ll hear the phrase,
Restraining Order.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You are all so smart
That writing in haiku style
Seems to be innate
My deadline is near
I wonder what the chance is
There will be no change
August 26th, 2009 at 11:51 am
I love the poem
But one detail was missing
My penis is huge
August 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am
There once was a Polt from a palace
whose stalking was not based in malice
but one bloggin’ guy
always made him sigh
as he dreamed of touching that phallus
August 26th, 2009 at 11:53 am
* Limericks, traditionally way more naughty than haiku.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Jere you are amazing.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Brilliant Jere. I suck at limericks, that whole rhyming thing kills me.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
There once was a blogger named Craiggers
Who was always followed by beggars
They dropped to their knees
Let out an “oh please!”
And that’s when he got them all preggers
August 26th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Good one Craig. A little fantastical unless we’re talking mpreg, but I don’t even want to go there.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
I derive great joy
from Puntabulous guest posts
Craigers, keep writing.
Jere, I *heart* limericks. I will be back with one later.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Jere that is AWESOME! It’s limerickly delicious! Craiggers limerick is clearly rooting in fantasy, unless after gay marriage become legal, we’ll somehow determine a way for men to have children. (and there ain’t NO way I’m trying to pass a baby! Nope, never!)
HUGS…
August 26th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Male pregnancy! UGH!
Like putting a camel through
well…a small peehole.
HUGS…
August 26th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Yea, what did happen at the end of BG (other than me sinking into a void)?
August 26th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
People: They didn’t find a place called Earth. But they found another place and called it Earth anyway.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Oh, and Starbuck was revealed to be Batman.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Love this, Poltie! I’m trying to decide in which way you meant Craig would “cut off your stalk”…restraining order-like or Bobbitt-like…
The pep squad is stomping in the stands in appreciation of all you haiku-ists and limericks-ists-s…
August 26th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
CRAIGGERS, you could have given us a Spoilters alert! Some of us were going to BSG through Netflix and watch the whole series! but sheesh, now that we know they don’t find earth, what’s the point?
Although seeing Starbuck become Batman would be pretty freaking cool in it’s own right.
HUGS…
August 26th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Oh Poltters, if only you watched the series like a good science fiction dork, you would know how misleading my statement was. I’m very sensitive to spoilers and would never give anything away. Except maybe the Starbuck being Batman thing. That’s totally true.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
There once was a groupie named polt
who sometimes did look like a dolt
but then he met craiggers
and choosers became beggers,
because he was hung like a colt
August 26th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I applaude everyone on their amazing gifts of poetic licence-tiousness!
August 26th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Great post, Polt. Nice rhyming.
Sadly, I have never received a tipsy phone call from Craig.
But I may have received some tipsy texts. 
August 26th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
This es so cute. Slightly terrifying. But cute.
Polt, you and E.Copterz and I should start a Puntabulous poetry slam! Who else lurvez dat idea?! [no one raises their hand]
August 27th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Jere & Craig: Your limericks are amazing. Good job. Those can be hard to right.
Here’s my haiku:
We totez deserve it
Enrico and Josh are fab
We will be famous