Monthly Archives: December 2009

2010 New Years Resolutions!

December 31, 2009

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Okay fine, I’ll make up some New Years Resolutions. We all know I’m never gonna stick with them anyway, so what’s the big deal? Oh right, I need a blog post. Fine. Here you go, but I may or may not put any effort into making these resolutions happen!

Work Out More. Well I was doing good with this one for a while this year. I got up to about day 20 of the EA Sports Active 30-Day challenge before I had to stop because the arches of my feet were becoming strained and it hurt when I walked throughout the day. Yeah, it’s my own fault for being stupid enough to do the damn program barefoot, but no one told me that was a stupid idea! Now I know. I’ll give the program another shot and hopefully get through the 30 days injury free. I liked the way I felt and looked even after my short stint, so I’d like to get back into the swing of things.

Write More. I did National Novel Writing Month back in August and I kicked its ass hardcore and got my 50,000 words done, but I still have a bit more to go in completing my novel. This year I want to finish it, edit it, and start giving it out as party favors so friends and relatives can be my editors.

Date More. LOL! I try dating. I seriously do. This year I even went on a record 8 dates with the same person! I know, crazy, right? But they weren’t ready for a relationship, blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s hard not getting discouraged, but I’ll continue to put myself out there.

Save More. In 2009 I put more focus on paying off student loans rather than saving. I had quite a hefty savings account, but my car and student loans were ridiculous. I shifted gears, emptied my savings and paid off my entire car loan and a large portion of my student loans. I still have a bit more to go on my student loans, but I can feel that this is the year they go away forever. Then I need to built up my savings again so I can finally buy my own home.

Well lookie here! My first three resolutions end with “More” so I guess I’m not doing too bad, huh? But I think that means I need to start thinking of some serious resolutions. But I can only think of one that I really need to work on (otherwise I am totally perfect in every other way):

Be Happier. I need to stop worrying about work when I’m no longer at work. I need to stop being cranky with the people that love me just because I had a rough day. I need to imagine a bit more. I need to have random dance parties. I need to stop wallowing in self-pity. I need to let go of things that are beyond my control. I need to draw more Super Viagra strips. I need to write what I want to write. I need to remind myself of the real reasons why I’m single. I need to go on strolls. I need to get a hobby that has less to do with sitting in front of the television and more to do with that archery set in the basement.

I think that’s what resolutions are all about, right? Happiness. Whether it’s losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising more, getting a new hobby, it’s all about making yourself a happier person. So don’t quantify your resolutions. Don’t set yourself up for failure. If you resolve to do things that make you happy, everything else should fall into place. Here’s wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year!

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Something, Something, Something, Dark Side – Review

December 30, 2009

By Craig

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So I picked up Something, Something, Something, Dark Side using one of the gift certificates I got for Christmas. Just like Blue Harvest spoofed the original Star Wars, this one was a retelling of The Empire Strikes Back. I absolutely loved Blue Harvest. I love the fact that they got the backing of Lucas himself and got all the rights to the original music and sound effects. It was a faithful adaptation, but one that was willing to scrutinize the logic and make fun of all at the same time. Before watching Something, Something, Something, Dark Side, I was worried that the success of Blue Harvest was gonna make them cocky and rush through the sequel and it wouldn’t turn out as good. But boy was I wrong! I think I even liked this one better than Blue Harvest! It was hysterical! From the opening “A long time ago…”, to Meg’s cameo, to Stewie’s “Wonder Woman!” outburst, I pretty much didn’t stop laughing the entire time. Plus the animation is just absolutely gorgeous. I love that you can tell how much time and energy went into making it. It was truly made by Star Wars for Star Wars fans. Like FUBU! Yeah, like Blue Harvest‘s pot jokes and dance number, a couple of the jokes fell flat (like Luke’s training sequence on Dagobah) but overall it was a riot and highly recommended!

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Christmas Wrap-Up

December 29, 2009

By Craig

So Christmas is officially over. Twas a good season of merriment and cheer. Mom made lots of her delicious homemade Bailey’s irish cream, which I like better than the real stuff. We went to my sister Amanda’s on Christmas Eve. She always puts out a nice spread of delicious finger foods and chocolate covered fruit for dessert. I got a snuggie from my cousins, which is one of those gifts you can’t buy yourself, but if someone gives it to you, you’re allowed to be unreasonably excited for it. (I may or may not have worn it the next day whilst opening presents.)

