On my previous post about Pop Culture Pet Peeves, I totally forgot about one of my biggest ones. It’s when pizza is already pre-sliced more than any other pizza has been pre-sliced ever in the history of pizza. Someone comes home and is all “I got pizza!” and everyone grabs a slice willy nilly with no regard to cutting it. Yes, I know it saves time for storytelling, but pizza doesn’t work that way! Besides, pizza that comes apart like that without needing to be cut isn’t worth eating anyway! Extra hate points if the pizza is proclaimed to be New York style. I’m looking at you Iron Man!
Fake Television Pizza
Filed under Peeves
Just to be clear, your objection is that TV pizza cheese does not recombnie after slicing?
I’ve never noticed this.
If you put it that way. Yes. I want my pizza cheese to be mutant cheese with a mind of its own.
And look at you being all linky!
Justin wanted a link.
A while back, I considered creating a blog to teach Polt how to cook, but I never got around to it.
Cupcake: Polt knows how to cook…just not in the kitchen.
*ZING*
Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiters.
HUGS…
“I want my pizza cheese to be mutant cheese with a mind of its own.” Isn’t there a movie like that already? “Godzilla and the Meglashark vs. the Mutant Pizza Cheese” If not, there oughtta be.
HUGS…
Or maybe Mutant Pizza Cheese will be the big bad guy in the next Wolverine movie? Couldn’t make the movie any worse than the first one was.
HUGS…
Craig, you must just get your pizza from sloppy artisans. I have experienced properly sliced pizza. In fact one of my real world peeves is poorly sliced pizza where the cheese rips off the slice as you are pulling it out of the box. A good pizza parlor will send you a pie where you only need one deft hand to remove your slice.
One caveat. I usually only eat plain cheese pizza, so how toppings (pepperoni, sausage, et al) affect slice removal efficacy is another matter entirely, to which I have no experience upon which to draw.
David: Knowing you, you probably get your pizza at someplace called Healthy Fuji Kingdom Gourmet Bojangles or something of the sort. And your cheese isn’t the wonderfully awesome greasy goodness of normal cheese which has a mind of its own and reseals itself after being cut.
The pizzas at Healthy Fuji Kingdom Gourmet Bojangles really aren’t that good. The sushi gumbo there, however, rocks!
HUGS…
The best part of getting a pizza is watching the poor sap chosen to cut it burn the shit outta his life when the slicer gets all covered in burning inferno hell cheese. It’s like “Drag Me to Hell” only even more derrrrriciouz.
Maybe this is a Canadian thing, but our delivery pizza comes pre-sliced and ready to eat. I never have to get the slicer out. Soooo… I guess our pizza is not worth eating?
All this talk of pizza makes me want to go to Applebee’s and have their Veggie Patch Pizza. As Josh would say, “derrrriciouz!” Also, I have never in my life paid attention to the cheese regooification factor of television pizza. Does this make me a less-than-worthwhile human being?
One hardly knows where to begin.
First off, to Ryan, I am stunned into genuinely heartwarmed silence that I’ve rated (a) being referenced — by name — as if I were somebody who didn’t gate-crash this party awfully recently; and (b) having my wishes honored so quickly. I actually do have quite a few other things I could wish for too — I’m wondering if I would get them if I just clapped my hands and made my request
Secondly, also to Ryan. Thank you for following me on twitter. Now (claps hands) unconfuse me if you wouldn’t mind and let me see your protected tweets.
Thirdly. To Craig. I’m with David on this. The pizza I get (and it is neither Healthy nor made with, say, tofu or twigs or macroneurotic ingredients of any kind) does come apart quite easily. Yes sometimes the cheese and other ingredients don’t quite make it. But it strikes me that if the cheese on your pizzas is coagulating back into solidity IT’S BECAUSE THE DELIVERY GUY TOOK TOO LONG AND IT’S GOTTEN BLOODY COLD! Pizza’s supposed to be *HOT*.
(As for my taste in Pizza, I go for New Haven style first, then the next best thing here in Boston which is first off, Za (in Arlington), and failing that, Bertucci’s. Actually neither deliver. So my pizza stays hot on its way from the kitchen to the table.)
Lastly, to Josh. It’s all about hand-burning with you, isn’t it? First the capuccino, now the cheese. What particularly delicate hands you must have, my dear.
All I can say is — I hope you never get sent to the 12th circle of hell which is that chain of torture parlors for waiters known as The Melting Pot. I dont know what war crimes these people committed in a previous life to deserve a job like this, but believe me, the scaldings their hands must receive on a daily basis are the least of their problems. 
Actually, I really *do* hope you never get sent there. 
Justin: I got an email about your request, but when I clicked the link to see the page where I could approve it, there was nothing. Now, when I click the link, I get a message that they are fixing something, so maybe I will be able to approve you soon.
Justin: When push comez to shove [read as: burnerz], you’d be surprised what the callouses on mah fingertips can handle. They better be able to stand the heat, considering that mah honeymoon is gonna consist of being dragged to hell! Yay!
Time to go home. I’m not looking forward to walking home through this wind. At least the rain has stopped.
Aww Josh it really is distressing to know that when you’re not getting caught in the crossfire between the bloods and the crips or being sent pornographic stick figures by Mountain State creeps, you’re either having your callouses singed OR you’re being dragged to hell whether it be by cats (and I quote “I would be soooooo exciterbiked if mah three catzzz would drag mah cholo bunz to hell!”) or on your honeymoon.
I just hope hell isn’t a Melting Pot restaurant
We do like for the cheese to string and almost bring it’s neighbor slices’ toppings along with it. I was craving pizza recently but I wasn’t craving heartburn, so I decided to just go and get some cheese slices. It wasn’t the same.
Extra hate points because they didn’t have sharp cheddar, only medium.
About the twitpic: And it’s a choking hazard…
I don’t like pizza.
It bugs me that no one locks their doors in movies or television. Or when someone on the lam needs a change of clothes and whatever clothing they steal off an unconscious person or clothesline fits perfectly. Or when Megan Fox’s white pants in Tranformers 2 never got dirty. Because up until that point everything in the movie was highly believable.
Just for the record: My local pizza of choice reseals itself after the pizza chef cuts it. I always have to re-cut the pizza with a pizza cutter before I serve it. However, I have never noticed the absence of this ritual in mass media.
Perhaps it is just Jewish pizza that doesn’t need re-cutting.
Late to the party, but that must be a Toronto thing Scottie. We just ordered pizza at work and were trying to cut the damn cheese with a plastic knife because no one thought to bring a pizza cutter. Maybe that happens if they cut it too soon out of the oven. Maybe you need to let the cheese “set” first? Anyway, it was delicious and since my boss paid, extra delicious, but it was a bit of a mess to try and get your fair share of cheese and ensure that no one else dragged more than their share leaving your piece naked.
Medium cheddar Ray? Ugh. Only thing worse is mild.