Puntabulous

Let’s face it, there’s only one way to celebrate an election. That’s right! Meet people on Craigslist for discrete online hook ups! No matter who you voted for, everyone wins! Here are a few of my favorites from the New York listings:

OBAMA WON AND SO CAN YOU - m4w - 27

YOUNG BLACk MALE LOOKING TO PLEASE A WHITE OR LATIN WOMEN WITH A BIG BLACK ROD FOR THE NEW GENERATION.

inferior sub jew for Superior Dom White Angry About Obama Win 18-35 - m4m

If you’re a trim, white, self-centered guy between 18 and 35 who knows that he deserves to be worshipped, served and obeyed please allow me to grovel at your feet. I’m a masculine, in-shape, 53yr. jewish sub who would like to be your servant/slave, take your abuse and humiliation. Not worthy of having sex with YOU but could serve as your footstool. Like to be slapped and stepped on for your amusement, made to crawl and beg. Would appreciate any attention you allow me. Your superiority is always understood. Straight/bi/gay

Stroke my erection while I watch the Election - m4m - 25

will wear my Obama mask while you wear the McCain mask and perform fellatio. I’m only interested in the election. You need to get me to climax before all the votes are tallied but not before 95% of them are polled. Afterward, there will be an optional Ménage à trois with a 3rd party candidate.

Let’s Celebrate and have some fun! Go OBAMA!!! - m4w - 26

Single white male here in BK feels like celebrating history. Wanna celebrate with me? I have some 420 to share. Wanna meet up for a drink and go from there? Drop me a line and I will send my phone number so we can talk first. I have pics. Do you? I am into all ages, shapes, races and sizes, so don’t be shy ladies!

Celebrate Obama’s Victory - a Black Democrat Pussy Needed - m4w - 26

Black Dem pussy only.

I’m a good looking, professional, fit and fun male.

Let’s have a crazy night of celebration.

White Boy wants to celebrate Obama with Black Girl - m4w - 36

I feel so good about the Obama win, I want to experience the racial harmony I think this signifies. I want to make love to a black woman to commemorate the new day in this country, how blacks and whites will move forward together, and of course, for some hot sex.

Hot white guy 5′11, blue eyes, brown hair. I would love to lick and nibble your chocolate pussy.

I was going to search through listings in other areas, but I’m still sick, so I need to cut this post short. That’s where you come in! Yes, you! Search through the Craigslist personals in your area and leave any good election ones you find in the comment section. I found it best to search for the terms “Election”, “Obama”, and “McCain”. Happy hunting!

I hope you people are happy! I dragged myself out of my sick bed just to share this magical discovery with you. The only good thing about being sick is getting to watch all the awesome daytime television you miss when you’re at work. Normally I would just mean Regis and Kelly and Ellen, but it turns out there are some other shows out there that I usually don’t get to watch:

While I love Shrek, the DreamWorks’ computer animated never seem to have the same magic as the Pixar movies for me. DreamWorks seems to go for more of the straight forward comedy route rather than the heartwarming family adventures of Toy Story, The Incredibles and Wall-E. That being said, I want to see this (DreamWorks) movie immediately:

What’s not to love? In case you’re unsure of the plot, it’s about monsters fighting aliens. Again, that’s monsters fighting aliens. Classic 50’s style! I can’t wait! I’ll need to see Wall-E (which I loved) again before I can make my final decision, but I’d say that at this time The Incredibles is my favorite computer animated movie. What’s yours?

This is the story of when I voted in the 2004 Presidential Election. It was four years ago and I was working in New York City while living with my parents on Long Island. Oh my! Look how far I’ve come in four years! Here’s to progress! Anyway, I came home from work and went straight to my polling place because VOTING IS IMPORTANT. I waited in line and when I got up to the lady and gave my name, she didn’t have me on the list of registered voters.

“Oh no!” I thought. “Is it possible I’m still registered in Binghamton?” Because I turned 18 while in school at Binghamton and would have registered there because even when you’re a drunk college student VOTING IS IMPORTANT. But I graduated in May of 2003 and moved back home to Long Island and would have registered back on Long Island because I know for a fact that I voted in the November 2003 election, even though it was just a local election because VOTING IS IMPORTANT regardless of how small (even the school board and budget elections, because even if you think teachers get paid too much, it was really nice when we had marching band uniforms for my senior year in high school instead of the red sweatshirts we had to use the previous three years when the budget was voted down). And I would have done that on good old Long Island, so how was it possible that I wasn’t registered there? An unsolved mystery!

The lady was certain I wasn’t registered to vote there, but she directed me to another lady who said “Here, fill out this card to register and cast your vote. It’ll be mailed in and everything will be taken care of.” I felt relieved as I filled out the little card because I would be able to vote because VOTING IS IMPORTANT though I still questioned how I would have voted in the November 2003 election. Oh well. I voted and all was well!