I managed to stay in my pajamas for the entirety of Christmas day. Getting dressed on Christmas is pretty much a failure at life and makes baby Jesus cry. I got loads of DVDs, including some seasons of Angel, Big Bang Theory, and the entire series of Ally McBeal, which was just as much a present for my Mom as it was for me. We started watching it the next day, and it is awesome. Mom only got into it the last two seasons when people said it sucked, but she still loved it. Anything in marathon viewing is better anyway, so I’m sure I’ll love the whole thing. Oh, and maybe I got an argyle sweater or two, or seven.

Mom also got me this awesome t-shirt. A few months ago we came across a t-shirt in Kohls that said “Adorkable” on it, with a stick figure that looked remarkably like me. But it was in the clearance rack and there was only one left and it was XXL (which I probably would have worn in high school, but not anymore). She hasn’t stopped looking for that shirt since, to no avail. So instead she went to a t-shirt shop and had this made for me. She gave the woman a description (it was the woman’s idea to add the computer) and I think it came out great. I love it!

Totally gonna submit this to Guys with iPhones
I also got the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii and have been playing it nonstop. It is just so great to play in the style of the classic Mario games. It really brings back a lot of memories. Water worlds are still the bane of my existence. Carrying Toad through an entire world on my head is also the most annoying thing on the face of the planet. I wish I could ignore his cries for help, but I just can’t, I’m compelled to help him. But I hate him. I’m always yelling at him if he falls off and starts running away. Ungrateful bastard. If you guys have been playing and know any secrets or any locked worlds I can get to, let me know!

I also got a bajillion dollars worth of Best Buy and Amazon gift certificates from my brothers and sister. They know me so well! But what is it with gift certificates that makes spending money so hard? I could go into Best Buy at any given time and spend $100 of my own hard earned cash. But give me a gift certificate and I wander around the store for days looking for the perfect purchase. It’s like I don’t want to waste my precious gift certificate on something silly, yet I would spend my own cash on it any other time. Doesn’t make sense. Any suggestions for what I should get?

That about sums it up. Oh don’t worry, like sex, Christmas is about giving as much as it is about receiving. I got my brothers Super Mario Bros. for Wii (I have a tendency to give gifts I’d also like to receive), Amanda car mats that say “What happens in Amanda’s Jeep stays in Amanda’s Jeep” which is way perverted for a Christmas gift if you think about it, along with a framed picture of her dog Ralphie made up to look like an old-fashioned school photo. We got my parents a new big screen TV for their bedroom, tickets to Wicked, a Kindle, a Keurig, and more. We’re such good kids!

Anyway, enough about me. How was your Christmas?

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Fate of the Jedi: Abyss – Review

December 24, 2009

By Craig

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So I finished Star Wars: Fate of the Jedi: Abyss the other day. While I enjoyed it, I have some majors issues about the current state of the Expanded Universe series of books. To me, the New Jedi Order series was tops. Nothing beats it. It was a fast moving series with an awesome set of villains and each book was filled to the brim with new characters and locations. In other words, it was a Star Wars book. If there was one problem with the series, it was that it ran for a few too many books, and it seemed like they almost lost hold of it. But it was still an amazing series and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

It seems like they learned their lesson though, and their new game plan is to limit series to nine books, rotating between three authors. The Legacy of the Force series did it, and now the Fate of the Jedi series is doing it. In theory this works great. It forces the writers to plan out their series from beginning to end, and proportion the amount of storytelling they get to do to end up where they need to go. Great. But the major problem with this is that their story cannot sustain nine books. With the Legacy of the Force series, they developed a great story that would make an excellent trilogy of movies, not nine books. The stories are getting too stretched out. I read Star Wars because I want a Star Wars movie in my head. I want a fun, planet hopping adventure with all the characters I know and love. But since they’ve already determined the full storyline and where they want to go, they have to limit themselves to what they do so they can last nine books. Each book has one set of characters going to one planet tops, and the other three quarters of characters haven’t left Coruscant in three books time. What’s up with that? Oh, and C3PO and R2D2 are hardly in them at all.

