Hello, and welcome to another (and long overdue) edition of Puntabulous Guest Debates! Today I welcome everyone’s favorite bunny in a humansuit, John! He has come here to battle one of the most heated controversies of our time:
John: I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the last few months. All of the dancing monkeys have seemed to pick up a bad habit of referring to Josh and Enrico as “Joshrico”. Not only is this so 2002, it is wildly inappropriate because it assumes (I know you are familiar with what happens when you assume Craig) that Josh and Enrico are equal, which they are not. This debate will determine that Josh is clearly better than Enrico.
Craig: Wow! There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t know where to start! Alright, well maybe I do. Firstly, everyone knows that when you combine names, being first is just a consolation prize for being less awesome than your partner! Bennifer! Brangelina! Clearly J-Lo and Angelina are the superior halves of those couples. And along the same line, Enrico is about a million times better than Josh! He has the Latin sass of J-Lo and the sophistication of Angelina! Josh is just like boring old Ben and Brad. Ugh! Gross!
John: Well Craig, you should give up now, because if this is the quality of your argument, both you and Enrico are in trouble. The class of Angelina? Stealing another woman’s man, making out with her brother on the red carpet; oh yeah, that’s CLASSY! Oh, and if Enrico has any sass at all, would have ITALIAN sass, not Latin sass. And speaking of sass, do not most of the monkeys refer to Josh as “Sassy Josh”? The masses know quality when they see it; I’m not sure why you can’t.
Craig: Wait, so you’re saying Josh is better because??? Oh right, you still haven’t told me. And who cares what kind of sass Enrico has, he has it! Another reason Enrico is better than Josh? His blog! Seriously, have you ever tried reading Josh’s blog? It’s in gibberish! I can hardly understand a word of it! For cereal! Plus “Josh is Trashy”? Really? That’s the best he could come up with? The name “Hotel Tuesday” has a deep and powerful meaning behind it. What that meaning is, I can’t remember, but I remember reading about it and understanding what he was saying because Enrico uses actual words when he blogs!
John: Josh is so brilliant he creates his own words and style of writing. Oh and that deep and powerful meaning behind the name of Enrico’s blog, it’s from some silly song by some Michaela Twig or Marsha Tree or some other singer he fawns over, meaning it is a stolen idea! Josh, as evidenced by his January 5, 2010 blog entry, took the time to explain to his tens thousands of readers exactly what “trashy” means. Josh is a sensitive, thoughtful and creative genius. Perhaps his greatness can only be appreciated by other geniuses…
Craig: Okay, I looked it up and it’s in honor of Michelle Branch, one of the best recording artists of all time! And the song he is referencing is about lost love, which is just about the sweetest thing ever! Doesn’t that make you fall in love with him even more? And while on the subject of lost love, I’m practically lost in Enrico’s love all the time because he spreads it lovingly all across the universe like jam on toast! And speaking of music, he also loves Jewel and Morning Song in particular, which is the best Jewel song of all time so clearly he has good taste! Josh’s favorite song is probably by Ke$ha and about waking up after an all night bender in a dirty diaper or some shit like that. Gross! And trashy!
John: Everyone with a brain knows that Josh’s favorite recording artist is P!nk (who is not only more successful than Michelle Branch, but could kick her twiggy ass). Oh, and I’ve heard that Enrico spreads his love around. His blog should come with a prescription for Valtrex. Josh, however, does not hook up. Josh is so awesome that Enrico himself went all desperate stalker, as he admitted in his December 23, 2009 post, just to get close to him. I can’t blame him for wanting to be near the greatness that is Josh; he writes, he sings, he’s funny, he’s kind and have you see his photos?!? Better than “Blue Steel” and “Magnum” combined!
Craig: Puh-lease! Josh looks like he’s about 12 years old. And the fact that you just used the word “magnum” when describing a 12 year old is borderline pedophilia. Besides, everyone knows that Enrico is the hotter half of Josh(ugh)rico(yay)! Enrico is a real man who is capable of growing a thick, luscious beard that you just want to run your hands through while gently whispering sweet nothings (read as: snarky comments about stupid Lady Gaga) to. But he’s also purer than a freshly hatched baby chick, which just goes to show that regardless of his raw animal magnetism, he has the smarts to keep everyone wanting more.
John: Typical. You know you are losing the debate so you go for the insults and accuse me of pedophilia. You must be trying to emulate Enrico’s level of class. Oh, and I’ve seen Enrico’s beard; Katie Holmes is a more convincing beard. The only thing Enrico has in common with a freshly hatched baby chick is size. Seriously, you want to talk about who looks like a child, though in this case, with his paltry beard you could put a hat on him and ask him to stand in your parent’s garden as a watch gnome. Josh on the other hand is statuesque and doesn’t need a beard to compensate for a lack of height. But Josh is superior in more than looks. He updates his blog with educational content, did you know how to deal with your period before Josh posted his October 26, 2009 Monday Muse about Jill and her period obsessed family?