Then I went home and changed into my normal clothes, and wouldn’t you know it? I had a date that night! I don’t remember his name, but we met for coffee. It didn’t start off well when by chance our orders got rung up together and he paid. And when I offered him three dollars for my coffee (strictly out of politeness, because I was certain he’d refuse it) he took it! My measly three dollars for a stupid cup of coffee! Oh, I’m sorry, could you not spring for it? Loser.

Anyway, while we drank our (individually paid for) cups of coffee, the topic of the election came up, and I asked “So, you voted?” and he said “No, I didn’t. I don’t even know if I’m registered.” Horrified, the date ended right there (actually it might have ended when he took the three dollars). How could he not have voted? Doesn’t he know that VOTING IS IMPORTANT? But I smiled and kept the date going because even though VOTING IS IMPORTANT, so is being polite, which people tend to forget around election time.

So the date ended and I never talked to him again because I can’t date someone who doesn’t vote. Not just for the simple fact that not voting is lame, but because it shows a lack of judgment. And while I tend to vent my frustrations with the political process, it doesn’t mean I don’t partake.

So that was that. I was still single, but still a proud voter because VOTING IS IMPORTANT and I had done my part. Or did I? Because a few weeks later I get a postcard saying: “Congratulations! You are now registered to vote! But we’re sorry, your vote in the 2004 Presidential Election doesn’t count because blah blah blah.” So there I was, single and a non-voter. I was devastated! I was no better than my date from a few weeks before! But no, I was the better person because at least I tried, and I would make amends in the 2008 Presidential Election. Plus I totally wouldn’t have taken the three dollars. Seriously, who does that?

So apparently there’s this show called Torchwood. Have you heard of it? Yeah, no one told me about it either. I had to discover it all on my own. And by “all on my own” I mean “anytime I mentioned anything — regardless of its relationship to television and/or science fiction — my dancing monkeys in the comment section managed to steer the conversation towards Torchwood and yelled at me for not watching it until they just couldn’t stand it anymore and the original dancing monkey himself John (who will henceforth be referred to as the bearer of all good things) sent me a copy of the first season”:

Wasn’t that awesome of him?! And nice handwriting, right? Anyway, it’s now one of my very favorite shows and I devoured the first three episodes in a single sitting. It’s fantastic! It’s geeky like Star Trek, but… like… how can I put this delicately? THEY HAVE SEX! And make out! A lot! Guys and girls! Guys and guys! Girls and girls! Seriously! It’s like they combined two of my favorite things! Science fiction and living vicariously through other people’s sex lives!

And when they’re not making out or saying cleverly sexual things like that time they were investigating the death of a guy who died right after sex with an alien that fed on male orgasms (seriously!) and Captain Jack said “Looks like he came and went.” there are some really great stories, with an emotional impact and connection to the characters that I was feeling after just three episodes!

Thanks again to John, the bearer of all good things, for sending it to me! Oh fine, and thanks to Polt, Tam, Dave S, digkv, Bernd, Ryan R, Chris, another Chris, Mark, Lance, Dee Loralei, ExAstrisScientia, Jum, Lunzie, Crunchy Carpets, Sven, and Scott for recommending it!

So I just finished watching the two hour premiere of Legend of the Seeker that aired last night and I have to tell you that it was awesome. Seriously, I loved every minute of it. It had some of the most incredible fight sequences I’ve seen on television, with sword fights better than The Lord of the Rings movies. They were that good. They did this thing where they would cut in these amazing slow motion shots that just blew me away. And I was so impressed with the production values. I know they usually throw a bit more money into the first few episodes to draw people in, but it was well worth it. Great fights, incredible horse chases, and even catapults! I hope they can keep it up. The story was pretty basic, simple guy (who looks good shirtless) turned warrior, evil warlords, wizards, beautiful damsels (who probably also look good shirtless, but this is The CW, not Showtime) in distress who aren’t really in distress because they’re also kickass warriors. But it was definitely interesting enough to keep me intrigued beyond the fight sequences. Did I mention the fight sequences? Because they were awesome. I got chills a few times because they were so good. People have complained that it deviates too much from the source material (It’s based on The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind.) but I’ve never read them, so I don’t care about that. Plus, turning a series of books into a weekly television series has to come with a few sacrifices. One slight complaint I have is that the evil bad guy is discussed as being the culmination of all evil, and yet he looks like just a regular man. I think it would have been more interesting if he was cloaked and hidden in shadow like a Nazgûl or the Emperor from Star Wars, but that’s just a minor quibble, and they hinted that he may be disguising his true appearance, so we’ll see what comes. Anyway, you should definitely check it out! It was awesome! Go to the official site to learn more and see when it’s playing by you.

Here’s a clip of the first ten minutes, and yes, it includes our hero’s shirtless chopping wood scene (LOL…wood):

Hope you guys have a great Halloween! Stay safe and send me all your Reeses! In honor of Halloween, tell me what the scariest movie you’ve ever seen is! Mine is Event Horizon. It’s such a dumb movie (as if being directed by Paul W.S. Anderson of Mortal Kombat and Alien vs. Predator fame didn’t tip you off) but it still manages to scare the crap out of me. I’ve seen it once and I refuse to watch it ever again. I couldn’t even be in the same room when my friends watched it in college because just hearing it reminded me of how scary it was. “Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes!” EEK!

