Nov
20
Thanks to Enrico, everyone seems to be talking about their previous jobs lately. I guess it’s time I put mine out there:
Paper Boy: All my siblings delivered the neighborhood papers. If you ask my brothers, they will say that they started at the age of two, and delivered all the papers in the tri-state area, but by the time it was passed to Amanda and me, it was only a few blocks. It was a fine after school job when you’re ten (could you believe they allowed us to deliver papers after school?) but the worst part was Fridays when you’d need to ask your costumers for money. It’s tough being a shy kid asking cheap assholes grownups for money. We eventually had to give up the paper route when we were told we’d need to deliver the papers before 5AM. Wasn’t gonna happen!
Karate Instructor: I started taking karate when I was in seventh grade. By the time I got to high school, I had advanced several belts and started helping out with the younger classes. One day me and my friends went to class and saw that our instructor had been replaced by someone new. They were okay, but not quite like our previous instructor, so people started helping with the other classes less and less, and outright quitting karate, until I was the only one left. Before my dedication could falter, I was offered pay to help out, and when I reached black belt I was given classes of 4-6 year olds on my own. There’s nothing quite like teaching little rugrats how to punch and kick.
Church Janitor: For a summer during high school, I cleaned our local church for an hour after school for some extra money. It was nice and quiet, except those times I’d have to vaccum. That was always super embarrassing because people would be there praying and I’d be all like VRRRRRRRR! all up in their faces. Oh well. I’m pretty sure I get a free pass into heaven for that stint. Or maybe not since I was paid? Damn, I should have volunteered.
Bus Boy: The summer before college, I got a job as a busboy at Ground Round where my sister Amanda was a waitress. I had to be a bus boy, since waiters needed to be 18 or over. At the time, I thought it was gross and was dying to be a waiter, but looking back, it was a pretty easy gig since you weren’t responsible for dealing with the costumers.
Waiter: But when I came back home for the first time during Christmas break, I was 18 and able to be trained as a waiter, so I waited tables in the winters and summers when I was off from school. I think this is the turning point in my life when I became a pessimist. People really are the scum of the universe and are super ridiculous when it comes to their food. By senior year, I pretty much turned into a asshole. A costumer insisted that her meal came with a salad when it did not. She said “Yes, the menu said that it comes with a salad.” “No it doesn’t,” I insisted right back. When I was done taking orders she asked me to leave a menu, and I knew it was so she could doublecheck about her salad. So I left the menu and walked way only to return a few minutes later and asked in the sweetest voice “Did you find what you were looking for?” She replied curtly “Yes.” and when I smiled and took the menu back and walked away I heard her mutter “Smartass.”
Chicken Wing Cook: I didn’t work freshmen year, but sophomore year I worked at the late night food court on campus. I was in charge of making chicken wings. That’s all I did for four hours every night. Chicken wings, chicken wings, chicken wings. You know how many college students just loooove chicken wings? Especially when they have a meal card paid for by mommy and daddy? A lot. Oh, and no one ever made me a nametag, so I was Chirag since it was the closest one I could find. We knew that it was probably pronounced “she-rahg” but I preferred to go by “chee-rag” since it sounded uglier.
Supermarket Checkout Guy: Then when I moved off campus I worked at the register of the local supermarket Price Chopper. There’s nothing more boring than standing on your feet for six hours, checking people out with only one 15 minute break. Awful. I was always the late night guy, usually with the only register open, working till 12 or 1. Some craaaazy people need to go grocery shopping late at night. I got in trouble one time for selling alcohol to a drunk person and was reprimanded but then told “I won’t send you home since this was your first offense.” I wish I had the balls to say “Um, no, you’re not sending me home because I’m the only register open and you don’t want to work it yourself.” But I didn’t.
Editorial Assistant Intern: By senior year of college, I developed a love of reading and writing. I wanted to go into publishing, but knew my geology degree wouldn’t look all that great on my resume, so I scored an internship at a local self-publisher. It was good, and the owner was ridiculously nice and would buy us pizza and snacks, but it was essentially an editing sweatshop since the authors were paying for their books to be published, we just had to do our best to make them readable.
