As some of you may be aware, my parents went away for the weekend. People wondered if I’d throw a wild party, or play a rousing game of Strip Mario Kart. The answer is no. My weekend was much more wholesome than that. And to prove it to you, I documented it with photos. Enjoy!
“By Mom and Dad! I’ll miss you!”
“Fshew.”
“Party in the U.S.A.!”
“I hopped off the plane at ISP, with a dream and my wooden spoon.”
“Welcome to the land of fame, excess, am I gonna fit in? Jumped in a cab, here I am for the first time.”
“Look to my right left and I see the Puntabulous sign.”
“Come on out guys! They’re gone!”
“Fuck yeah!”
“This is all so crazy! Everybody seems so famous!”
“My tummy’s turning and I’m feelin’ kinda homesick!”
“Too much pressure and I’m nervous!”
“That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio!”
“And the Glee soundtrack was on! And the Glee soundtrack was on! And the Glee soundtrack was on! Yeah!”
“So what did you guys think?”
“Um…”
“Well fuck y’all! Imma be famous! What do you know about talent?!”
::eerie silence::
::2001: A Space Odyssey music::
Craig. Must. Die.
“He leaves me out in the garage to rot, while he’s in there singing Miley Cyrus music?! I don’t think so!”
What do they know?!
I hate them!
Mmm, good ice cream.
But I’m so sad! Could my day get any worse?!
Never ask questions like that, because the answer will always be…
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh god! Yes!”
Ho hum…
“OH MY GOD!!! AAACCCKKK!”
Nom nom nom nom…
“Get away from her, you bitch!”
“RARRRR!”
“Fuck you, lady!”
“Oh my goodness! Look at them go! What a fight scene! It’s amazing what can be done with rigid cardboard and a stuffed animal, and yet, I don’t even have the technical know-how to airbrush the pimple off my chin.”
::CRUNCH::
“Oh Craig, my darling husband! Are you okay? Please wake up! I forgive you for leaving me out in the garage all those years!”
::cough cough:: “Natalie Portman…my wife…I see you.”
“Have you put on weight?”
“Aaaaand I’m going back out to the garage.” THE END.
Wow. I mean… WOW. And yet, hilarious.
You almost made me laugh out loud, which would be great if I wasn’t at work… in a library.
The next time you ask why I want to make you my love slave, I’ll direct you to this post.
Haha! Full of teh LOLz. I LUVZ it. I wish my weekends at home were as chock full of fun and excitement.
… The return of Natalie Portman, your wife, totally just made my day. I legitimately shrieked in excitement when I saw her feet poking out from under the garage door.
Ska-weeeee!
Oh my gosh, the orgy, the alien tongue, Natalie Portman, your wife – it just kept getting better.
If this is the kind of post we get, then your parents should go away more often.
That was better than Avatar!
Too funny. It almost makes having to work on a beautiful spring day bearable. Almost.
Totally full of teh awesome! However, if I were Natalie Portman, your wife, I would have shot you in the face for using that “I see you” line.
Who knew Optimus was such a huge bottom? Go figure.
First, is that natural light? Craig, what did I tell you about curtains (although I guess posting pictures to a site known to your parents defeats their purpose anyway)?
Second, thanks for making it so that Natalie Portman will not toss herself onto your grave.
Third, now I want ice cream.
YAY! Everyone is back! Best entry ever.
At least someone is getting some sex this weekend. Great job. Enjoy your last night of unfettered freedom before the parental units return.
Very cute post. I really enjoy these photo stories, and hope you will do more. I love the way that shirt fits you, and I like that your tee shirt matches your eyes. I just think Super Viagra should have joined in all the fun.
SUCH a dork, I LOVE IT! I love that everyone is back, but I’m with Mary, I nearly shrieked (in a totally masculine way) at the return of Natalie Portman, your wife.
By the way, I thought that ice cream was cookie dough.
