Puntabulous

A bunch of people have been recommending the television show Supernatural to me lately. It looks like a good show, but I just never got around to watching it. Now Matt from Michigan has gone so far as to photoshop me an argyle’d (totally a word) version of the main characters in an attempt to entice me to start watching the show, and I have to say, it definitely helps:

Isn’t that awesome? You can click on it for a bigger version. So I guess I’m gonna have to start watching this show. It looks like a show with a heavy mythology, which I like, but it means I have to start at the beginning. I have a few shows that I need to catch up with before I get a chance to start on Supernatural (like Torchwood, Friday Night Lights, and Mad Men) but I’ll get to it eventually! Thanks for the picture Matt!

1. I’ve watched 8 episodes of Torchwood so far and I still love it. Countrycide was an amazing episode! So creepy, and I love the way they left things unexplained. And I have to say, even though I’m not exactly sure of what his role at Torchwood is (butler?) I think Ianto is my favorite character.

2. The other day I fell asleep on the train going home from work like I normally do, but this time I was in an aisle seat instead of a window one. I awoke to something rustling in my hair and it turns out I was completely leaning over into the aisle (nearly sideways) and the rustling in my hair was people trying to squeeze passed through the aisle. I opened my eyes and saw someone on the other side of the train looking at me and smiling (also known as “mocking with thine mouth”).

3. Can the Heroes writers please figure out what they want to do with Hiro? He was such a great character first season, and with the glimpse we saw of him in the future, he had the potential to evolve into an amazing badass. But now he is just floundering in uselessness. Granted, the future that made Hiro become such a badass was averted, there should still be a hint of that awesome Hiro from the future inside of him. Not a 10 year old.

4. The America’s Next Top Model finale is on tonight. My money is on McKey.

5. I have 31 Puntabulous People so far. And they are great! I can’t wait to share them with you on Friday! Please consider submitting one if you haven’t already! I’ll need them by Thursday evening in time to add them to Friday’s post. I’m also thinking of posting the drawings of people with blogs in my blogroll. I think it’ll spice up my horridly long blogroll and help the readers with blogs who submitted drawings stand out. Good idea?

I did something I hate doing. I put a book down and I don’t plan on picking it up again. Ever. Wait, it gets worse. What could possibly make it worse, you ask? It’s a Star Wars book. I know! Star Wars: Millennium Falcon to be more precise. It just wasn’t good! I got about halfway through and I hate to say it, but I just wasn’t enjoying it. The thing about me, is that I like things big. Say what? I like reading stories that are epic in scope. And when I read Star Wars books I want good versus evil, galaxy-ending stakes, that span over a series of books, with cliffhangers and battles galore!

What is Star Wars: Millennium Falcon about then? It’s a standalone adventure where Han and Leia investigate the history of the Millennium Falcon, which it turns out is a key to finding a hidden treasure. Really? Is that really the case? And they never found the clues that have been hidden on the Falcon until now? Lame. And the story is just filling in a lot of backstory about who piloted the Falcon before Han. But who wants to know all that? It takes away from the mystique of Han and his ship. According to this book, he’d only owned it for five years before meeting Luke and Obi-Wan. Who wants to know that?

So I made the tough decision to put it down. I told myself I was just going to read something else for the time being, and then go back to it, but I know that’ll never happen. Now I’m reading Hero, which was a pretty big deal about a year ago and everyone was talking about it, but as usual I’m late to the party. But I read the other day that Showtime is turning it into a series, so that’s pretty cool. The book is about a gay high school student who discovers he’s a superhero. I’m just two chapters in, but I love it already. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book with a gay protagonist before (unless you count David Sedaris, but that’s non-fiction). I didn’t realize what a difference it would make, but it’s really quite refreshing. I may never go back to breeder books ever again! Kidding.

So what was the last book you stopped reading halfway through because it was so awful?

Remember when I said Jenny Humphrey was the worst character on Gossip Girl? I was wrong. It’s Aaron Rose. “Look at me! Aren’t I just so arty with my emo bangs? I’m like a skeevy Peter Petrelli without the muscles!” Blah! Blah! Blah! “I want to show you to the city!” Muah! Muah! Muah! “Oh but wait, I want to date other people.” Blerg! Blerg! Blerg! “Oh, and I don’t drink now and I’m gonna be all judgy!” Dick! Dick! Dick! He needs to go away immediately!

NOTE: Pictures from Friday’s project will be posted this coming Friday. I have a lot of really great submissions, some of which will completely blow you away! Trust me, you’ll be sorry when you see everyone else’s drawings and you don’t have one. So get cracking!