Subsidiary Rights Assistant: I graduated college and went back to waiting tables for a month or so before I got a job at Penguin Publishing selling subsidiary rights. It was a great first full time job, and I made a load of good friends there. At the time I was going to grad school on weekends and my student loans were deferred, but when I graduated again, my students loans came rearing their ugly heads and I had to leave for a job that paid more.
Contracts Administrator: And this is where I am now. A contracts administrator for a large construction company working on the World Trade Center. Believe it or not, this was actually a pretty smooth transition from Penguin since both had to deal with contracting with other companies. It’s a tough job, but it’s allowed me to pay off a lot of of my student loans. Plus not too many people get to say they walked around the World Trade Center while it was under construction. And I look mighty fine in a hard hat.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I didn’t know you had a black belt in karate! Now I have to change my stalking methods to protect myself. You must have been a difficult partner to spar with because your reach is so long.
I waited tables, but only briefly and never had a huge problem. I love the “smartass” comment. Not like she wasn’t being a bitch.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Great post, Punt. My first job was as a “fryer” at A&W Root Beer making $1.40 an hour, so I understand about the chicken wings. They only had about 10 employees so didn’t have to pay minimum wage (this was 1976 or so and the min. was ~$3.65). Even at that wage, they’d schedule you like 3 hrs at a time!
November 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Didn’t mind waiting tables, for the most part. A couple times when I screwed up & really sincerely apologized, I got a huge tip. Maybe I shoulda been an actor, lol.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I may have to retire the Craiggers nickname in favor of Chirag. It’s just so much more cooler.
I know you DO look damn fine in a hardhat, I remember the photo you posted. Plus, hardhats and argyle go so well together!
HUGS…
November 20th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Well thank god my mom never put me thru any of that torture. I never had to work until I got my first job after college. I was always nice to the help though.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I was lucky and was able to get into telecom while I was in college. Before that I was the early morning (super early) traffic and weather guy for an AM radio station during high school.
Fun!
November 20th, 2009 at 11:09 am
john: I was thinking the same thing. Operation Monkey King is going back to the drawing board.
Any pictures of Craig the Builder?
November 20th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Suddenly the ninja fascination becomes clear.
Do you own steel toed boots? Now THOSE are hot. I sort of feel compelled to go out and get a part-time job as a server so I can relate to everyone who as been one as I never have. I feel like I’m missing some key part of the young adult experience.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wow, I didn’t realize that you not kick ass in an adorkable-bloggy sense, but also in a literal sense!
My work experience: Burger King drive thru cashier (high school), Dorm front desk staff and campus tech support (college), tech support for major power company (summers during college), Satellite data communications engineer (after college), Automated industrial controller software engineer (after that), Domestic Engineer (a.k.a. stay-at-home-dad), Tech support for local hospital (current). Whew…
November 20th, 2009 at 11:38 am
And I did mean “…you not *only* kick ass…” Damn, I really shouln’t have skipped coffee this morning.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Tam: I know the feeling your talking about, like you’re missing something. But when I compare my working at Dominos (which is only tangetally a food service job like waitering) to my current job…I’d much rather work with criminals than the hungry general public. So i don’t really miss waiting tables. And respect those that do. Unless the suck at their job.
HUGS…
November 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Gay superheros
November 20th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Cupcake: Perhaps we need to join forces?
Tam: You aren’t missing anything.
I was a paperboy, bus boy, waiter, and did retail. After college, I worked in mental health for 15 years; half doing direct care and half in HR. Now I do HR/Operations.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
M.Nico: Interesting idea….but how can the white muscle guy and the black muscle girls be twins? I mean I suppose it’s possible but…
Oh what the hell? It’s a comic strip about a gay superhero team! Why is it a problem to suspend my disbelief just a smidge further?
HUGS…
November 20th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
John: I Loved being HR Administrator!
“Why can’t I get benefits, I’ve been here 6 months?”
