Puntabulous

Okay fine, I’ll make up some New Years Resolutions. We all know I’m never gonna stick with them anyway, so what’s the big deal? Oh right, I need a blog post. Fine. Here you go, but I may or may not put any effort into making these resolutions happen!

Work Out More. Well I was doing good with this one for a while this year. I got up to about day 20 of the EA Sports Active 30-Day challenge before I had to stop because the arches of my feet were becoming strained and it hurt when I walked throughout the day. Yeah, it’s my own fault for being stupid enough to do the damn program barefoot, but no one told me that was a stupid idea! Now I know. I’ll give the program another shot and hopefully get through the 30 days injury free. I liked the way I felt and looked even after my short stint, so I’d like to get back into the swing of things.

Write More. I did National Novel Writing Month back in August and I kicked its ass hardcore and got my 50,000 words done, but I still have a bit more to go in completing my novel. This year I want to finish it, edit it, and start giving it out as party favors so friends and relatives can be my editors.

Date More. LOL! I try dating. I seriously do. This year I even went on a record 8 dates with the same person! I know, crazy, right? But they weren’t ready for a relationship, blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s hard not getting discouraged, but I’ll continue to put myself out there.

Save More. In 2009 I put more focus on paying off student loans rather than saving. I had quite a hefty savings account, but my car and student loans were ridiculous. I shifted gears, emptied my savings and paid off my entire car loan and a large portion of my student loans. I still have a bit more to go on my student loans, but I can feel that this is the year they go away forever. Then I need to built up my savings again so I can finally buy my own home.

Well lookie here! My first three resolutions end with “More” so I guess I’m not doing too bad, huh? But I think that means I need to start thinking of some serious resolutions. But I can only think of one that I really need to work on (otherwise I am totally perfect in every other way):

Be Happier. I need to stop worrying about work when I’m no longer at work. I need to stop being cranky with the people that love me just because I had a rough day. I need to imagine a bit more. I need to have random dance parties. I need to stop wallowing in self-pity. I need to let go of things that are beyond my control. I need to draw more Super Viagra strips. I need to write what I want to write. I need to remind myself of the real reasons why I’m single. I need to go on strolls. I need to get a hobby that has less to do with sitting in front of the television and more to do with that archery set in the basement.

I think that’s what resolutions are all about, right? Happiness. Whether it’s losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising more, getting a new hobby, it’s all about making yourself a happier person. So don’t quantify your resolutions. Don’t set yourself up for failure. If you resolve to do things that make you happy, everything else should fall into place. Here’s wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year!

So Christmas is officially over. Twas a good season of merriment and cheer. Mom made lots of her delicious homemade Bailey’s irish cream, which I like better than the real stuff. We went to my sister Amanda’s on Christmas Eve. She always puts out a nice spread of delicious finger foods and chocolate covered fruit for dessert. I got a snuggie from my cousins, which is one of those gifts you can’t buy yourself, but if someone gives it to you, you’re allowed to be unreasonably excited for it. (I may or may not have worn it the next day whilst opening presents.)

I managed to stay in my pajamas for the entirety of Christmas day. Getting dressed on Christmas is pretty much a failure at life and makes baby Jesus cry. I got loads of DVDs, including some seasons of Angel, Big Bang Theory, and the entire series of Ally McBeal, which was just as much a present for my Mom as it was for me. We started watching it the next day, and it is awesome. Mom only got into it the last two seasons when people said it sucked, but she still loved it. Anything in marathon viewing is better anyway, so I’m sure I’ll love the whole thing. Oh, and maybe I got an argyle sweater or two, or seven.

Mom also got me this awesome t-shirt. A few months ago we came across a t-shirt in Kohls that said “Adorkable” on it, with a stick figure that looked remarkably like me. But it was in the clearance rack and there was only one left and it was XXL (which I probably would have worn in high school, but not anymore). She hasn’t stopped looking for that shirt since, to no avail. So instead she went to a t-shirt shop and had this made for me. She gave the woman a description (it was the woman’s idea to add the computer) and I think it came out great. I love it!

I also got the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii and have been playing it nonstop. It is just so great to play in the style of the classic Mario games. It really brings back a lot of memories. Water worlds are still the bane of my existence. Carrying Toad through an entire world on my head is also the most annoying thing on the face of the planet. I wish I could ignore his cries for help, but I just can’t, I’m compelled to help him. But I hate him. I’m always yelling at him if he falls off and starts running away. Ungrateful bastard. If you guys have been playing and know any secrets or any locked worlds I can get to, let me know!

