I’ve done a post about this before, but there’s always room for growth right? Well my parents are going away this weekend leaving poor little old me home alone. What shall I do with the house to myself, you ask? Here’s my to-do list:
Strip Mario Kart: I suck at poker. Whenever I play a card game of any kind, a black cloud hangs above me to ensure that I am never dealt a decent hand ever. But I want to see you naked and I only have a limited amount of time before the parental units return home. Solution? Strip Mario Kart! I am awesome at Mario Kart so me and Yoshi will ensure that you are trying to hide your wiimote behind your wiimote in no time! Plus it helps that I’m consistently in an undershirt, buttondown, and sweater, so the chances of you seeing me naked are almost nil. Ready, Set, Go!
Proper Pizza Storage: It’s pretty much inevitable that I will order a pizza tonight so I have something to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all weekend. Me cook? Please. But what’s up with moms and their wacky pizza storage containers? I don’t know about your mom, but my Mom has these triangular tupperware containers specifically for pizza. But really, do I want to dirty another thing that I’m just gonna have to clean up before they get home? No. So that’s why I’ll just sliiiiiide the entire pizza box directly into the refrigerator. No mess, no fuss, no way Mom would tolerate that if she were home.
Watch Bad Movies: Let’s just say that when I convinced my parents to watch Catwoman because it was so bad, it’s good, they didn’t really understand the concept of good bad movies and still haven’t forgiven me. I’m pretty sure the same thing would be said for Barb Wire, which I’ve been dying to watch again (I bought it on DVD after loving it on Netflix, shut up) but haven’t since the amount of boobage within the first 5 minutes prevents me from watching it with parents around.
Reenact Glee: Granted Mom and Dad love the series just as much as I do (Dad watched the entire Road to Sectionals DVDs in a single day!) I think it’s time I broke out the oversized hairbrush and had a bit more of an interactive experience while watching the DVDs. I just gotta remember to clean the lip prints off the television screen before they get home.
Switch Gins: Well isn’t it just awesome that everyone loves gin and tonics these days. Seriously, everyone in my family has totally been copying off of me lately! And they’re using my Tanqueray! This will not be tolerated. Time to break out the funnels and switch the Tanqueray with the cheap shit we keep on hand for the Tom Collins drinks we enjoy in the summertime. It’ll be like a science experiment, only without the science.
What do you think? Anything I should add to the list?
I thought the Puntabuschlong wasn’t a wee mote.
Do you think the family might clue in when they see you making a G&T using the cheap stuff?
Have a fun weekend! *smooches*
Strip Mario Kart! Play Wii, see weewee.
When I have the house to myself, I indulge in really bad movies on Logo. Of course, I say that as if there are any other kind of movie on Logo…
And I have a tendency to rearrange furniture.
And not shower.
And crank Kid Rock to 11.
You MUSSSSSSSSSSST try Hendrick’s gin (had with a slice of cucumber rather than lemon). It’s distilled in Scotland and tastes *amazing*, said by someone who has been drinking far too much gin for too long. Please try it if you can get hold of it. It’s £££ but worth it. http://www.hendricksgin.com/
Ryan: Of course it’s not a wiimote! I’ll be fully clothed the whole time since I’m awesome at Mario Kart. It’ll be everyone else who will be hiding their wiimotes behind wiimotes.
VUBOQ: No, I’m gonna switch the bottles and put the cheap shit in the tanqueray bottle! They’ll be totally fooled! (Until they read this post)
Thanks for the tip Milo! I’ll be sure to try it.
Sounds like lots of fun, except for the Strip Wii games. If I learned anything from my trip to Utah it’s that I have no idea how to use that wiimote, so if I were playing, the game would be really boring with me nekkid and everyone else fully dressed. No one wants that.
UM…Toad & I would give you run for your n00die Mario Kart $$$. Remember, I had no friendz growing up, so Nintendo was the only thing I had solace in.
I think you should invite us all over so we can rudely watch “Megz Shark vs. Giant Octopus” which I just so happen to have gotten on Netflix two days ago…
Jere: Don’t be silly, fool!
Josh: Sorry to break it to you, but you would be toast! I’m pretty amazing. The D-Rex would surely be stomping down my street in no time. And I’ve been dying to watch Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus!
Craig: You might want to challenge josh to strip KenKen, just to be safe.
Oh, do a review of that movie Josh.
I just eat breakfast foods for dinner and surf the net when I’m alone. Not saying what for, nope, uh uh, not me.
Have a “fun” weekend.
For some reason, whenever I think about being home alone, I think about being naked. I really don’t know why, but whenever my parents left the house to me, I would lounge around naked or in my briefs for as long as I could. I don’t know why, it was like some kind of freedom I got haha.
But this Strip Mario Kart sounds oddly exciting.
Is it just me or does the concept of getting somebody nekkid without also getting yourself nekkid seem wrong? I suppose I could see the fun of Strip Mario Kart if it were a prelude to something else, but if it just ends with one nekkid person putting their clothes back on, well….
I totally wanna play Strip Mario Kart now.
The only additional thing I can think of is a camera on a tripod to capture the wacky hijinks of the 1st and 4th options. And Mel, presumably this game WOULD lead to something else….or it would if I was playing, whether I won OR lost!
HUGS…
Craiggerz: If it was Mario Kart Wii…MAYBE! But if we busted out Mario Kart 64…watch your effing grundle, sir. No one beats me @ MK64…EVER.
I had to laugh about getting you naked. Too funny. But then I’m a master at that. Sweater and button down only requires unbuttoning two buttons and then it just slips right off.
