My nieces Emily and Jillian are staying with us and it’s amazing what being around kids teaches you, especially in my role as uncle. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned so far:
Getting a little girl back into a wet bathing suit after a potty break is nearly impossible. Seriously, they fit into it just fine before the potty break, how does it seem to shrink twenty sizes too small during the potty break? It’s a good thing they’re tough little girls because I was yanking and pulling with all my might (which I’m sure you can imagine is quite high on the might scale) and they didn’t fuss a bit! And seriously, what’s with the millions of (read as: two) straps you need to maneuver onto their shoulders? And when I was finally able to get the straps up to their shoulders, the neckline was still halfway down their stomachs!
They always know what’s right and trick you into doing what’s wrong. After said potty break, Jillian asked if she had to wash her hands. Now, as the role of cool uncle, it’s hard to resist the urge to say “No way! Screw society! I don’t care what your parents told you, washing your hands is for losers!” then break a vase over my head and set the backyard on fire. But I compromised and said she only had to rinse them (I figured any residual germs would be killed off back in the pool anyway). As she’s drying her hands she says “You know Uncle Craig, I’m supposed to use soap.” Sigh. “You want to wash them again?” I ask. “Not now that my hands are already dry!” And scampers off back to the pool.
They have ways of getting their point across. I was given requests by the girls to do silly things as I jumped off the diving board. At one point Jillian told me to act like a clown. I acted as though I kept thinking she said cow and jumped off the diving board acting like a cow (which admittedly was more moose-like since I put my hands to my head with splayed fingers) but the girls enjoyed it. Then, no less than half an hour passes by, the jumping off the diving board game has all but ended when Jillian calls me over to tell me a secret. What was that secret you ask? “I said clown.”
Flattery will get you everywhere. You may think I mean flattering little girls will make them putty in your hand, but of course it’s the other way around. In any other universe, the last thing I want to do when I get home from a long day at work is play around in the pool but when called “the greatest person in the world” (take note, everyone!) I’ll be acting like a moose in no time.
You are allowed to say ridiculous things that make perfect sense. At one point I said “Hold on, I need to empty the water out of the muffin.” and Emily patiently waited because I was literally emptying water out of a plastic muffin they made me balance on my head as I jumped in the pool.
I’m sure there will be plenty more as the week goes on. What have kids taught you?
You are an awesome Uncle!
Kids have taught me to expect Craiggers to jump into the pool with his hands on his head fingers splayed moose-like when told to look like a clown.
Expect many MANY clown requests at the Punatabupoolparty.
*snicker*
HUGS…
Actually, The ParisPeking girls have taught me that it’s fun to tell a big tale to little girls up to a certain age. At some point, their little minds become like sponges and suck up everything you tell them like it’s the gospel truth!
I know now that when Abby asks me if I have any kids, I tell her “No.” i do not tell her that I have 16 kids, but they can’t come over to play because they’re all in jail since they were naughty and didn’t eat all their vegetables.
It’s been a year, and i STILL sometimes get asked about my kids. *SIGH*
HUGS….
I am killing myself here. That is soooo funny. That’s why some parents go for the two piece bathing suit even on little ones because they are impossible to get back on, and there are always numerous potty breaks.
Little kids have the ability to lie like crazy. I remember my daughter telling my Mom these outrageous stories with a perfectly straight face and my Mom just falling for it. Sigh. Mind you, Grandmas tend to be more gullible but they can spin a yarn like no tomorrow.
I’m not an uncle, but I will say that one of my favorite words to say is “avuncular,” which just means “like an uncle.” So now we all know you are good, dorky, fun, and avuncular!
Now that Polt knows Craig’s weakness, I expect the pool party to end like this:
Polt: You are the greatest person in the world.
Craig: Awww!
(A few hours later)
Craig: Wait, are we in Pennsylvania?
Polt: You are the most awesome person in the world.
Craig: Awww.
(A few hours later)
Craig: Wait a minute . . . why am I handcuffed to this bed?
You forgot to mention the number of times you end up asking ‘What are you doing?’ or ‘Where are you going?’ in a single day.
Or, maybe that’s just me and my nieces.
Kids have taught me that no matter how old I get, I will always get down on the floor and play matchbox cars and have the best time doing it.