Ever notice how all the people in my MSPaint drawings look alike? That’s because they’re all born from the same template. They’re like Lego people! For example, here I am:

But what do you look like? Right click on and save the file below and use MSPaint or a similar program to turn the blank template into an image of yourself. Be sure to save it as a bitmap (*bmp) file so it’ll be easier to use the fill-in tool. Use your imagination and add anything else you’d like! Then save it and e-mail it to me with your name, location, and blog if you have one, and I’ll post everyone’s pictures in a later post.

BOY:

GIRL:

Get to work! Have fun! Be creative! And e-mail me your beautiful creations!

Okay, so my friend (craft expert and editor) Meg is going to be on the Martha Stewart Show tomorrow (Friday) and I think you should all watch. She’s going to be on there to promote the books Sock and Glove and Happy Gloves, which she edited, and demonstrate how easy it is to make adorable stuffed friends out of old (or new, if you’re into that sort of thing) socks and gloves. Can you imagine?! Making crafts with Martha Stewart! Actually, she’s been on the show before, but she was so awesome, that they’re bringing her back to show off her mad skills once again! So do me a favor and watch (or set your TiVos and DVRs to record) the Martha Stewart Show tomorrow, and then buy the books, because you know you’re gonna want to make them yourself once you see how awesome they are and easy to make! And besides, the holidays are coming up, and these books would make a great gift! You know the old saying: “Give someone a stuffed animal, and they’ll have a friend for a day. Teach someone how to make adorable stuffed animals out of old socks and gloves, and they’ll have friends for life.” Or something. So watch tomorrow!

I’m still on the online dating scene. No, I haven’t gone on any dates yet, but there are a few possibilities. Don’t worry, as soon as I go on a date, you’ll be the first to know. But looking through profiles got me thinking of what kind of person I’m looking for, and what characteristics would lead to an automatic deal breaker. Here are some real (and hypothetical) ones I’ve come across online and previously in real life:

Read Actual Books. Oh dear lord, do not list magazines in the “favorite books” portion of your online profile. I’m not saying you have to be a book worm, but it would be nice if you’ve read at least one book in the past year. Or at least brought a book with you on your last vacation, even if you never got around to actually reading it.

Have Pictures. This one is strictly an online profile pet peeve. But seriously, have pictures. Having to ask for them is awkward and makes me feel more superficial than I really am. In order to avoid that unpleasantness, if you message me and you don’t have pictures, I will just ignore you, which somehow makes me not feel as superficial.

Smokers. We all have our vices, and yeah, that Big Mac isn’t doing me any favors, but smoking is just lame. And I don’t care how much gum you chew afterwards, I can still taste it on you. Gross.

Weird Collectibles. Okay, let’s say you go on a date. Everything goes wonderfully. Afterwards he invites you in for a drink. No hanky panky! You have your well prepared drink in hand while he shows you around his beautiful place. And then he shows you the display cabinet with his Precious Moments collectible statues collection, where you quickly count over a hundred creepily cutesy big-eyed kids reenacting every possible life experience before your very eyes. Oh, and he tells you there are more in boxes in the garage, but he ran out of room in the display cabinet. And then there’s more in the bedroom, which you only saw on the tour, and not because you broke your no hanky panky rule. And yes, you have a 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime figure, which you cherish, but it’s in your closet (out of the box!) and only occasionally played with. Baseball cards? Comic books? Sure, I can handle it. But some things are just not meant to be collected by normal people.

Be Well Groomed. Short, clean fingernails are well appreciated.

But Not Over-Groomed. Don’t have girl eyebrows. Thanks.

College Education. This one’s a bit dicey. There are a lot of reasons why people didn’t or can’t go to college. Not everyone has the support in their lives to make it an expected next step after high school. But I think it’s the aspirations that matter most. If they didn’t go because they had to get a job right out of high school due to financial or other issues, but they’ve always planned on going back at some point, that’s one thing. But if they went for a semester and dropped out because a professor was giving them too much homework, and they don’t plan on ever going back, then that’s another.

Doesn’t have a driver’s license. This is a random one, but can you date someone who doesn’t — and will never — drive? I guess it’s a different thing if you live in the city, but I’m a suburbs kinda guy. I tried the city for a year and detested it, with a large part having to do with relying on unreliable public transportation. Being able to drive myself around is essential to my life. And sure, picking someone up to go on a date certainly isn’t a disaster. But always having to be the driver? What about years from now when we’re married? I can’t always be the driver. Going on long car trips and not being able to tag out when you get tired? That just sounds rough, especially for me who hates driving for long periods of time. And what if we’re home alone and I have a heart attack and needed to get to the hospital? They can’t drive me there! I’d die! I know a few older couples where one of the partners doesn’t drive and they make it work. I just don’t know if I can.

