Puntabulous

Recently, I have been noticing many, many groups being totally put down without the putter-downers even noticing! During the holiday season, especially, those who do not celebrate Christmas are ridiculed as “Merry Christmas!” is thrown in their faces! Well folks, I’m about to get my defend on, and today, I have the Jews’ backs!

I, as an individual whom is one eighth Jewish, am completely offended and generally put-down by this Christmas tyranny!!

It’s always, “Hey! Buy this amazing George Foreman Grill to put under the Christmas Tree “. Oh yeah?! What about a Chanukah bush, you heartless Christmas-junkie-advertising-people?!

And you know that Chanukah is AWESOME! Seriously! Did Adam Sandler not show the world so in “Eight Crazy Nights?” I rest my case. Gotcha! I don’t. Because I have WAY more crazy important/amazing points to make.

Christmas dictators go on about this one glorious day of gifts and Baby Jesus. What they don’t remind you of is how it all goes so quickly on Christmas morning. With Chanukah, you have eight NIGHTS of presents. A few here, a few there, it lasts over a week!

And you get to light candles! Who in their right mind doesn’t like fire?! Plus, you have to remember that these Christmas-Drug-Pushers keep on about the Baby Jesus, but they don’t remind you about how the Baby Jesus was a Jew, lighting his little Baby Jesus Chanukah candles. Can’t knock what the Baby Jesus did. No sir. Unless it’s soiling yourself, as babies do. You probably shouldn’t do that.

In conclusion, “Happy Holidays” is the gracious, respectable thing to yell at Quiznos employees as well as others in other instances when either you, or they, are leaving/entering a place. Because when you yell “Merry Christmas!” to me, at least, one eighth of me is totally ticked.

(I did have a wonderful Christmas though, and I hope you did too! Or Chanukah! And also Kwanza! And any other Winter-related holiday!)

So I didn’t have very many friends in high school. The few I had were really great, but with the way our schedules worked out, they were very rarely in any of my classes.

On the last day of my sophmore year, my english teacher had us all sit in a circle and throw a nerf ball around to anyone we wanted to thank, and then state the reason why we wanted to thank them.

Without any friends in the class, I watched as the ball was passed from friend to friend all around me. It wasn’t unexpected, I knew what we were getting into when we started the “game”. But obviously it wasn’t the best feeling in the world.

Did every high school have that ridiculously perfect girl in it? The homecoming queen with the quarterback boyfriend and the perfect good looks, and the perfect grades, that you would just love to hate if she wasn’t so damn nice?

Well the one in my high school was named Kerri, and she threw me the ball. And she said she just wanted to thank me for always being so nice and friendly, and for always having a smile on my face.

She obviously could have chosen to throw it to one of her several friends who were in the class, but she was too good for that. So she threw it to me.

I wouldn’t remember this incident ten years later if it didn’t mean anything to me. So this Christmas, tell someone that you think they’re nice. Because ten years later it will still make them smile.

Merry Christmas.

So last night was our company’s Christmas party. Actually, it was called a “Holiday Cocktail Party”, but they gave away loads of Santa hats and the above pictured antlers, so we all know it was really a Christmas party in disguise. There was an open bar, which is always good fun.

Here’s a list of things I managed not to do:

1) Hit on the cute hobbit that works at my company, even though he looked WAY cuter in antlers. Ask me how hard it was not to ask him about the size of his antlers. Very hard.

2) Come out to my boss. Boss was also wearing previously mentioned antlers.

3) Wear the antlers during the actual party to avoid drunken dancing antler pictures.

Here are the things I could not avoid doing:

1) Dancing. Once I see people getting jiggy with it, I can hardly control myself. I may or may not have been told that I have good rhythm. The person who told me I had good rhythm may or may not have been black. I may or may not have been more flattered because the person who told me I had good rhythm was black. Said person may or may not have been drunk and wearing antlers at the time.

2) Falling asleep on the train and missing my stop. Luckily I’m the second to last stop, so a quick call to the parentals remedied the situation easily enough. Only slight loss of respect from the parents resulted. They did enjoy the antlers though.

3) Wearing the antlers on the subway back to Penn Station because things always seem funnier with a few drinks in me. Did get a smile from a cute boy though.

And because it’s Christmas time, here is a picture of me slightly inebriated on the subway wearing antlers:

God bless fuzzy antlers and open bars.

So this weekend was dedicated to getting the house ready for Christmas. Here is the finished product!

Needless to say, there are loads of gay apparel! Including this gaudy as hell Christmas disco globe.

