Puntabulous

The Adventures of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl! – A Christmas Miracle

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HOLIDAYS, SUPER VIAGRA! | Craig | December 21, 2009 8:45 am

45 Comments

By jere, December 21, 2009 @ 8:56 am

The little Christmas Shoe douche will go on to become one of the foremost designers of women’s shoes. Celebrities will wear his designs on runways and Vogue will feature his latest creations regularly. He will still be annoying as fuck.
By Sven, December 21, 2009 @ 9:00 am

If I cant wear red shoes in heaven, I’m not coming in. That’s all I have to say about that.
By TwoPi, December 21, 2009 @ 9:02 am

I hate that song. Even more than the 1930′s era version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”, sung in a pitch that only dogs can hear.

A few years ago I saw the “Christmas Shoes” book, all 144 pages of it, in the mall. For a fleeting moment it gave me pause, but then a check of the back cover confirmed: “Based on the hit song”.

How do you turn a 2:45 glurgy song lyric into 144 pages of prose?

A quick glance on Amazon reveals that the book (based on the song) is also available as an audiobook. The mind reels.
By JT, December 21, 2009 @ 9:08 am

As an NPR-ophile, I’ve never actually heard this song, though I’ve read about how awful it is. Love your take on it!
By Enrico, December 21, 2009 @ 9:13 am

I love that everyone in the world hates this song like I do! Good job!
I dig Mom laying on that stone tablet thing. Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet!
By Tam, December 21, 2009 @ 9:13 am

I’m with Sven, I guess we’ll be in hell in our red shoes.

You are so funny. I still think Jere posted the best pic of Christmas shoes, the ones with Rudolf noses.
By chamblee54, December 21, 2009 @ 9:18 am

Bah Humbug.
By TwoPi, December 21, 2009 @ 9:24 am

Craig: A recommendation for your netflix queue!

http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=7267276
By The Infamous Dr. Para, December 21, 2009 @ 10:20 am

Wow, you could have wrapped this up and shipped it off as a gift, fucking hilarious.
By Justin, December 21, 2009 @ 11:09 am

First and foremost:

***YAY*** A NEW SUPER VIAGRA AND VAGINA GIRL EPISODE!!!! ****

So! Very! Happy!

Next.

This … was a *SONG*? It’s bad enough. Really and truly BAD enough. That I wasted two hours of my life last year — that I can never get back — in a moment of holiday sappiness, on that horrible, horrible, unbearably bad Rob Lowe movie that TwoPi references.

I had *NO* idea that it was a song. Let alone a book (or an audio book). Before it became a gouge-one’s-own-eyes-out horrible, *awful*, maudlin, manipulative, shallow, appalling movie that even Patty Duke or Jill Eikenberry or Mimi Rogers would be ashamed to appear in, even in their most sappy Fa-la-la-la-Lifetime moments.

And Craig, by the way, that is exactly the sentiment the movie made me feel at the time: his mom is dying and what the fuck is the kid doing instead of spending time with his mother!? *UGH*

Sven & Jere: I just have one word for you both. *ROFLCOPTER.*

Oh, Enrico. Did you have mention Shakespeare in the same breath as this … drecky goo? I feel like Romeo & Juliet now need to be hosed off… I’m crying now.
By M. Nicodemus, December 21, 2009 @ 11:45 am

Oh, OK. Sorry, I have never heard the song, nor seen the movie about said Christmas Shoes; for a second there I was wondering what had sent Craiggers off the ragged edge. Now I have to find this song so I can understand what this is all about…
By M. Nicodemus, December 21, 2009 @ 12:36 pm

Hey, if someone can make a 144 page book out of that crappy song (I found a video on youtube) then Craiggers should have no problem getting his book published. Oh, and BTW, the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award for 2010 is accepting submissions from Jan 25 to Feb 7. How is the re-write of your NaNoWriMo novel coming?
By The Infamous Dr. Para, December 21, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

M. Nicodemus: You know, I wanted to submit my novel to that but the cut off is 150,000 words and mine went over by about 40,000 … made me damn sad.
By Mark, December 21, 2009 @ 1:19 pm

Shoes mean Everything in Heaven! Why else would the Pope wear Prada?
By Mark, December 21, 2009 @ 1:22 pm