Craig: Um, gross. I don’t need to read about periods. Period. In fact, I don’t think anyone does. That just brings us back to the fact that like his blog, Josh is trashy. While Josh was talking about gross fluids leaking out of womens’ vaginas, Enrico was hosting Project Runway: TCNJ edition, which was a huge success and talked about all over the blogosphere. In fact, Enrico beat Josh in that very competition so we can just add Designing Barbie Clothes to the extraordinarily long list of things Enrico is better than Josh at, right above Height (because everyone knows that good things come in small packages) and right below Having Awesome Pets (RIP Richard Parker, forever in our hearts).
John: Pathetic. Using Richard Parker’s (may he rest in peace) untimely death in an attempt to garner sympathy and to cloud the facts of this case is yet another indication of your desperation in the face of a losing battle. The only fact of your last response was that Enrico did host PR:TCNJ, but you neglected to mention he won the contest that he hosted. Can you say rigged? And I’m sure that designing Barbie clothes is an important life skill that will serve Enrico well on his path to obscurity. Your “argument” of Enrico being better than Josh is full of smoke and mirrors. You provide little to no facts to support your claim and the facts that you do provide are suspect. Josh, as I have shown with concrete examples, is clearly the superior of the two.
Craig: Rigged? Now looks who’s stooping low! If your stooping got any lower, you’d be the limbo champion of the universe! Yes Enrico won the second round of Hotel Tuesday’s Project Runway (the first round was so popular, the world demanded another!) because of his incredible talents, but then he gave the title over to Michelle M out of the pure, magical, not-unlike-a-baby-chick goodness of his heart! Your arguments in support of Josh (if they can even be considered arguments) are so weak, I almost feel sorry that Josh has only you to defend his honor. Almost. Enrico is talented, dashing, pure, and hands down the superior half of Joshrico.
So who do you guys think won?
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And by your count Craig, the puntabuschlong is huge. This isn’t opposite world.
LOL! @ John. Gotta admit, that was a good one.
Cupcake: I’m not disenfranchising you! I was only humoring Craig to the point that even if your votes were discounted, I was still in the lead. Craig has so little to get him through, I though I would humor him this one time.
Craig: [\t]
John: [META]
“Craig has so little to get him through.”
And now 5/11 comments from john are demeaning the prominence and potency of the Puntabuschlong.
What is a 5/11 comment?
*Geek alert: Proceed with extreme caution*
Craig: [\t]=7
John: [META]=128+?
I looked up the ASCII
john: 5 out of (now) 12
Thank you for explaining that Ryan because I had no idea what they meant.
Oh, and as you can see by his comments, John has truly earned the title of limbo champion of the universe.
Now I get it! A little slow today, must be all the talking I’ve had to do with Craig during the debate having an effect on me.
Well, Craig has declared John Champion. I guess that settles the debate.
::whistles::
“Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack go unda limbo stick.”
Wait, when did I declare John the winner?
John has truly earned the title of [...] champion
Limbo champion! Because of all the low stooping he’s doing!
Cupcake: I less than three you.
Being dragged to hell is worth 10 points. Ryan, adjust accordingly.
I think since Enrico is the subject matter of this post that his points count twice. That’s 20 points to Craig! Ryan, adjust accordingly.
I’d be willing to make the garden gnome round worth 10 points if someone sends me an Enrico garden gnome.
Would you be willing to make the dragging to hell round worth more points if i get you dragged to hell? Can’t mail you a gnome but I can mail you a button…
Whistles:
[i]Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, the puntabuschlong is a really small…..[/i]
The way Enrico’s tossing out favours for votes I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for Josh. Poor dear, slaving away making other people famous all day while promises of buttons and life-size gnomes fly over the interwebz.
Yeah, wait until the Dave-sauraus Rex shows up…
I might be interested in the life-sized Enrico gnome, unless that’s a gnome life-sized thing. Not into midgets. But an Enrico life-sized thing, well that’d be perfect. I’d pay the postage on that package!
And I think any inclusion of anything purple (like say a shirt) is clearly worth 25 points. Ryan, adjust accordingly.
HUGS…
I have purple soap in my bathroom! 25 points! Bam!
