I don’t know if you can tell from reading my blog, but I like watching television and movies. A lot. I know, shocking. Pick your chin up off the floor. But there are things that I see a lot of in my viewing experience that thoroughly bug the heck out of me.
1. When people dressed up as creatures wear gloves that make their fingers longer than they really are. They always make the fingers longer, but there’s no way to change the way in which they bend so the first two knuckles are the same, and then the tip is twice as long as it should be. The creatures will undoubtedly wriggle their fingers menacingly (as if wriggling fingers is all that menacing to begin with) and it just looks ridiculous because the knuckle length proportions are totally out of whack. And don’t even get me started if they need to grab or hold onto something. Just plain ridiculous.
2. Empty to-go coffee cups. You’re not fooling anyone! We can tell they’re empty! These people are practically juggling three cups without any threat of scalding and yet I can hardly hold onto one for longer than 10 seconds at a time.
3. Where have New Years Eve television episodes gone? And no, the lame three holidays in one episode of Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t count. Since TV execs feel the need to take a winter break and we no longer get very many new episodes of our favorite shows in December and January, the New Years Eve episode has gone extinct. The holiday used to lend itself to such interesting drama (resolutions! who to kiss!) but I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen one since Monica and Chandler had to figure out a way to kiss so no one would know they were dating. Could you even imagine the awesomeness of a Gossip Girl New Year’s Eve episode? I want New Years Eve episodes back!
4. When people get hung up on with their cell phones and there’s a dial tone. Cell phones don’t have dial tones jackass! And while we’re talking about cell phones, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a text message on a television show that has looked remotely close to text messages I’ve seen in real life.
5. Previews on my DVDs. I can understand previews on rentals, and maybe even the cheaper single disc editions of movies, but if I’m dropping money on the super duper two disc deluxe special edition or a season of television, there better not be a damn preview or even worse an anti-piracy advertisement on there! Hello! I bought the DVD! I’m not a pirate.
6. And this one comes courtesy of Mom. She says it drives her nuts when people on television and movies get parking spots right in front of the buildings they need to get into. I haven’t really noticed it before, but now I’m sure it’ll drive me crazy now.
What are some of your pet peeves in television and movies?
i hate when people make plans on the phone (like a date, for instance) but NEVER clarify when or where. as soon as they get a ‘yes’ from the person, they just hang up the phone as if they magically know the rest of the details.
i hate when you’re in the car wiff da characterz and you can clearly tell they are not driving. At least make it look believable! What makez it worse is when they have a green screen showing from outside the window some sort of video reel of moving highway. Fake City!
I also hate little children on tv shows. You can always tell that they were JUST directed what to say right befo the camera got switched on. Fuckin’ amateurs.
Lastly, i hate laugh trax. STOP TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD THINK IS FUNNERZ!!!
1. Think of them as being like hoochies with really long fingernails. You know the ones I’m talkin’ about. Of course, maybe then they should be wearing more bling and have bigger hair.
2. – 4. These are pretty much outside the realm of my experience. Apparently I only watch movies where characters spill the coffee and have plausible cell phone hang-ups.
5. David likes the previews, though we both find it annoying to be forced to watch them before we can get to the menu. And are you sure you’re not a pirate?
6. Friends of mine always called that Doris Day parking. Bitch could always find an open spot right in front of the building, even in downtown L.A.
#4 reminds me of Jay Brannan’s cover of Ani DiFranco’s Both Hands (having just listened to the original for the first time – the cover is unbelievably better). It took me a while to wonder how a cell phone could have a dial tone. Now that I learned that the song was written in 1992, I am even more confused.
Speaking of Gossip Girl, after watching this week’s episode, I couldn’t help but notice that both Dan and Nate are alone and heartbroken. They are now comforting each other in my mind.
Finally, to skip right to the middle school level we always seem to devolve to, do a lot of ones come courtesy of your mom?
Since I watch a lot of science channel stuff I hate when one of those shows does the science of a show or movie, like Star Wars, and they get the whole premise of the show wrong. Last night I was watching one and they kept using Stargate as an example of Parallel Universes………..WRONG!!!!!!!
I also never got the “fat guy with a lousy job and the hot wife” combo. The Honeymooners was 50 years ago! They should have stopped with The Flintstones. How about the “fat guy with tons of money and the hot wife” combo, seems more believable.
Since I watch a lot of science channel stuff I hate when one of those shows does the science of a show or movie, like Star Wars, and they get the whole premise of the show wrong. Last night I was watching one and they kept using Stargate as an example of Parallel Universes………..WRONG!!!!!!!
I also never got the “fat guy with a lousy job and the hot wife” combo. The Honeymooners was 50 years ago! They should have stopped with The Flintstones. How about the “fat guy with tons of money and the hot wife” combo, seems more believable.