Okay, so remember way back when I watched The Dark Crystal for the first time? No? Oh. Well I did. It was also during the phase where I inserted (this time quite literally) myself into movies via MSPaint. I was on a mission to watch all the 80’s fantasy movies I missed out on in my childhood. Anyway, I can finally say that I saw the following movies!

Netflix #48 - Labyrinth - Jennifer and ctina

While I love seeing Jim Henson creations in action, I wasn’t too impressed with anything else this movie had to offer. I thought the best moments of the movie were when the muppets were front and center doing muppety things. I loved the giants scaredy cat Ludo and courageous Didymus, who were by far my favorite parts. But the story was pretty meh and Jennifer Connelly kinda got on my nerves. David Bowie was fun, but the musical numbers were just kinda out of place. So it was fun, but mainly because anything with muppets is fun. Except Muppet Treasure Island.

Netflix #49 - Legend - JoeG

This one was definitely the most well made of the 80’s fantasy movies, and I suspect it had the largest budget. And did you know it was directed by Ridley Scott? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, the special effects, costumes, and set design were all extremely well done, but I thought the story was completely lacking. It was a pretty generic fantasy where the bad guy (who was awesome by the way) wanted to take over the world, and for some reason that always seems to include marrying a fair princess. Couldn’t he focus his energy on conquering the world first, then worry about getting jiggy with it? And Tom Cruise was a pretty bland hero, with little else beyond a pretty face, which isn’t as pretty these days when you know how crazy with a capital K he is. All in all, I enjoyed it, but more because of the design of it rather than the story itself.

So which is the best 80’s fantasy movie?

Now that I’ve seen The Neverending Story, Willow, The Dark Crystal, Legend, and Labyrinth. I can officially state that The Neverending Story is by far the best 80’s fantasy movie. I just think it has the best story and characters (Falcor! Atreyu! Artex!), and I love the theme of children’s imagination being all powerful. I even watched it again after watching Labyrinth and Legend just to make sure I wasn’t giving it more credit than it deserves, and no, I wasn’t. It is pure awesome.

The King of the unicorns fell in love.
But not with another unicorn.
With a simple, everyday horse.
And the other unicorns scoffed,
As he tried to make her their Queen.
His Lieutenant banished him from the tribe.
“This is an abomination!” he cried.
And together they fled into the woods.
On the night she gave birth to their son,
He comforted her with stories of Unicorn lore.
Of the winged Equine Lord.
Who it was told would be born from love and sacrifice.
“Our love will bring him into this world,
And the sacrifice of my Kingship will make him above all.”
But when their son was born, there were no wings.
And no horn.
He was but a simple horse like his mother.
Plain yet beautiful.
But the woods were no place for a foal,
Especially one with no magic to protect him.
So they brought him to the unicorn tribe,
And begged them to take care of him.
The once Lieutenant then King agreed and hissed:
“Be grateful he doesn’t have a horn!”
The mother did not understand.
However the father knew just what he meant.
For if a horse was born of less than pure unicorn blood,
Yet bore a horn, it would be considered a “false horn”.
And the foal would be put to death.
Together, weeping, they fled back into the woods.
As the years passed by,
The child knew nothing of his true family.
All he knew was cruelty and hate.
No one would tell him why he looked different.
But he knew that it was the reason for their scorn.
By the time the child grew to be a Colt,
A Usurper was seizing the world in its hateful grasp.
All good creatures of the world united together.
And on the grassy plains, they fought as one.
Unwanted and thought useless the Colt followed the unicorns into battle.
As this was his world too, and he intended to fight.
And when a minion of the Usurper loosed an arrow upon the unicorn King,
The Colt intervened and took the arrow upon himself.
He fell to the Earth but smiled into the face of Death.
Because even when surrounded by such cruelty,
He knew nothing but love.
And the moment he died, his true parents arrived.
Though seeing him for the first time since his birth,
They fell upon the ground weary from battle and heartbreak,
Knowing that he was their son.
Even the unicorn King finally felt remorse for his wickedness.
All around them the battle raged on.
But the small group remained still in their sadness.
While the air was calm, the hair of the Colt began to flutter.
Like tall grass in the wind.
And to their astonishment the Colt lifted himself up.
Nearly twice as large as before, and gleaming as though carved from pearl.
He shook his body like a dog out of a lake.
And he spread his wings to reveal his true form.
For his love and sacrifice made him what he was.
The winged Equine Lord.
He rose up into the sky, mighty and wise.
But still with that Coltish smile he cried:
“The battle is far from over, my friends!”
And together they charged.

Robin introduced me to this song back in college and it has grown to be one of my most favorite songs ever:

There’s a much better quality studio version out there, but it’s not on iTunes or YouTube, so you’ll have to use some unconventional means to get it. Or maybe if you e-mail me and ask nicely I can send it to you.