I also got a bajillion dollars worth of Best Buy and Amazon gift certificates from my brothers and sister. They know me so well! But what is it with gift certificates that makes spending money so hard? I could go into Best Buy at any given time and spend $100 of my own hard earned cash. But give me a gift certificate and I wander around the store for days looking for the perfect purchase. It’s like I don’t want to waste my precious gift certificate on something silly, yet I would spend my own cash on it any other time. Doesn’t make sense. Any suggestions for what I should get?

That about sums it up. Oh don’t worry, like sex, Christmas is about giving as much as it is about receiving. I got my brothers Super Mario Bros. for Wii (I have a tendency to give gifts I’d also like to receive), Amanda car mats that say “What happens in Amanda’s Jeep stays in Amanda’s Jeep” which is way perverted for a Christmas gift if you think about it, along with a framed picture of her dog Ralphie made up to look like an old-fashioned school photo. We got my parents a new big screen TV for their bedroom, tickets to Wicked, a Kindle, a Keurig, and more. We’re such good kids!

Anyway, enough about me. How was your Christmas?

In preparation for Thanksgiving tomorrow, I’ve prepared some questions along with my own answers for you to answer in the comment section.

1. Watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on television. Yay or nay?

I’m a little in both camps. I recognize that it’s usually a total snoozefest and I hate those teasers like “Coming up! Garfield!” But if it’s on, I undoubtedly get sucked into it and end up watching the whole thing and wave to Santa through the TV. Shut up.

2. What is your favorite Thanksgiving side dish? You can’t say turkey!

My aunt’s stuffing. It’s homemade and it is so incredibly good. Like, I’m sure you think your stuffing is really good and that your family’s recipe is the best, but it’s not. Her’s is. Sorry!

3. What is your favorite beverage (alcoholic or nonalcoholic) to go with your Thanksgiving Day meal?

Apple cider.

4. Cranberry Sauce. Delicious tradition, or evil jello wannabe?

Delicious!

5. What is your favorite pie?

Apple. I mean, I’ll never turn away any pie, but apple is the tops. Warmed up with vanilla ice cream. Mmmm.

6. Match the following pies with the following toppings. Apple, Pumpkin, Blueberry. Reddiwhip, Cool Whip, Ice Cream.

Apple = Ice Cream, Pumpkin = Reddiwhip, Blueberry = Cool Whip.

7. Complete this sentence: The secret to a delicious post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich is:

Meat selection. You have to pick the perfect pieces of meat, otherwise a bite into a line of fat halfway through will ruin the entire experience!

8. What is your post-Thanksgiving meal ritual? Don’t say pooping, you gross bastard!

Survivor. Normally it’s the annoying clipshow, but this year it’s an entirely new episode!

9. What is your favorite Thanksgiving Day themed movie or television episode?

Planes, Trains & Automobiles. Followed closely by the Thanksgiving Day play scene in Addams Family Values. “We cannot break bread with you.”

10. What are you most thankful for this year? You can only pick one!

Successfully completing a novel writing month thanks to my friend Meg who organized it and got our asses in gear!

Here is the final edited video of me and Amanda’s Triple Black Diamond Easter Egg Hunt. Enjoy!

For the second year in a row, after the kids find all the Easter eggs and take out the goodies inside, my brother re-hides them for me and Amanda. We call it the Triple Black Diamond Easter Egg Hunt because he hides them in really tough places. We took a bunch of video during the hunt that I want to edit together, but for now this will have to hold you over.

As we were winding down with eggs (technically Amanda had already won since she was beating me with enough eggs that even if I found the rest she would have still won) my brother gave us a hint that there was an egg in the vicinity of that pine tree. Now understand that the obviousness of this egg isn’t representative of the difficulty of the rest of the hunt. It’s just that the pine tree has the most painful pine needles on the face of the planet.

My godson Matthew on Easter Sunday 2009

I just got woken up by my nephew Jack who pointed out the window and said “Come on Uncie, it’s wake up time!” So I’m up.

Here’s wishing you and your family a very Happy Easter!

It’s that magical day! I’m not going to be all cliché and start talking about how awful this holiday is for single people, blah blah blah. My parents left a little while ago, so I have the house to myself, and no, I’m not writing this post in the nude! If anyone needs me, I’m gonna run to Best Buy and get a set of those surround sound speaker stands so I can set up the rear speakers, and then I’ll spend the rest of the day zoning out in front of the television trying to forget this dreadful holiday. Damn it! I forgot I wasn’t going to be cliché. Oh well.