I don’t mind previews as long as they are skippable. Since I don’t watch much live TV anymore, I usually miss most movie ad campaigns. I like being able to see what I might have missed.
I hate the piracy warnings because they aren’t skippable. I hate that DVD manufacturers caved in to whoever decided that unskippable was a feature.
josh: I hate children’s TV shows where the actors ham everything up. Laugh tracks are also annoying me lately. I had gotten to the point where I hadn’t noticed them anymore, but then a friend pointed them out, and they now stand out again.
When the characters repeatedly use one another’s first names while talking directly to one another. Who does that?! No one.
Over the weekend I watched a lot of Lifetime holiday movies as background noise to my studying. After the 4th “Christmas is magic” story, I got really annoyed at the number of high-powered New York business executives who schedule, no DEMAND, that huge projects or meetings or crucial client contacts take place on Christmas Eve/Christmas/Boxing Day. Is that even remotely realistic? “Hi, I’m Bob and I represent a multi-million dollar potential client and I want to ruin your holiday and mine by scheduling a pitch meeting for Christmas Day. But if you go home to your rustic hometown and invite me out there and melt my heart with family values, I might be persuaded anyway.”
I HATE it when there’s a countdown, a bomb going off, a rocket taking off, something like that. And they start with like 28 seconds. I start counting with them. Them two or three characters speak, with pauses inbetween. They switch back to the clock. I’m at like 6 seconds, but the clock is at like 21. Puh-LEASE! Why keep showing the damn thing if you’re not gonna allow it to countdown acurately???
And I’m with Sassy josh and Cupcake over the laugh track. If you’ve gotta add canned laughter to it, it probably isn’t funny in the first place.
HUGS…
I hate when a scene is supposed to take place in an East Coast location and it was obviously shot on th West Coast. Like beach scenes…How many beaches are there on the East Coast with cliffs and palm trees???
I don’t have much to add as I don’t watch that much tv, but I will say of course you aren’t a pirate. You’re a ninja.
john: Ninja Assassin…is that movie out yet? Fit shirtless Asian twinkies with hairthings…what more could I want in a film?
HUGS…
Mark: I get annoyed by how disproportionately many shows and movies happen in New York and Los Angeles.
Mark: They can be quite fun – like all those times Wonder Woman had to fight the bad guys in the mountainous scrub deserts of Maryland and Virginia.
I hate movies that think we’re so stupid they have to spell out how we’re supposed to feel at each moment.
I hate slow-motion characters moving towards you with an expanding fireball behind them (thank goodness that trope is not as common as it was)
I hate the trendy over-use of “first-person” shaky-queasy cam. Yes, we get it. You know how to forget everything you were ever taught about how to pan or zoom. We get that you think it’s cool and makes it look more “real” and “in your face”. Now stop making me throw up and use real camera work. It’s nice! Like scripts! And characters!
Those are so funny – especially the one about the fingers! So true!
I hate when people are driving on tv or in the movies and the driver keeps looking at the passenger while he/she is talking instead of keeping their eyes on the road. While some people really do drive that way, it still makes me crazy. Watch where you are going!
I also hate when you are trying to figure out who is playing a certain role and they squish the end credits of the show into a tiny box so you can’t read them.
Michelle — good one about the driving; I hate that too.
(I also hate when people order something at a restaurant/bar and leave without eating/drinking any of it.)
But as for squished credits, four letters for ya: I M D B.
Justin: But I like Cloverfield/Blair Witch/Paranormal Activity!!!
Bombarding Craig with positive thoughts. I hope he isn’t blinded by the rainbows.
Josh — I’m not saying you can NEVER use it. It can be very effective (even if some people literally can’t watch it due to motion sickness issues, for realz).
I’m just saying it’s getting ridiculously overused. BSG, Stargate Universe, everybody thinks they have to use it now and not only is it irritating cuz it’s a fad but it’s also Style over Substance a lot of the time.
Justin: Has SGU gotten better? I stopped watching after an episode of conflict between Earth and the spaceship over unclear substance and Senator’s daughter whining about her romantic life or something.
Ryan – lol it’s still slow-going I’m still giving it a chance though. The guy who plays the … sort of second-in-command young officer is awwwwwwfully cute. Hell, I’m so hard up even the guy who plays the dorky pudgy nerd is kind of cute
@Mel I call that Doris Day parking too!
Umm. All of the above. Josh’s point about the fake moving background in a car makes me nuts. Sooo not real.
