Mar
23
This is how we dye Easter eggs in my family:
Spongebob and Super Viagra say: “Happy Easter Everybody!”
Here’s wishing you and your family a happy and healthy Easter from Puntabu
lous!
Archive for the ‘HOLIDAYS’ Category
Mar
21
Sorry I don’t have time for a regular post today. This is a repost from last year. Enjoy!
Well folks! Easter is almost upon us! It’s that time of year when we commemorate the death and resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. “How does the Bible say we should honor him?” you ask. With bunnies of course!
But just like God, the Easter Bunny is quick to anger, and we must fear him, so that he will not punish us with plagues, locusts, evil horsemen, or black jelly beans.
Here is a list of things you should not do that piss the Easter Bunny off:
1) It pisses the Easter Bunny off when he is not taken seriously as an actor. Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry all won Oscars when they made themselves “ugly” for their roles. What did the Easter Bunny get? An Oscar? A Golden Globe, at least?!
No fucking way! All he got was a bit part in a crappy movie about teen angst.
2) NO, HE DOES NOT LAY THE EGGS, SO STOP ASKING!!!!
3) Also, his name is not Peter Cottontail, and he wants no fucking part of your bunny trail. He’ll hippity hop all over your ass, and then slap a bitch.
4) Do not try and trick him with carrots. He is smarter than you.
5) He hates that he is considered a commercial invention to promote Easter sales. If you need examples of his Biblical roots, look no further!
Moses parts the Red Sea… or did he?
The Bunnies of Sodom and Gomorrah:
At the crucifixion:
If you fail to observe any of the above rules, you are taking your life into your own hands. Don’t come crying to me when you have crappy candy in your Easter baskets.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Feb
14
Ode to Valentine’s Day
by Craig McAnally
That wondrous day has come again,
What a magic time of year!
Chocolate! Flowers! Love abound!
But my schedule’s fairly clear.
Another year that Cupid missed,
That big target on my back.
Why won’t that little flying fucker,
Cut me a single ounce of slack?
Through the year I smile and flirt,
Sometimes I’ll even show some leg.
But rarely ever do I ever,
Fit the circle with the peg.
Please, oh please, don’t get me wrong,
There’s more to life than getting laid.
But sex is like a marching band,
And life’s raining on my parade.
Why can’t my Tarzan, take a swing,
On a vine and save this dork?
But vines are hard to come by,
When you’re living in New York.
Deep inside I really don’t mind,
Being alone on this crappy day.
I know one day I’ll find my love,
And grow boring, old, and even gray.
So, dear reader, if you’re like me,
Please don’t ever fret!
Know deep down inside your heart,
You’re the greatest soul you’ve ever met.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day with a new header featuring some of my favorite TV couples! I was just going to keep it up for the day, but I really like it, so I’ll keep it up through the weekend. Maybe I can set up one of those fancy rotating header things to switch things up every time you visit! That would be fun!
And then of course there is this, courtesy of my new best friends over at 360 - The Math Blog:
Dec
25
Christmas at my house:
My family is so backwards. And yes, that’s In Her Shoes. Shut up! That was a good movie!
I hope everyone has a happy and healthy Christmas!
Nov
26
I decorated the house over the weekend. I’m pretty sure Al Gore and Scott are gonna come kick my ass. But they’re L.E.D. lights so they save energy! But I think the amount of them cancels out any energy saving impact that may have occurred.
Here’s a closer look of the package on the roof. Go ahead, you can say it. My package is huge. Wink. And I made it out of regular strings of lights! I am awesome! As is my package. Double wink. I was totally Spiderman on the roof putting those lights up. Without the super crappy movies though. Seriously, those movies are so bad they make me angry.
How angry are you?!
I’m so angry, I manage to bring up my anger about the Spiderman movies in a post about Christmas decorations! Does my fury know no bounds? Apparently not! Sorry folks, I was out Christmas shopping and I saw all the Spiderman 3 DVDs littering the shelves. Okay, focus Craig, happy place. Three, two, one, one, two, three, what the heck is bothering me?
I’m such a sucker for Christmas decorations. The earlier the better. Squeal!
Okay, but seriously, the Spiderman movies sucked huge amounts of ass. The first one was the biggest piece of crap I’ve ever seen in my life. The Green Goblin was the least threatening comic book movie villain since the penguins with bombs strapped to their backs in Batman Returns. The second one was better, but still meh. The third one had a dance sequence. Ugh.
Oct
31
I dressed up as my friend from work today. His tattoo sleeve is real, mine is not.
Hope everyone has a great Halloween! Eat lots of candy!
Apr
4
Well folks! Easter is almost upon us! It’s that time of year when we commemorate the death and resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. “How does the Bible say we should honor him?” you ask. With bunnies of course!
But just like God, the Easter Bunny is quick to anger, and we must fear him, so that he will not punish us with plagues, locusts, evil horsemen, or black jelly beans.
Here is a list of things you should not do that piss the Easter Bunny off:
1) It pisses the Easter Bunny off when he is not taken seriously as an actor. Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry all won Oscars when they made themselves “ugly” for their roles. What did the Easter Bunny get? An Oscar? A Golden Globe, at least?!
No fucking way! All he got was a bit part in a crappy movie about teen angst.
2) NO, HE DOES NOT LAY THE EGGS, SO STOP ASKING!!!!
3) Also, his name is not Peter Cottontail, and he wants no fucking part of your bunny trail. He’ll hippity hop all over your ass, and then slap a bitch.
4) Do not try and trick him with carrots. He is smarter than you.
5) He hates that he is considered a commercial invention to promote Easter sales. If you need examples of his Biblical roots, look no further!
Moses parts the Red Sea… or did he?
The Bunnies of Sodom and Gomorrah:
At the crucifixion:
If you fail to observe any of the above rules, you are taking your life into your own hands. Don’t come crying to me when you have crappy candy in your Easter baskets.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Feb
14
Well folks, here is the obligatory miserable singleton Valentine’s Day post. To make it easier, I’ve sprinkled in cheerful pictures:
I’m twenty-five years old, and I’ve never dated anyone longer than two months.
I’ve never had a ”boyfriend”.
I’ve never had a boyfriend to introduce to my friends.
I’ve never “gone away” with a boyfriend.
I’ve never ridden on the back of Falcor.
You know what? I think I can handle the rest. But why the fuck haven’t I ridden on Falcor? What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m just going about meeting Falcor the wrong way. Am I not trying hard enough? Or perhaps Falcor is a commitmentphobe who just wants to use me for my body and then leave. But then again, maybe I’m just so good looking that Falcor is too intimidated to approach me in bars. Yeah, that’s it!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all you smug marrieds. As for the rest of you, Chubby Hubby ice cream and Lost at my house later.
Feb
8
Sorry folks, you’re not going to understand this unless you have a prior knowledge of the television show Heroes.
If you don’t watch Heroes, all you need to know is that Cupid is dead. And that’s all that matters. Down with love.