Turns out the my Mom wasn’t the only one to give me a Valentine’s Day present after all! I got this in the mail yesterday from the fabulous Michelle M:

She had previously sent me The Last Unicorn after I wrote The Winged Equine Lord, and now this awesome unicorn box of chocolate, the same week I wrote my latest unicorn story. Isn’t she fantastic? Anyway, I hope you all have a great Valentine’s Day! If any of you need to get into the loving spirit, there is always THIS.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Especially to my Chinese friends and readers who are celebrating today! 2009 is the year of the Ox. But what do the animals of the Chinese Zodiac represent? I’ll tell you! In honor of today’s event I went right to the source (one of those paper placemats you get at a Chinese restaurant that my mom folded up and put in her pocketbook saying “This will make a great post.” about five months ago) to teach you what these years mean to you. I also looked up celebrities who were born in each of the years, to see if they match. Let me know if your’s matches too!

OX: 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
CELEBRITIES: Meryl Streep, Seth MacFarlane, Heidi Klum, Sigourney Weaver, George Takei, Barrack Obama
PLACEMAT SAYS: Bright, patient, and inspiring to others. You can be happy by yourself, yet make an outstanding parent. Marry a Snake or Cock. The Sheep will bring trouble.

TIGER: 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
CELEBRITIES: Tom Cruise, Jay Leno, Steve Carell, Leonardo DiCaprio, William H. Macy, Ryan Phillippe, Amanda Bynes
PLACEMAT SAYS: Tiger people are aggressive, courageous, candid, and sensitive. Look to the Horse or Dog for happiness. Beware of the Monkey.

RABBIT: 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
CELEBRITIES: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Ian McKellen, Conan O’Brien, Kate Winslet, Tara Reid, Quentin Tarantino, Mark Hamill
PLACEMAT SAYS: Luckiest of all signs, you are also talented and articulate. Affectionate, yet shy, you seek peace throughout your life. Marry a Sheep or Boar. Your Opposite is the Cock.

DRAGON: 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
CELEBRITIES: David Hasselhoff, Chuck Norris, Mary McDonnell, Reese Witherspoon, Haley Joel Osment, Wanda Sykes, Sarah Palin
PLACEMAT SAYS: You are eccentric and your life complex. You have a very passionate nature and abundant health. Marry a Monkey of Rat late in life. Avoid the Dog.

SNAKE: 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
CELEBRITIES: Martha Stewart, Tim Gunn, Sarah Michelle Gellar, J.K. Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Downey Jr.
PLACEMAT SAYS: Wise and intense with a tendency towards physical beauty. Vain and high tempered. The Boar is your enemy. The Cock or Ox are your best signs.

HORSE: 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
CELEBRITIES: Denzel Washington, Katie Holmes, Joe Biden, Oprah Winfrey, Clint Eastwood, John Travolta, Harrison Ford
PLACEMAT SAYS: Popular and attractive to the opposite sex. You are often ostentatious and impatient. You need people. Marry a Tiger or a Dog early, but never a Rat.

SHEEP: 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
CELEBRITIES: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Pamela Anderson, Mo’Nique, John Barrowman, John Krasinski, Will Ferrell
PLACEMAT SAYS: Elegant and creative, you are timid and prefer anonymity. You are most compatible with Boars and Rabbits, but never the Ox.

MONKEY: 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
CELEBRITIES: Miley Cyrus, Kristen Bell, George Lucas, Will Smith, Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Jake Gyllenhaal
PLACEMAT SAYS: You are very intelligent and are able to influence people. An enthusiastic achiever, you are easily discouraged and confused. Avoid Tigers. Seek a Dragon or Rat.

COCK: 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
CELEBRITIES: Britney Spears, Jennifer Aniston, Paris Hilton, Jack Black, Steve Martin, Jason Bateman, Jessica Alba
PLACEMAT SAYS: A pioneer in spirit, you are devoted to work and quest after knowledge. You are selfish and eccentric. Rabbits are trouble. Snakes and Oxen are fine.

DOG: 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
CELEBRITIES: Cher, Madonna, Matt Damon, Steven Spielberg, Queen Latifah, Tina Fey, Ellen DeGeneres, George W. Bush
PLACEMAT SAYS: Loyal and honest you work well wit others. Generous yet stubborn and often selfish. Look to the Horse or Tiger. Watch out for Dragons.

BOAR: 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
CELEBRITIES: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jada Pinkett Smith, Joel McHale, Sam Neill, Amy Poehler, Hillary Clinton
PLACEMAT SAYS: Noble and chivalrous. Your friends will be lifelong, yet you are prone to marital strife. Avoid other Boars. Marry a Rabbit or a Sheep.

RAT: 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
CELEBRITIES: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Samuel L. Jackson, Cameron Diaz, Ashlee Simpson, John McCain
PLACEMAT SAYS: You are ambitious yet honest. Prone to spend freely. Seldom make lasting friendships. Most compatible with Dragons and Monkeys. Least compatible with Horses.

So what year are you? Does your personality match up with what the wise Chinese food placemat says? I’m the Cock, and it sounds about right. I can be a little too devoted to school and work, and anyone who reads this blog might think I’m a bit eccentric.