Have you ever been lying in bed at night, unable to sleep, wondering, “Oh my God…How does Olivia handle her feelings of happyness…?!” Well I have decided to put a stop to those questions for you! I deal with my happyness in extreme ways, and I’d like to share them with you.
*Warning! If you are SO behind everyone else in reading the last Harry Potter book, skip past stage eight! Because you’d hate me forever and I don’t want to do that to you.
Stage One: Letting the World Know
“Hi! Is this Latisha Forte? Great! You don’t know me, but I’m so HAPPY!”
As soon as something happens that makes me all bubbly inside, I’m sure to call as many people in the phonebook as possible, letting them know about how great I feel. The people I call don’t usually respond well to this, and are more often than not confused, but it’s fine with me.
Stage Two: Coping with feelings of Vulnerablility
“Ka-bow!”
After telling so many people about my happyness, I begin to feel vulnerable. I feel vulnerable because now everyone knows about this, and what if something goes wrong?! To cope with these feelings, I beat up nerds, like Parker!
Stage Three: Giving back to the Community
“Community service!!! Wooo!”
This is of course done by flashing large crowds of people, and apparently those people are very uninterested, as seen above. But it’s okay, because I’m in such a great mood, I don’t care!
Stage Four: Over-Excited Hugging
“I LOVE YOU GUYS!”
Eager to spread the happy vibe, I jump at the chance to hug anyone. Parker is often in the line of fire, and has learned to always expect a sneak attack. See, PERFECT hug, because he was READY! Most of the time the hugging is welcomed, but other times…well, let’s not talk about those.
Stage Five: Excessive Drinking
“LET’S JUST PARTY!”
As with other emotions, drinking is a must. After the sneak-hugging begins to get everyone pissed, I move on to the drunkedness stage of my happyness, this is just before…
Stage Six: Cage Fighting
“Ohhh Goddd…This was a really…bad…idea.”
Still in a drunken stupor, I decide it’s a good idea to try cage fighting. Of course, weighing just over 100 pounds, it really isn’t a good idea, and I go down in the first round, sporting a hot black eye.
Stage Seven: Promiscuous Sex
“Was that as good for you guys as it was for me?”
As with drinking, promiscuous sex is a must, however when happy, this stage involves mulitple partners. On a tiny couch, with a few shirts on. Sexy as HELL!
Stage Eight: Put Down Others
“And then Dumbledore DIES!!!!”
Feeling better than ever, I decide to take it up a notch by making others miserable. This involves telling them the end of Harry Potter books, episodes of Lost, and endings of movies. Notice the horrified faces.
Stage Nine: Bad Person
“It says HERE Sirius should have been way hotter…”
After making those around me miserable, and being alone, I decide to watch Harry Potter movies while reading the books just to be a bitch. Pointing out every wrong detail, I then right everything down, and send it to the director of the movie.
Stage Ten: More Hugging
“I’m still so happy! Spread the Love!!”
After the two mean stages are past, I’m still feeling full of glee and giggles, and I decide to go back to hugging. I also wear a hat in the second hugging stage and look really little.
For Puntabulous’s Stages of Sadness: CLICK HERE!