That was amazingly hilarious/awesome Craig. Best Post of all time. It had everything: miley cyrus, ice cream, star wars, and my favorite: toy orgies. I literally rofled- thanks for the great laughs.
Hilarious!
EPIC!!!
Love it! Great job!
john: I thought it was cookie dough, too.
My weekend is currently involving a 5K starting outside my apartment with an announcer on a loudspeaker and music blaring before 7AM.
gods damn frakking cylon hell that was funny. Well done.
It’s coffee ice cream actually. Glad you guys enjoyed the post!
AW! This entry is epic! PS, when are we planning Puntabulous summa get together??!
AW! This entry is epic! PS, when are we planning Puntabulous summa get together??!
How about the weekend around July 31/Aug 1 so Michelle M, Nathan and I can come?
Oh. My. GOD! This is AWESOME!!! I’m with Mary and john in that I totally schrieked (in a completely NON-masculine, 14 year old girl at a Justin Barbeir kinda way) when I saw Natalie Portman, Your Wife’s feet first appear!
And it IS wrong that she’s been left to rot, but hey, cuddling with a cardboard cutout or a sexy orgy with toys….well, that’s a no brainer, eh?
And ‘nom, nom, nom, nom’ completely cracked me up. Still chuckling over that one.
Welcome back, Craiggers’ photo story posts! You have been missed!
HUGS….
Tam: That’s a good time! Who is gonna plan it?!
This was awesome. Totally made my night. And BTW, you’re adorable.
What
an
awesome
post.
Although — I must say — though I’m highly thrilled that Craig went ahead with the singing-into-a-spoon idea, I am a tad bit disappointed with the lack of a scarf and the absence of any youtube videos.
Nonetheless, the toy orgy (which I didn’t notice going on in the background until after I saw the “my ass hurts” sign and went back) and the appearance of Craig’s wife more than made up for it.
Along with John and Ryan, I thought the ice cream was cookie dough.
Along with Chris, I noticed how well Craig fills out that shirt. Woof! I kiiiiinda suspect the sideways positioning was to show Craig’s pecs to their fullest advantage. And there are few things I like better than a man with his sleeves rolled up. That’s a very … *ahem* … hot look.
I *was* going to suggest the weekend of June 27, the same weekend as Pride (which I have never done in NYC and am thinking of coming down for this year) for the Puntabulous pool party at Craig’s parents’ house get-together, but I’m totally up for the end of July / beginning of August for the total taking-over-Craig’s-parents’-house get-together if it means Tam, Michelle M and Nathan can come!!!
Who *IS* going to plan it? And what are we going to do with Craig’s parents while we take over their house?
Then we can have a *real* Party in the U.S.A. Mwahahhahaha!
no good?
I should be asleep…..
….nodding my head, like, yeah…..
After re-watching Archer, the wooden spoon has taken on a whole new meaning.
Cupcake: LOL!! I love that show!
Well done Craiger, good to see your wife Natalie Portman! Oh, and nice haircut!
Ryan you’re going to have to make that little bit of puntabuperversity more explicit I’m afraid. The wiki article on Archer — intriguing by the way — sadly appears to have a major lacuna on the wooden spoon topic.
That really made me laugh, especially the signs the toys held up. Made me go back and look at earlier pics to realize what a bottom Optimum Prime is.
Justin: When someone mentions that Archer’s mother spanked him with a wooden spoon when he was growing up, his ex-girlfriend says, “That explains the ping-pong paddle.”
haha. I cant believe you violated my secret santa gift like that. If I knew you were gonna use it to show such sexual acts, I would have rigged it so that it went to a home where they would hang it in a tree like a normal bird house.
I agree with a few of the others: your photo stories are the best and I thought it was cookie dough also. I’m glad to learn it was coffee ice cream because that is way better than cookie dough. I think I hear my Heavenly Hash calling me from the freezer now.
That was awesome! Although I have to say that the tree trunk friend scares me.
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