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Through my site counter, I can see how people come across my blog. Many people find it by using a search engine to search for things I talk about such as “Halloween Costumes” and “The Biggest Loser”. Every once in a while, I come across a diamond in the rough. A search so unfathomably random, that I didn’t even know such searches existed. Not only am I shocked to find out what people are searching for, I’m shocked that these very searches lead directly to me.

I am the 17th listing in the Blog Search for “Lactating Boobs”.

It’s really an honor to be held as one of the leading sources for lactating mammaries on the web.

What kind of pervert does a search for “Lactating Boobs”? Does that actually turn people on? But perhaps I am jumping to unreasonable conclusions. Perhaps it was a new mother who needed to learn more information on breast feeding. (Ha!)

Whatever the searcher’s intentions were, I hope they found what they were looking for in Puntabulous Lactation.

Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:

Taurus:

Because you’re so famous for being the rock in the family, it’s tough to find you far from them, especially when urgent circumstances arise. Ready or not, prepare for that phone call — the one you’re already half expecting.

That’s funny. I didn’t realize rocks wet the bed until the age of 16.

Gemini:
You woke up with the urge to do something unlike anything you’ve ever done. To boldly go where no wo/man has gone before. Whether it’s Neptune, Sri Lanka or downtown Minneapolis, you’ll make it happen. Soon, too.

I’m pretty sure people have been to Sri Lanka and downtown Minneapolis. And then there was this one time where I thought I went to Neptune. It was really dark and hazy. I could hardly see my own hand in front of my face. But then I realized I just had my eyes closed. I was wondering how I got there so fast.

Sagittarius:

What a difference a day makes. If that’s not the truest expression ever articulated, nothing is. You’re about to discover just how true it is right now, thanks to a loved one who’ll absolutely knock your socks off.

The last time somebody knocked my socks off, a homeless guy knocked me out and stole my socks. Then he filled them with oranges and beat me with them. The sad thing was I was going to use the oranges to make marmalade and give it to him. But by the time he was done beating me there was nothing left but rind and pulp. Oh the irony.

Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:

Gemini:

You’re so proficient at center stage that you often find yourself burned from the spotlight when all you were really after was a nice, healthy glow. The fans are assembling. Better load up on whatever type of sunscreen seems appropriate.

You know what sunscreen I use? It’s called staying indoors until the summer goes away.

Cancer:

If anyone understands privacy, it’s you, so when your main squeeze timidly asks for a day or so alone because they really need some time to think, you’ll agree immediately. No fair driving by their house, though. Especially after midnight.

But if you absolutely MUST drive by their house after midnight, be sure to throw a brick through their window with a note saying “I love you” just as a loving reminder.

Aquarius:

Joint financial ventures can’t help but go well, but only if this is the second time you’ve tried to make them work. If it’s your first shot at the title together, wait. Have the paperwork looked over again.

This is the worst effing horoscope in the world! Is this really supposed to apply to all Aquarius around the world? Every single Aquarius is currently pursuing joint financial ventures? What kind of crap are the stars trying to pull on us? Don’t make me come up there!

Through my site counter, I can see how people come across my blog. Many people find it by using a search engine to search for things I talk about such as “Halloween Costumes” and “The Biggest Loser”. Every once in a while, I come across a diamond in the rough. A search so unfathomably random, that I didn’t even know such searches existed. Not only am I shocked to find what people are searching for, I’m shocked that these very searches lead directly to me.

I was the number 5 listing under the following MSN search:

MSN Search: how do super stars put in their hair weave

That’s right folks! You heard it here first! Come to Puntabulous for all your hair weave needs!

What!?

But then again, I do mention weaves in this entry: Puntabulous Top Ten

Wow. So I took this age quiz, where you answer a few questions and it guesses your age. It told me I was 24. I turn 24 on November 8th! (Mark your calendars!) That is pretty damn accurate for an online quiz with only 10 questions. You guys should take it.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what’s to come… love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You’ve had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You’ve been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:

Aries:

Love letters, romantic phone messages and cryptic notes on the Blackberry that only you can understand are all en route. Better grab a power-nap while you can, because it certainly looks like a late one.

The last love letter I got was a note from my mom I found in the lunch she packed for me in elementary school. But it wasn’t so much a love letter, than it was a note telling me not to come home. Oh mom, she was such a kidder!

Taurus:

Good news — news you’ve been absolutely praying for — is due to arrive, and soon. Don’t be afraid to get your hopes up. Start thinking about how to celebrate properly.

I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you. I’ve been praying for years and it hasn’t gotten any bigger.

My self-confidence you perverts!

Cancer:

It’s time to put your money where your mouth is. A long-distance message you’ve been dying to send is long overdue. Send it. Whoever the lucky recipient is, they’ll contact you immediately. And isn’t that the point?

I used to put my money where my mouth was all the time. But I had to stop when people said I kissed like a copper penny. I think it was only an excuse to stop kissing me though, because I only kept my bills in there. Coins were delegated to the rear vault.

Where we read the stars and Yahoo Horoscopes to tell the fortune the only way Puntabulous knows:

Cancer:

If it’s fancy, lavish or even gaudy, it may appeal to you now. That’s not your usual style, so before you plunk down your hard-earned cash, think it over — for at least two days. Why pay finance charges on a passing fancy?

Wedding rings and family homes come and go, but bedazzlers are forever. I will always cherish my bead encrusted T-shirt of Mario Lopez.

Leo:

You’ve always been friends with your mirror, and not because you’re vain. You were born with the kind of self-confidence anyone else would pay big bucks for. You’re in the mood to make that image even better. Go get ‘em!

If making out with my image in the mirror is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Scorpio (me!):

Short of tap dancing across their desk, you’ve done everything a self-respecting Scorpio could possibly do to get the attention of a certain highly influential authority figure. You won’t stop until you have it, but don’t cross any lines you’ll regret.

That’s funny, because I actually tap danced across my boss’s desk the other day. I didn’t get a promotion or anything, but I did get this shiny new paper that says I’m crazy.