Especially when there are starving rednecks in Arkansas.
By M. Nicodemus, December 21, 2009 @ 1:33 pm

The Infamous Dr. Para: That is a bummer; I didn’t realize the word count had a cut off, but it does make sense to avoid overwhelming the judges. What is the premise of your novel?
By john, December 21, 2009 @ 1:44 pm

OMFG! It is wrong how much I laughed at this comic! You hit the nail squarely on the head with this one. The only think I hate more than this song are the people who talk about how sad and touching it is, they make me want to vomit and hurt them.
By Polt, December 21, 2009 @ 1:50 pm

Despite listening almost exclusively to Christmas music in the month of December, I’ve yet to hear this song. When it starts, I hurriedly turn the station or turn the radio off. Although if the song when like this episode, I’d listen to it every freakin’ time!

HUGS…
By Dave S., December 21, 2009 @ 2:16 pm

Complete ROFL. I hate hate hate this song!!! And I despise, with the passion of a thousand pubescent boys, anyone who even hints that they like it!

On the other hand, I love love love your take on it! Hilarious, as usual!!

I may have to link it from my blog…
By Justin, December 21, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

John, may I recommend you take care of both of your desires at the same time. Simply aim carefully when you vomit.

Can somebody apprise me of the nature of Craig’s “NaNoWriMo novel”? I have so much catching up to do on the puntabugangular corpus. I only *just* learned about SV/VG thanks to Chris D.
By Mel, December 21, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

JT: Lucky you. Being surrounded by country* music fans at work, I’ve been subjected to it. It’s about as fun as being poked in the eye with a shit-covered stick.

* We have differing ideas about what real country music is. They never seem to like my more traditional preferences with regard to the genre.
By Tam, December 21, 2009 @ 4:01 pm

Justin: It’s about an elf and his animal friends and their adventures. I forget the details. I think this is the START
By john, December 21, 2009 @ 4:05 pm

Dave S.: Wait, you have a blog?

Justin: That might work, but I’m not sure my vomit has that kind of power to hurt them as much as I would like.
By Nicole, December 21, 2009 @ 5:16 pm

I hate this song too, but this completely cracked me up!
By Dave S., December 21, 2009 @ 6:17 pm

john: Yeah. It’s called “Fun With Grindr.” http://funwithgrindr.blogspot.com Grindr is an gay-finding iPhone app.
By Kári Emil, December 21, 2009 @ 6:22 pm

Wait, what song is this? Youtube link?
By TwoPi, December 21, 2009 @ 6:34 pm

Kári:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a_Y1wAJ2MU

According to Wikipedia (so you know it’s true), the song was based on a viral marketing email that made its way around the internet.

So yes, we have: Internet glurge -> cheezy C-rock song -> mass market book -> made for tv movie.

Clearly Craig’s version is the class of the lot. By a mile.
By 44/7, December 21, 2009 @ 6:50 pm

Was this the Christmas pageant on the Enterprise? ’cause I’d swear some of those folk in line look to be in uniform.
By 44/7, December 21, 2009 @ 7:04 pm

And for those who can’t get enough parodies of “The Christmas Shoes” song, there’s this post by ?-Heather about some astonishing mathematical shoes.

http://threesixty360.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/an-ode-to-andreia-chaves/
By Chris D., December 21, 2009 @ 7:48 pm

When I started reading this comic strip I got worried because I HATE that song! But, then I remembered that Craig (and everyone else, it seems), hates that song just as much as me. I like that it hit upon my biggest issues with the song. I love the last frame. Such a creative twist!

Justin: Glad I could further your Puntabulous education.
By josh, December 21, 2009 @ 7:51 pm

I’m glad that little kid’s life got ruined. LOSER! What a dumbo!

But those shoez ARE pretty sweet [aka red].
By Craig, December 21, 2009 @ 8:06 pm

Yay! Glad everyone liked the post! Sorry Super Viagra and Vagina Girl aren’t featured more, but figured that was half the fun of the post.