Would anyone care to stuff my stocking?

Here’s our tree.

Here’s our tree with the lights off.

We also deck out the den in these fancy red and green lights. Look, if you’re not going to appreciate the gaudiness of it all, you might as well stop scrolling down.

And we’re careful to line it up so one of the red lights lands on Rudolph’s nose. Dorky, but it’s Christmas!

Every year, my mom got her four children their own Christmas ornament for the year. Since there’s three boys and one girl, “The Wizard of Oz” theme worked perfectly one year! I was the Scarecrow.

It wasn’t until years later, when it was realized I should have been Dorothy.

Chewbacca knows how to bring the Christmas spirit. And the ass whoopin!

R2D2 knows the true meaning of Christmas since he was probably there at the time. R2D2 knows everything. Too bad no one knows what the fuck he’s talking about.

Mom, I don’t care how hot Princess Leia in the golden bikini is, I’m gay!

Shout out to Natalie Portman, my wife!

And another!

My family affectionately refers to this ornament of my Dad’s as “Scary Santa Head”.

Scary Yoda Head.

My parents like to reward the small amounts of straight behavior that actually happens in their family.

And what Christmas tree would be complete without….a pickle?

Not Christmas related, but here’s us kids, like, forever ago!

What a hottie!

To all potential suitors: If you want to get on my Dad’s good side, get him a Santa Claus figurine to add to his ridiculously large collection.

Like I said, “ridiculously large”.

And yes, I suppose we need to address the true meaning of Christmas, blah biddy blah blah.

I’m not sure how this tradition started, but we’ve been doing it for longer than I can remember. You’ll notice a certain someone making his way down the yellow brick road to be at the birth of Baby Jesus.

Us kids like to occasionally switch Baby Jesus for the Scarecrow. My mom says we’re “so bad” for doing so, but to take a line from “Shaun of the Dead”: we’ll stop doing it when she stops laughing.

Don’t think we forgot the outside of the house! (This is the place where you’ll be sending me my presents.)

I was all Spiderman-like and made this present out of strings of lights on the roof.

Let the holiday season begin!

For Thanksgiving every year, I like to go over the things I am most thankful for:

You have to remember the things that make you happy and be thankful of them, the pilgrims had this in mind for a new holiday while giving the native americans small pox infested blankets.

I am thankful for my new kitten, Inky. She’s nice most of the time, and loves me. She even let me wash her with WATER! She didn’t even freak out. She knew she was dirty, and knew it had to be done.

I am thankful for this cool hot dog holder from Goodwill for two fifty nine. I am using it to hold earrings and stuff. Smart Buy!

I’m thankful for perfectly cooked eggs, go Olivia on that one!

I’m thankful to be packing heat. You never know when you’re going to have to shoot a hooligan with your pellet gun.

I’m (VERY) thankful for the new Got Milk? ad. Mm mm good.

Also, indoor plumbing is always something to recognize. It’s fantastic.

I’m thankful for Craig, who began Puntabulous and gave me the oppurtunity to be thankful for him!

Most of all, I’m thankful for my friends, family, and people I don’t know that love me and read Puntabulous and leave lots of comments and tell me randomly that that last blog was funny.

Thanks to everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope everyone has a Happy and Safe Halloween!

Click here for your Halloween Costume Guides!

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There’s nothing we love more here at Puntabulous than Holidays. This year, to celebrate Halloween, here is a complete how-to guide for carving pumpkins.

Click the link for the full story!

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Nothing says: “Thanks for the college education, Dad!” quite like an e-card.

Dear Readers,

I would like to take this time to wish each and every one of you a Happy Easter and Passover.

Me being the good Catholic boy that I am, enjoy taking this time to reflect on why we celebrate the glorious holiday of Easter. Me being the good GAY Catholic boy reflect by watching “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Us gays will praise anyone who can sing and dance. (Bonus points for being Disco) Hallelujah!

But seriously folks…

Family and friends are the most important things we have in our lives. So please take this time to be with your family and friends and celebrate life in all its miraculous splendor. I for instance will be going to my brother and sister-in-laws for beer and an Easter Egg Hunt.

Just as Jesus intended.

Here’s wishing you and your family a happy and healthy Holiday.

Love,
Puntabulous

Keeping it classy with Natalie Portman, my wife.

I don’t know how Natalie got the beads.

But I’m pretty sure it looked something like this.

I don’t remember how I got my beads either, but I’m pretty sure it looked like this:

Please, please, please give me beads.