Different Job Schedules. I leave the house at 5, work 7 to 5, and get home at 7 every Monday through Friday. I’m sorry you had that day off, but after a long day of work, I don’t want to hang out with you. I want to get into my pajamas and watch TV. And no, I don’t want to meet up at 11 on Saturday night after you get off from work either.

Lives with his Parents. Okay fine, so we’re not all perfect. I’m twenty-seven and I still live with my parents. It’s not that I can’t live on my own, it’s just that I choose not to right now. I’d rather save up for a house rather than rent at the moment, thank you very much. I always get one of two reactions when I tell people I still live at home. It’s either 1) Passive Aggressive Disgust “Does your mom still make your lunch? LOL!” 2) Envy “Oh you’re so lucky! I would totally still live with my parents if I could.” What about you? Is it a deal breaker if they still live at home?

There we have it. Writing out this list makes me feel like a conceited bastard, but I don’t think anything here is too outrageous to expect in a date. And keep in mind this list doesn’t take into account the x-factor, the butterflies in the stomach, or any of those other dreaded swoon-inducing qualities that make you go “dang!”

So what are your dating deal breakers?

Fringe is just an absolute disaster. I keep watching, waiting, wanting it to be good. But it’s no use. I’ve ceased to be remotely entertained by it anymore. The storylines are unengaging. The science is just ludicrous. The characters are all flat. The only character I find remotely interesting is the lab assistant Astrid. And she’s nobody! The only time Dr. Bishop doesn’t make me want to scoop out my eye balls with a rusty spoon is when he’s talking to Astrid and messing up her name, like when he called her Asteroid. I think I’m officially giving it up. It’s on Hulu so I can always catch up if it turns around and I hear amazing things about it. But for now, I’m done. Is anyone else still watching?

PRESIDENT JAMES BUCHANAN

I heard a conservative pundit the other day say that if Bill Clinton was the first black president (referring to a remark made by Toni Morrison in 1998) then that would make Barack Obama the first gay president, because with him as president, gays would run rampant and be all up in your crib. And by “all up in your crib” I mean “actually in your cribs, teaching your babies that being gay is okay”. I was shocked and appalled by this! I mean, didn’t he know we already had our first gay president? Wait, you didn’t know we already had our first gay president? Why of course its our fifteenth president James Buchanan who was in office from 1857 to 1861 silly!

Okay, so like most historical gays (I’m looking at you Alexander!) it’s not exactly proven, but you just know he was a big old homo. First off, he was the only president never to be married, which, you know… (::flips wrist::) In fact, Harriet Lane, an orphaned niece whom he had adopted, acted as his First Lady. It’s actually due to Harriet Lane that the term “First Lady” was used because you couldn’t refer to her as “Mrs. President” because her and the President weren’t married.

So what else made Buchanan such a flaming flame of flamocity, you ask? Well for fifteen years, before he was president, Buchanan lived with his also unmarried “close friend” Alabama Senator Gayle King William King and even then people were talking about it. Aaron Brown, Governor of Tennessee at the time referred to the pair as “Buchanan and his wife”. Also, when King was appointed minister to France, Buchanan wrote in a letter:

“I am now solitary and alone, having no companion in the house with me. I have gone a wooing to several gentlemen, but have not succeeded with any one of them. I feel that it is not good for man to be alone, and [I] should not be astonished to find myself married to some old maid who can nurse me when I am sick, provide good dinners for me when I am well, and not expect from me any very ardent or romantic affection.”

Interesting! You know what else is interesting? The nieces of both Buchanan and King destroyed all the letters between the two men after their deaths. That’s like deleting all the dirty text messages you sent when you were drunk the night before! So there you have it. Bill Clinton may have been the first black president, but Barack Obama is certainly not the first gay one. I guess he’ll just have to be satisfied being remembered as the first president born outside the continental United States instead.

NOW TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW!

Oh yes, as in A.C. Slater. Enjoy!

There are more episodes HERE but the first one was definitely the best.

In case there was any question where I got my dorkiness from, I can tell you for certain that it came from my parents. Because when I got home from having a great time in the city with Michelle, where we embraced our mutual love of musicals and soup in bread bowls, I got a surprise at the door. Mom with ice cream cake, still excitedly lighting the candles, and Dad with the camera ready:

Okay, well maybe not that dorky. After all, they did get me a bottle of Tanqueray to hold me over until my real birthday present arrives on November 18th, in the form of the Remastered Star Trek - Original Series DVDs. Yay! And then it was off to a party at my friends Jen and Rob’s place, which was also a blast. There may or may not have been Saved by the Bell trivia and I may or may not have been fairly awesome at it. All in all, I had a great birthday yesterday! Thank you everyone so much for your wishes!