I have noticed that the amount of Advil needed afterwards does increase proportionally with age.
Did Jillian tattle on you about not using soap, or are her parents finding this out just now?
LOL @ Ryan’s theory.
They’re just finding out now. I’m pretty sure my germs die in the pool theory holds true though. Especially little girl germs which only have 12% potency as real germs.
Craig: Vigorous motion in chlorinated water would work for normal germs, but you are mistaken about the potency of girl germs. According to my elementary school science education, normal germs are only 12% as potent as girl germs (scientific name: e. cootius).
Cupcake: SHHH! Geez, now my nefarious plan is out there for any and all to see! Craiggers will be ready for it, now i have to think of something even more devious….
Paul: I so agree. I do stupid shit I wouldn’t even THINK of doing otherwise. Like singing a song out loud to/with them. It’s a wonder their little eardrums aren’t punctured from the notes I hit. Or letting them climb all over me…I always remember to cup “the boys” though, I learned to do that the hard way.
HUGS…
I have learned that you can build a tree house, set up a swing set, teach them how to climb trees, and their favorite climbing toy will *still* be daddy.
Oh, also, even “kid” movies can still give a four year old girl nightmares about her toys being thrown away. Yes, I am looking at you Toy Stoy 3, thanks for that.
I’ve learned that all the little things add up to a ton of love and respect when you, and they, are older. I’ve got adult nieces and nephews who are now having children (which makes me a legitimate Great Uncle) and I’m really glad I am close to them.
Craig: You’re the greatest person in the world because you are going to skip to the end of this post and forget my first post.
Polt: I fixed everything now. Be sure to get handcuffs with some sort of padding. I’d hate for Craig to chafe.
Craig: Look here.
Oh geez – you should just have them pee in the pool. That will solve all the bathing suit difficulties.
You’d think kids would have taught me a lot. But after spending a day with 24 of them I’m too tired to think of any examples.
I have only been an uncle for just over a year, so the whole thing is rather new to me. It is amazing to see a whole new person start out. I am looking forward to when my nephew can talk.
I have happy memories of babysitting my boss’s youngest son. I remember teaching him how to whistle, and helping him type cheat codes in his video games. He really liked getting attention from me, it made me happy that he valued our interactions. Now he is all grown up! Time moves so quickly. I guess I can look forward to doing similar things with my nephew when he is older.
My kids have taught me that I have patience in places I never knew I had and that no question will go unasked. You are absolutely correct about the bathing suits, but little girl germs are extremely potent, so next time, use soap! Of course, I may be a little sensitive since we’re all just getting over the stomach flu in this house that started with my 5-yr-old and spread like the macarena to the rest of the house.
I’ve learned that its OK for an adult to watch “Wow Wow Wubzy” and “Olivia.” We all can learn some valuable life lessons from this gerbil and pig!
After 17 years of “avuncular” activity, I’ve learned that:
1) Anything whispered to another adult becomes immediately classified as “must know” information to kids.
2) Kids learn to spell faster than you expect. S-H-I-T.
3) Up until the age of 8 or 9, truly dirty references made in passing go unnoticed by children, but are great for freaking out your siblings.
4) Said siblings will worship you if you consistently take the kids to the bathroom (Craig already has this one down).
5) Kids will eat anything until they start knowing what it is. Then they will refuse to eat anything.
6) As soon as nephews are old enough to really relate to you as an adult, you have morphed in their worldview from “awesome” to “amusing”.
I, too, love the word “avuncular”. That’s because I’m pedantic, pretentious, affected, and a classicist.
I, too, am hoping Craig watched the “hug me” bunny and became mesmerized. If not, Paul can use his swirl. It has eery powers.
I am expecting Polt to provide pix and vids. (Sorry, Craig, you’re the greatest person in the world! Now go look at bunnies.)
I am an only child (the lack of surprise amongst the readers is, I am sure, palpable) so I have only ever been a “surrogate” uncle to my college, neighbor, and coworker friends’ kids. I can’t say I’m particularly good at it. But I do love their kids — some of them I really adore and have loved watching some grow up from infants to adulthood — but I have to say I *do* prefer kids on the “rental” plan — it’s nice to be able to return them at the end of the day