Oh yeah, regarding the pizza container, how does your Mom know how big the slices will be? Everytime I order they are different sized slices. At our house the box slides in the fridge until it’s less than half-full then it get piled on a plate with some plastic wrap. Fewer dishes to wash (dishwasher or not) the happier I am. Now I want pizza. Thank god it’s nearly lunch time. Cafeteria here I come.
Oz: Don’t you live on Long Island? We could make it happen!
Josh: Okay, so I’ve never played the N64 Mario Kart. Maybe we’d go back and forth between the two to make it fair? Or we could just go with Ryan’s KenKen idea!
Tam: It’s pretty one size fits all. We’ve never had any trouble fitting it in. (That’s what she said.)
Craiggerz: Sure…we can play Ken Ken. But ONLY if we take strip breaks to play face-2-face Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s Double Trouble. No one in the world is better @ that game than I am. I am 100% sure of that.
When I’m alone at my parents house, I go through their things and start to chuck them out.
I mean, who needs all that leopard-print polyester in their wardrobe??
#3 all the way! I watch all the movies that the Mrs. can’t stand and cook food extra spicy with double onions and peppers. I am also in the “no clothes unless absolutely necessary” category, I would strip as soon as I got home if I could, but the Mrs. doesn’t approve.
Have fun with the video game extravaganza! I would get my ass kicked at Mario Kart, or any other racing game for that matter, but if you decide to play a FPS on Xbox Live check to see if MNicodemus is online
Craig: I think you need a stripper pole to enhance the multitude of strip games you now have on your schedule. It also will allow you to do stripaerobics at home.
With every recent post my respect for your Dad goes through the roof. Awesome Dad = Just ask Craig!
I’ve never played Mario Kart, so the hammer of the gods would be swinging freely if I was at your house.
I also suggest that you hook your computer up to the big screen so you can decongest to an image larger than a 15″ laptop.
When I am home alone, the tv stays off and the music goes on and loudly.
Cupcake: He TOTALLY needs a stripper pole!
john: “the hammer of the gods would be swinging freely if I was at your house” OhmiGOD…I chocked on the water I was drinking as I read this!
HUGS…
Hammer of the Gods? Someone’s a little confident in themselves, huh?
By Grabthar’s hammer, you shall be avenged!
Craig: Brooklyn actually, but close enough. But if you get to wear all those layers, you have to use the stupid Wii Wheel thing. It’s only fair.
I live alone…why don’t I have strip-video-game parties all the time? My life is boring. My cat is the only one who’s seen me naked in the last 2 years lol.
I use the wheel anyway! The wheel is a must when playing at my house. I always lose against people who refuse to use the wheel. But it’s more fun that way!
“Hammer of the Gods? Someone’s a little confident in themselves, huh?”
Says the owner of the Puntabuschlong? Really?
HUGS….
Yeah, but I don’t brag myself, I just let my readers do it for me.
Well if you use the wheel and I get to use the Wiimote/Nunchuk, you’ll be wishing you wore 8 pairs of socks.
Polt: Glad to oblige!
Craig: I never referred to the size of said hammer, I just mentioned its name. Keep in mind there is a significant difference between sledge and tack hammer.
If I was at your house, I’m not sure about Grabathar, but you might want to grab some thigh…
For the record, I was drinking Tanqueray and tonic back when you were still playing w/ your Power Rangers…. Oh wait I guess that was not that long ago…okay let’s try this… I was drinking Tanqueray and tonic back when you still thought girls were icky… oh wait… Let’s just say have have been drinking Tanqueray and tonic for a long time and I am not just copying you.
Have a fun and safe weekend. Next time your parents go away you should have a Puntabuparty at your place. I’m sure we would all have a fun time.
Adam: LOL!!!
And I thought I was the only person who stored pizza that way!
It’s a shame your parents don’t understand the “so bad it’s good” concept. Shame it’s out of print but maybe you should get them a copy of Bad Movies We Love. And that book only lists a tiny subset of the genre.
I’m with Milo on the Hendrick’s, or, failing that, Genever. Both far superior to Tanqueray. Personally I have never been a fan of the G&T however. It’s not the G I have problems with. It’s the T. I just can’t stand the taste of tonic water. Must be the quinine. There are an awful lot of other things one can do with Gin, though
.
Since Adam is providing no link, I can’t stalk him to find out whether he was drinking his G&Ts before me or vice versa. Either way it was defz before Craig even learned that girls were icky.
I won’t bother making any Puntabuschlong/Wiimote/Hammer-of-the-Gods jokes — I think those topics have been adequately covered. Or uncovered. As the case may be.
Jere — what makes you think that nobody would want a game where you’re nekkid and everybody else is fully clothed?!?
I’m also confused, Craig, why you find it hard to watch a movie with your parents that has too many boobies?? I can undrestand why you wouldn’t want to watch a movie with boobies at *ALL* — hell, I’m still getting over all the highly inappropriate number of lady-bits that were in The Wicker Man which I saw this last Hallowe’en. That and the bad dancing. And the bad hair. And the bad acting. And the bad soundtrack. But mostly it was the boobies. And Britt Eckland’s gyrating butt.
But why do the parents factor into the equation?
“It’ll be like a science experiment, only without the science.”
I’ve been pondering this comment, and am still a bit perplexed. Because it IS a science experiment, darnit. Then I realized that you probably weren’t recording data and analyzing it.
So it sounds to me like you need to write up a grant proposal to cover travel costs and raw materials, and then you can get a whole host of puntabu-volunteers to gather data, do data entry work, and assist with statistical modeling and interpretation. And THEN it will be science.
If we drink enough gin, we could give “double blind” a whole new meaning!
Spiny Shell…GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ah now that’s a good monday morning brain-asplode-ifying Josh comment