With babies, really young ones you can see them looking off to the side where their parent/handler is trying to keep them from crying or doing something stupid. Just skip the kid. I did watch a Criminal Minds though when he went into a house with a screaming kid and haveing had one, that kid was freaked out and scared. It was totally real but I felt bad for the kid, forced to cry like that to add realism.
I also put two of those little coffee cup protector thingies on because it’s still too damn hot to hold with one.
The term “Doris Day Parking” is (as I am too old to say) “full of win”
Do we know when we will find out whether happy thoughts worked?
I wouldn’t hold my breath. It’s not like we ever get to hear how the decongestion went either …
I can honestly say I never noticed the issues of your peeves 1-4.
As regards #5 I assume you are joking about the piracy warning. Of course you are the target of the message. Who else are they going to ask not to copy the DVD 15 times and give it to their friends?
6. Yeah, your mom is right on the money.
What Polt said at 11:55.
Also, I hate knowing that a show is only going to deal with one issue, and knowing how long the episode is. So for example on House, you’ve got a patient, they have an illness, and the team comes up with a diagnosis and treatment. But NO WAY will it work, ’cause we’re only 12 minutes into our hour of teevee. If I was that bad a doctor (to need 7 guesses to get it right, every friggin’ week), I’d turn in my license.
David: I think the piracy warning is an archaic remnant of the days of VCR. All you need to copy a cassette is two player/recorders. Copying a DVD takes a little more effort. I suspect the vast majority of DVD copyright infringement has an expert doing the initial copying.
TwoPi: I hate that two. One thing I like about HBO/Showtime shows is that they are longer that network shows. They disrupt my ability to judge how much of the show is left, making things less predictable.
David & Ryan — the piracy commercials usually look like they’re aimed at people who are DOWNLOADING movies. I have literally never seen a commercial that says “don’t make a copy of this DVD”. Plus, the law is still very vague as to whether there even EXISTS a fair use right or back up right anymore (both of which were mandated by congress at one point) since the DMCA was passed, and has not been litigated to any conclusion as of yet, so we don’t know whether the DMCA effectively “repealed” those earlier rights.
I don’t agree that the warnings are a remnant of the days of the VCR: *precisely* the opposite. In the days of the VCR, copies were very very poor, and the industry wasn’t that worried about them. In the days of digital media, copies are perfect and bit-torrent and other sharing mechanisms drive the instrustry mad. I do agree, however, that the target audience isn’t really the person owning a retail DVD: most movies get uploaded and shared LONG before the DVD even hits the shelves.
The warnings feel like a waiter giving a lecture about not dine-and-dashing after you have finished paying.
When a character is talking to another on the phone, and the call is abruptly ended, leaving one of the characters with a dial tone. Then, the character goes, “Hello?! HELLO?!” to a dial tone.
Just who in the hell do they think is hearing that?
One last thing about anti-piracy warnings. They should, of course, all be replaced by this spoof ad from The IT Crowd:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkObnAlG124
(without the laugh-track, tho)
When beautiful actors and actresses play “ugly” and/or “unpopular” characters. That’s just crazymaking.
How about balding men playing a teenager, maybe I should have tried out for Glee!!!!!
Will: I’m not sure if this fits into that definition, but I liked when Kristen Bell played Sarah Marshall. She is attractive, but the character wasn’t at all. I thought that was a good choice for her.
I always find it a little jarring that characters talking on the phone never seem to say goodbye, they just hang up. I understand that it saves time and doesn’t interrupt the narrative, but it’s so unrealistic the way they just immediately hang up after hearing what they need to.
Also, just once on tv I’d like to see a Christmas present wrapped the way people actually do (imperfect corners, visible tape, cheap-ass drugstore bow) and opened by tearing through the paper, not by lifting the separately wrapped lid off of the box.
Mel – Doris Day parking! Now in my vocabulary.
josh – I liked those movies, too. But shaky cam makes me queasy. It was way too shaky in Paranormal Activity. Unless Micah had palsy it was overdone.
I hate all the “adorable” tripping/clumsiness in Romantic Comedies. Ugh.
Forget shaky-cam. What about gratuitous and pointless use of Matrix-like slo-mo? It’s crazy-making!
I forgot about one of my biggest pet peeves: Gratuitous romantic interests.
I agree Ryan. Sometimes a story is great without a love story subcontext. Just let the man blow up the damn building and shoot some baddies without having to rescue some TSTL chick in a ripped dress.
I’m with Matt on the present thing too. NO one wraps the box lid separately, ever.
We are rapidly approaching a recapitulation of the content of http://tvtropes.org
Justin: I was just there after googling the lyrics to The Doom Song.
It’s a good place to be
I can spend all day there (I first found it by googling “explosive decompression”) 
All men use decongestant aids.
Cheap jump scares in horror movies.