Yes but you haven’t averaged 35 hrs a week.
“That’s not my fault, I work when they tell me”
I understand that, but to qualify for benefits you have to be full time.
“I am full time, I work 5 days a week, don’t talk to me like I’m a Child!!!”
Ahh, Good Times.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
My plan now is to remain a full time student, working crappy side jobs, for the rest of my life. Can you defer 1 mil in student loans? I’m going to try.
Take that society!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
What’s that bank? Request a forbearance? “Forbear Dees Be-Atch!” I’m full time again!!! Bwa-Ha-Ha!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I’ll shut up now.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Mark: Oh yeah, I remember those days. I don’t touch benefits much anymore, but have employee relations. “What, I can’t use slurs in the workplace? Why not?”
November 20th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
john: Do people think that the 1st Amendment is in the company policy manual?
November 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Ahh yes, I love dealing with employees. My favorite: what do you mean I can’t send naked pictures of my girl friend to my friends using my company email?
November 20th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Exactly Cupcake. Read that last page where it says this manual does not constitute a contract of employment, and employment can be terminated by employee or employer at any time for any reason. In “Right to Work” States like VA, that means we can fire you if we don’t like the color of your shirt.
My two favorite arguments against termination:
But they call each other that!……Terminated!
It’s cool, I’m Black, I can say that!……Terminated!
Ooops, sorry! I promise I’ll shut up now!
November 20th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Those are the easy ones. Two of the worst things were a staff person in a sexual relationship with a client and when a colleague of mine walked in on two of his female coworkers engaged in a sex act behind a locked door.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Nico: “Prowler (absorbs the abilities of gay people)” So what, he dresses really well and is a kick-ass interior designer? How does this help fight crime? I don’t get it. But I liked the guy with the blue tail. Hmmm. That sounds kinky huh?
November 20th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
my friends paid me to shave all my body and pose for pictures that they promised to never share. the money was good. is that what you call a job?
I
November 20th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Yeahhhhh Ground Round! My parents used to take us there on penny-a-pound night because we were all so skinny. For four kids, it cost us like $2.50 to eat.
I’m sure you made great tips on those nights!
November 20th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Tam: Yeah, I didn’t understand Prowler’s power either. I was also a little surprised the orange guy wasn’t a Human Torch knock-off called Flamer
November 20th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
M. Nico: Flamer, HA! I think he can absorb the powers of any gay person, like his team mates and get super strength or teleportation?
November 20th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I really enjoy this kind of biographical post. I knew some of your work history, but now I have learned more.
I never did karate, but my friend did it for a few years. I loved having him show me his moves, because it was a way to be close to him. We had some good times. He was very handsome in his Gi, and even more-so out of it.
Perhaps the dispute over the salad was foreshadowing of your current position. The salad was not mentioned in the contract!
It is neat that you have had so many different work experiences. I have only ever had one serious grownup job (software development) for one company, and I have been doing that for many years.
I admire your drive. Coupled with your charisma I can see you going very far in whatever direction you aspire to.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I’ve never had a serious grown up job.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I’m drunk. I’m just gonna picture you in a hard hat.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Michelle M.: Why do you have to be drunk to picture Chirag in a hard hat? I do that nearly every day, drunk, sober, comatose, whatever.
HUGS…
November 21st, 2009 at 12:02 am
“And I look mighty fine in a hard hat.” — At lease you don’t look mighty hard in a fine hat.
Bossy, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Go back to your Friday night wine, dear.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:41 am
Michelle M.: I found your argument compelling, so I got myself a beer.
November 21st, 2009 at 3:13 pm
YO! Can you re-become a chix wing cook & send me free eatz?! I’m hungerz & am scurrred of spending dinero for sustenance.
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 am
Can you really count being a paperboy as a job when mom really delivered all of your papers? No wonder all our newspaper customers in the Tri-state Area abandoned you after John and I gave up the route.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Just now getting around to reading this post – I enjoyed it! I like learning the History O’ Chirag. And, yes, people are scum of the earth.