Frank-n-Blog – Entry #2
Good news! Me and my friend Jamie are friends again. I’m actually writing this from the attic of his house as a matter of fact, which is our usual hangout. And the fact that I referred to him as “my friend Jamie” even before telling you that we were friends again was a pretty good indication that we would be friends again. But I’m not gonna lie, it was looking pretty grim there for while. The last time we hung out was the first monday (fuck you spellcheck, capitalizing days of the week doesn’t make any sense) of summer vacation for the first of many video game marathons, which has kinda been our thing since we became best friends in the third grade. And for those of you counting at home, we just finished tenth, so we’ve been best friends for over seven years.
So yeah, me and him not talking. Here’s why: on that monday Jamie came out to me as gay. Although, what else would he be coming out as? Black? Have I mentioned how white he is? Anyway, he didn’t really tell me, so much as plant a big wet one on me right after I kicked his ass for the million and a halfth time at Mario Kart. He’s reading this over my shoulder and says I’m exaggerating, but that’s totally not the case. OW. He just hit me. Aren’t gays supposed to hit like girls? FUCK MAN! He did it again. This is abuse. I’m calling whatever organization protects straight people from discrimination. Oh yeah, I’m straight in case all of this self-reflection and the fact that I write a blog was making you think otherwise. I mean, haven’t you ever seen Doogie Hoswer? He was totally writing an early version of a blog. And yeah whatever, bad example now, but you get the idea. “Boobs man, gotta love em.” That’s what Jamie just said and even though him saying he likes boobs makes him sound even gayer, I have to agree with him, they are kinda awesome.
Alright, to make a long story short, I freaked out when he kissed me and I may or may not have pushed him off me a little too hard. He’s saying I ran from the room screaming like a little girl, but that’s just not how I remember it. So yeah, we didn’t talk for the entire summer, making it the worst summer in the history of all summers. Even worse than the summer Jurassic Park 3 came out. But then when school started up again and I saw him around it was hard to trick myself into thinking I didn’t miss hanging out with him. Plus being in school again reminded me o
GHOMNO EXOPLOSDION!!!11!!
Yeah, okay, so that wasn’t me. That was Jamie’s older brother Jason (a senior who is annoyingly popular and likable to anyone who isn’t his little brother or little brother’s best friend) who pushed me out of the chair in order to write that oh so amazing opus to intelligence. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to say HOMO EXPLOSION, which is what he calls us (and what he was yelling in a voice that was half George of the Jungle, half Jabber Jaw, when I was pushed out of the chair) but as you can see, the thought synapses just weren’t quite firing the way they should. He doesn’t even know Jamie is gay (only me and you, faithful reader, know that) he’s just been calling us that since homosapien was a vocabulary word in his biology class two years ago. I thought about deleting his brilliant contribution to this already brilliant post but I figured it should stay here as a testament to Jason’s ineptitude. Millions of years from now when space aliens come to the ruins of Earth on an archaeological mission, one of them will find this blog entry and simply nod knowingly as to why their mission is archaeological in nature and not diplomatic.
Anyway, now that I have thoroughly dispatched with Jason (read as: Jamie told him Mom and his Mom kicked him out while I was cowering under the desk unplugging the monitor so Jason couldn’t read what I’m writing) as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, being in school and seeing Jamie reminded me of that time I got detention for kissing my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Sperin and Jamie pulled the fire alarm to get me out of it. There are two valuable lessons to be learned from this: 1) As boys, we generally want to kiss anything that moves, so Jamie kissing me isn’t really that big of a deal, and 2) Jamie would do anything for me, and the one time he needed me to be a good friend I let him down. I won’t let that happen again. Plus he handled the whole built in the basement by my Dad thing (I told him way back in the third grade because little kids really aren’t all that good at keeping secrets, especially when those secrets include cool looking scars) a hell of a lot better than I handled the whole gay thing. He only hid in the closet for about an hour until I promised not to eat his brains, which doesn’t even make any sense because Frankenstein’s monster didn’t eat brains, but whatever. It got him out of the closet. Oh shit, that’s totally ironic and stuff.
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May 4, 2010 7:05 am 12 Comments
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By TwoPi, May 4, 2010 @ 7:36 am
Well played: the distinction between archeological visit and diplomatic mission.
Frank really expects civilization to last millions of years, not a millenium, or a few decades? Who would expect a hand-made teen to be such an optimist?
By Tam, May 4, 2010 @ 8:48 am
Super job. Loved “Although, what else would he be coming out as? Black?” Too funny.
As TwoPi noted, the line about the distinction between archeological visit and diplomatic mission was also genius. This is really fun. Looking forward to more stories about the guys.
By Polt, May 4, 2010 @ 9:35 am
Those space aliens wouldn’t be our Culcari Overlords, would they?
Very interesting Craiggers. I’m anxiously awaiting the next installment!
HUGS…
By The Ryan with the Cupcake, May 4, 2010 @ 11:04 am
I love the stream of consciousness style.
I also think citing Doogie Howser as proof that blogging isn’t gay is humorous.
By Mark, May 4, 2010 @ 12:10 pm
I Love this! I don’t know where it came from inside of you, but keep it coming. I got kissed by surprise when I was 13, but we acted like it was a joke and nothing ever happened. Not until 10 years later. It took us that long to get over being scurred.
By The Ryan with the Cupcake, May 4, 2010 @ 12:29 pm
I can help but be reminded of a similar incident between Emmerdale’s Adam and Aaron.
By Craig, May 4, 2010 @ 12:39 pm
I’m glad you guys like it. This one was a bit harder to write since I’m basically just trying to get you to know everyone, but I still wanted to keep it fun and interesting. Plus I tried to keep the gay stuff from being preachy. I think I did okay in that regard.
By M. Nicodemus, May 4, 2010 @ 1:43 pm
You are doing a great job of keeping it fun while touching on some rather heavy topics. I have read waaay too many coming out stories that would have turned that one summer of tension between Frank and Jamie into 200+ pages of angst. Blagh! I think you are managing to keep the characters realistic yet fun.
I totally loved the older brother part, my brother would have done the exact same thing. Older brothers can be douche bags at that age, except for me; I was a way awesome older brother
By M. Nicodemus, May 4, 2010 @ 1:58 pm
Mark: Don’t we all have those stories to tell? There is one guy that I messed around with in middle school who to this day has to act butch and prove his heterosexualness (totally a word) every time we meet. Another guy I made moves on in high school freaked out, but eventually we were able to hang out as long as I never mentioned the g-word, EVER. ::sigh:: straight boys are so weird.
By Tam, May 4, 2010 @ 4:39 pm
Oh Nico, ask your wife and daughter, they’ll confirm this, BOYS are weird.
Straight, gay, bi … but we love y’all anyway.
By john, May 4, 2010 @ 5:27 pm
Tam: Agreed, best line of the post!
Craig: I didn’t think it was preachy at all. I also like that it is he best friend who came out and not the main character. I’m clad that Frank is coming out of the lab and not the closet.
M. Nico & Marc: Never got the surprise kiss, what did I do wrong?
By Chris D., May 4, 2010 @ 10:33 pm
This is a fun story. I am looking forward to the next installment and many more in the future. You really are an amazing writer.
I would never have kissed my mostly straight friend, in fact, I never did. That would have been gay. I totally needed him to make all the first moves. Thankfully he was far less inhibited than I was.