Oh my! What a passionate debate. I hate to pick sides, but… Craig and Enrico get my vote. Because john had the gall to disparage the mighty Puntabuschlong, the most sacred totem of the Dancing Monkey Cult, and also because despite the fact that both Enrico and Josh frequently confuse me, I have actually had non-goofy conversations with Enrico. However, they are both entertaining characters, and the blogosphere is big enough for both of them.
Craig: Could you see about making the comment text box bigger? I file like I am typing my comment in a tiny peephole.
OMG! I love this post sooooo much – and not just because I’m tipsy on my cheap zip-n-dale wine! “What that meaning is, I can’t remember” made me snort. And the comments are hilarious.
So, I should side with john (since we’re almost the same person). But I ALWAYS side with Craig (at least I’m pretty sure I do). So… what to do, what to do…
john – you should start a blog!
Enrico: I have purple shampoo (thank you gray hair) so I get 26 points.
Chris: So sad. I like you too much to be mean to you for siding with Craig, but in my defense, my actual argument didn’t involve the puntabuschlong (god that is a long word to type).
Michelle M: YAY! I claim Michelle’s vote because she and I are the same person (though I know she is the superior half). And no, I rarely have anything interesting to say, so no blog for me. You however should start a blog!
Craig: Not one “Sophie’s Choice” comment, I’m a little disappointed.
I hate math and counting so I don’t care about points. Also, I have even lower self-esteem now having witnessed this debate. Thanks! <3
Michelle: I just passed your neck of the woods (or at least the 15 and Miramar Rd).
I agree with Michelle that John needs a blog. I add that Michelle M ALSO needs a blog!!!
Add my vote to the john needs a blog (which I think I hinted at in a comment above) and add what it probably my 735th vote to Michelle M. needing a blog.
Too bad Harry doesn’t read Puntabulous, or we could tell him to pressure her into it. Threaten to not get the pool if she doesn’t get a blog, or something like that.
HUGS…
I propose that Josh’s self stated low self esteem be considered humility of his utter magnificence, thereby adding to his amazingness. This makes him even more better than Enrico, which means I win the debate.
No, it means you didn’t do a good enough job defending him! 26 points to Craig!
Current Score:
Craig: 285
John: ¥
I already dislike myself, so it was nice to see someone repping my style for once!
I’m usually surrounded by so many backstabbers!
I love Meryl Streep but never saw “Sophie’s Choice.”
I WAS slaving away all day yesterday, so I wasn’t able to properly defend mahself…but whatevz! John did the best he could, considering that Craig has the hometeam advantage aka this is his blog! May I suggest that the nexxxt showdown take place on a lonely, abandoned prarie, with pistols and tumbleweeds and crying Indians and all that boring Western crap that is supposed to be manly or whatever!
Also…I LOVE JENNIFER HUDSON!
You would say that. Still trying everything you can to save yourself from falling into the black hole of obscurity that is your argument. See, this is what happens when you make the wrong choices. You’ve made your bed with Enrico, now you have to lay in it.
You must respect Josh’s superiority and concede to my victory.
NEVER!
Even Josh dislikes himself while Enrico said how amazing he (and Josh) were. Clearly that makes me victorious.
No, that is just a sign of Josh’s humility and his love of his friend. Despite his magnificence, he has sympathy for the commonness that is Enrico and graced him with his friendship. This benevolence is another aspect of how great he is. He unselfishly has tried to give Enrico *something* to cling to.
I still win!
john’s score is the yen sign???? Isn’t the conversion rate like 500 yen to the dollar? If so, does that mean john has 500 points to Craiggers’ 285?
HUGS…
Yen is character number 165.
So, my 128 + 165 + 3 = more than Craig.
I win.
Some people just can’t accept that they’ve lost miserably.
I know Craig, but admitting it is half the battle. Good for you, half way there.
john: Craig’s sense of irony comes entirely from Alanis Morissette.
If we have Team Josh and Team Enrico, who is Bella?
Oh Cupcake, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Davesaurus Rex is Bella. Where is he? Why hasn’t he commented?
Perhaps he is away? Or maybe he doesn’t feel the need to dignify your argument with a response?
Oh for the love of Our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ and all that is Holy, fine. I am here.
I was keeping a wide berth from all of this, as a year spent immersed in the world of Joshrico/Enosh has taught me that no matter who is the victor here, any involvement on my part will somehow undoubtedly put me in the wrong no matter what I say. Or not say, for that matter. So here I am.
I will say one and only one thing that hopefully brings this debate to a close, and that thing is:
I LOVE LISA LEUSCHNER!!??!?!?!?1?1!!1?!?!one!??1?!?!
Sounds like another vote for Craig if you ask me.
Current Score:
Craig: 327
John: @