And glad I’m intuitive enough to figure out what 44/7 is
By Craig, December 21, 2009 @ 8:06 pm

Oh and having a calculator handy helps.
By Brian, December 21, 2009 @ 8:06 pm

HA! Brilliant!
By Michelle M., December 21, 2009 @ 8:30 pm

Ha ha ha! This is hilarious! I love how SV and VG keep it real and tell it like it is.

Justin – or Melissa Gilbert, Valerie Bertinelli or Tori Spelling.

I’m waiting for Christmas Shoes – the musical!
By Justin, December 21, 2009 @ 9:38 pm

Actually, Michele, both of our Lifetime Princess lists are getting out of date. The new reigning Queen of that genre may be Kristin Chenoweth. I’ve already managed to see two goofy embarrassingly lowbrow Christmas movies with her in them this season alone: The 12 Men of Christmas (about a beefcake calendar — and it won’t surprise any of you that when I found out about that movie, and to my horror my TiVo didn’t have guide info far enough in the future to record it, I set a calendar reminder to remind me to TiVo it once I knew it would have made it onto the guide info) and Deck the Halls.

Dave S: “gay-finding”? Heh. I *love* that description! “I’m not feeling gay enough today. Where can I find me some gay?” *chuckle*

I have a straight friend who is perplexed that it’s called “Grindr” instead of, say, “Gaydar”. I thought that was cute of him. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that given its predominant use, its name is probably all too appropriate.
By The Infamous Dr. Para, December 21, 2009 @ 9:54 pm

M. Nicodemus: Sorry, was running around all day. The premise is after surviving a suicide attempt, a twenty something gay writer uproots from his brutal home life in the middle of nowhere to the big city to write for a magazine. Tortured and haunted, he’s running from a relationship that wasn’t his to have, a father who is suffering from early onset Alzheimers and other “personal” demons. However, just because he left doesn’t mean that things are settled, especially when a peculiar ghost begins to haunt him.
By The Infamous Dr. Para, December 21, 2009 @ 9:56 pm

Justin: I love Kristin Chenoweth, just as much as any gay man should, and let me tell you, watching the 12 Men of Christmas movie made my stomach all sorts of queasy. The only thing worth watching on Lifetime is Project Runway and it’s going to stay that way for me.
By Justin, December 21, 2009 @ 10:31 pm

Dr. P. First off, that’s a book I would like to read. I’m a big fan of ghost stories. Well. certain KINDS of ghost stories. Good ones are very few and far between. Roald Dahl pulled together a great collection once.

As for feeling queasy from the appalling badness of a Lifetime movie, I don’t claim to be proud of having a bit of a soft spot for such things, but those who watch “Reality” TV are hardly in a position to cast aspersions

& Craig — I’m glad you have the 44/7 thing figured out. I can’t tell if it’s the same PERSON as TwoPi and, even if so, whether they suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder

& Chris: please feel free to keep the Puntabular Education coming! I feel like I have to cram for an exam. I’m probably going to have one of those dreams soon. Where I’m naked and … no, not one of THOSE dreams. Sheesh!
By john, December 21, 2009 @ 11:19 pm

Dave S: I was being a bit cheeky because, whatever happened to Spike 300?
By David, December 22, 2009 @ 12:19 am

I haven’t actually ever heard this song, but I hate it anyway because I read the lyrics when someone posted them, and almost threw up in my mouth.

I especially like Vagina Girl’s special moment with the boy.
By The Ryan With the Cupcake, December 22, 2009 @ 4:58 pm

I still haven’t heard this song, but today I listened to a comedian reading the lyrics and mocking them, so I can understand why everyone hates it so much.

Asserting that God gave a mother cancer in order to make your Christmas a little more pleasant is an epic fail to end epic fails.
By Rick, December 22, 2009 @ 6:42 pm

You are my hero, Craig. This is GENIUS!!!!!!!!

Brilliant. Seriously. Brilliant.
By dcm, December 27, 2009 @ 12:49 am

I don’t know why I’m just now reading this post, but it is a tragedy that its awesomeness has been absent from my life up until this point. Every year I make it a point to publicly vomit the first time I hear this song, and it’s good to see that so many people share my intense hatred.
By maryc, January 1, 2010 @ 9:03 pm

Hate the song. Loved the comic. Here’s Patton Oswalt’s take on the worst xmas song EVER:
http://tinyurl.com/yczvny6