But what am I saying? If twenty books was too many for New Jedi Order, why is limiting it to nine a bad thing? You see, since they didn’t limit themselves to nine books, it was as if every time they wrote a book for New Jedi Order they were thinking “Okay, what can we do now?” “What is this book about?” Rather than “Okay, let me get to the next plot point.” So each book of the New Jedi Order series was it’s own movie that still pushed things along. These days it seems like they’re planning too much. Like they don’t want to get ahead of themselves. Meanwhile, pushing the story along, only serves to create more opportunities for storytelling. So I implore the writers of these books to open themselves up a bit more. Think of a storyline for your book that is fun and exciting, holds a self-contained plot, but still pushes the overall arc along.

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Babylon 5 – Season 3 – Review

December 23, 2009

By Craig

So I finished the third season of Babylon 5 over the weekend. Remind me never to take a year off between seasons of Babylon 5 ever again. This was back when I thought it would be a good idea to rotate television shows between seasons. Bad idea! Luckily that thought went out the window when I got hooked on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All throughout this season I had to keep the internet handy so I could pause the show and look up stuff I was supposed to remember from previous seasons. Don’t they know I have Drew Barrymore from 50 First Dates disease? I can’t remember shiz!

Anyway, what did I think of the season, you ask? Amazingness! The first season was a bit slow, then the second season got awesome about halfway through, and the third season continued on with the awesomeness and built upon it awesomely. (Can one build upon awesomeness awesomely? Do I sound like Michael Bay when I say awesome too much?) The characters are continuing to grow, the action and special effects are getting better, and payoffs are coming from storylines set up all the way back in season one.

It’s interesting when I watch Babylon 5. I often find myself cheering it on because it just has such an underdog feel to it. All the things I found myself not enjoying the first two seasons, I find endearing this time around as I get more wrapped up in the story. The mediocre special effects and action scenes that I once found irritating, I now find myself thinking “Wow, good for you Babylon 5!” when they try something that would possibly be considered bigger than what they can handle. You can tell that it’s made on a shoestring budget, and that it was probably on the brink on cancellation at times, so when they pull out something great, I get so happy for it.

There is no better example of the above than the episode Severed Dreams. It was just amazing what they pulled off, and it was just such an incredible episode. I compared this one to Exodus: Part 2 from Battlestar Galactica (which is one of my favorite episodes of television ever) thanks in part to a truly spectacular rescue. The other standout episodes this season were the two part episode War Without End. This is the best example of why I should never have waited so long in between seasons. This was a direct tie to an episode from the first season that would have made a lot more sense had I remembered all the details, but it didn’t prevent me from enjoying it immensely. And of course the season finale Z’Ha’Dum was fantastic and another example of how excited I get when they pull off great special effects.

So needless to say, I started up season four immediately. I’ll tell you all about it when I’m done.

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James Cameron’s Avatar – Review

December 22, 2009

By Craig

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I had the pleasure of seeing James Cameron’s Avatar over the weekend in IMAX 3D. I had all expectations to hate it. Who wants to see a movie about weird looking blue people created by computers? And I was annoyed that he took the name Avatar away from The Last Airbender movie. Plus, could any movie live up to the hype? Would it really be worth 15 years of waiting?

The answer is yes, and I should have known better than to doubt the director of the first two Terminator movies, Aliens, and yes, even Titanic. It was amazing. The visuals alone kept bringing a tear to my eye. Shut up. The world they created was just so amazing. And seeing it in IMAX 3D is a definite must. Don’t wait for the DVD because it’s not going to be nearly as good.

Yes, of course the story is Dances with Wolves in space, and some of the dialogue was predictable and cheestastic. But it’s still a thrilling spectacle with plenty of tricks up its sleeve. Plus all the actors were in top form and sold it to me without hesitation. Sigourney Weaver and Sam Worthington were particularly fantastic. Plus Zoe Saldana should get special honors because she doesn’t have the privilege of appearing on screen as a human, but still managed to be amazing.

Oh, and let’s not forget the action. It was all top notch. Every single one of the flying sequences were amazing. It’s not like after the first one, it was all ho hum after that. Everything stayed amazing throughout. And the final battle sequence was breathtaking.

One of the other things I really liked was that we got into the Na’vi world right from the get go. It wasn’t like Peter Jackson’s King Kong where the first hour of a three hour movie was spent on a boat getting there. Also, the movie seamlessly bounced back from the human and Na’vi worlds. Throughout the movie I kept forgetting that I was watching computer generated 12 foot tall blue people. I just felt like I was watching regular actors. I was only reminded of that fact when they would interact with actual humans and tower over them. “Ooooh, that’s right!”

So anyway, run, don’t walk, and go and see this movie immediately, preferably in IMAX 3D. Heck, I already want to see it again!

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The Adventures of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl! – A Christmas Miracle

December 21, 2009

By Craig

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Content Warnings: Proposed 3rd Option

December 18, 2009

By Craig

As I’m sure you know, some blogs come with a content warning. Well how many damn times do I need to answer that stupid question? So I propose adding this third option so everyone knows exactly where I stand on content warnings when I’m in the comfort of my own home. Click to Enlargify:

There we have it. Now my computer knows I have no scruples when it comes to how I spend my time on the internet and can stop wasting my time.

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New Clash of the Titans Trailer

December 18, 2009

By Craig

Here’s the second trailer to next year’s Clash of the Titans, which has more dialogue than the last one, and a lot more fancy special effects.

Love the shots of Pegasus. Frankly there aren’t enough flying horses in movies these days. Plus I could watch an entire two hours of Liam Neeson shouting “Release the Kraken!”

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Open Letter to Zach Galifianakis’s Beard

December 16, 2009

By Craig

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Dear Zach Galifianakis’s Beard,

I hate you. I loathe you with every fiber of my being. I despise you more than what is reasonable for a sane person to despise a semi-inanimate object attached to someone’s face. But let’s face it, you are ridiculous. Remember when Peter Griffin grew a beard on Family Guy? And everyone laughed because it was so ridiculous? And then three little birds hatched inside it, and there was that Boba Fett gag? Yeah, that was really funny. But mostly because beards of your size and nature are ridiculous. Like mullets and combovers, you are an unfortunate hairthing that is the butt of many jokes.

That was the stick. Now onto the carrot.

You may be thinking “Why is this crazy person writing to me and not to Zach Galifianakis himself? I’m just a beard, what can I do?” Well I’ll tell you why, Zach Galifianakis’s beard. Because obviously Zach Galifianakis doesn’t have the sense to get rid of you himself. I wish to appeal to your sense of decency, fair beard. I know you are large, and proud, and by all means, you have every right to be so. You are the Lou Ferrigno of beards! That is why you must let him go. No longer can you be tethered to a face of a mere mortal. No longer can you get food and drink spilled on you because I’m positive there is no way Zach Galifianakis is able to eat and drink without getting you dirty. You don’t deserve that! Pull yourself free from thine restraints and run free where you belong!

“But where will I go?” you may be asking yourself. That’s the beauty of it! It’s up to you! Perhaps community service? I’m sure there are loads of Amish who — like me — are unable to grow beards of their own. What shame they must feel! You could help them! Or perhaps just living the American dream is more your style? A decent living can surely be made as a brillo pad. And if you’re worried about being out on your own, fear not, I hear there is a nice Buffalo farm in South Dakota that would be happy to take you in.

After writing this letter, I must say, I don’t hate you. I admire you. Frankly, I am thankful to live in a world where beards like you are free to exist. But enough is enough. I can no longer accept that every single one of Zach Galifianakis’s roles requires him to have such a ridiculous beard.

You deserve better.

Sincerely,
Craig

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Monthly Archives: December 2009

2010 New Years Resolutions!

Something, Something, Something, Dark Side – Review

Christmas Wrap-Up

Fate of the Jedi: Abyss – Review

Babylon 5 – Season 3 – Review

James Cameron’s Avatar – Review

The Adventures of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl! – A Christmas Miracle

Content Warnings: Proposed 3rd Option

New Clash of the Titans Trailer

Open Letter to Zach Galifianakis’s Beard

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