Why is it that taking decongestants dries out every ounce of my body, to the point where my lips are chapped, and I feel as though I could dip my finger into Lake Champlain and absorb all of it’s contents leaving only the mysterious lake monster Champ behind, and yet my nose continues to be stuff up beyond belief, turning me into a mouth breathing crazy person?
I’ve been wanting to see Tron: Legacy. Not dying to see it mind you, just wanting. And then yesterday I saw a commercial for it that made my skin crawl. It was during the lightcycles scene (which looks amazing btw) and after a crash, the main character shouts my most hated movie line in the history of movies:
“That’s what I’m talking about!”
or the alternate:
“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!”
Seriously, why is this line allowed to be in movies anymore? Can’t we just leave it as a fond relic of the 90′s when we enjoyed movies where Will Smith punched aliens in the face? And do people actually say this? Come on, say it out loud, it’s frakking awkward as hell to say. I implore you to say it aloud without feeling like a total douche. It’s impossible! So what do you say, Hollywood? How about we lay that line to rest?
What common movie lines drive you guys bonkers?
There are plenty of things to complain about when it comes to Glee:
1. Characters who act out of character. (Whoa, trippy!)
2. Storylines that come and go faster than me. Artie and Puck are best friends now? Oh really?
3. Kurt’s Dad, Finn, and even Finn’s Mom giving speeches about how amazing Saint Kurt is at the wedding. If I were Finn, I’d be pissed!
4. Don’t these kids ever go to class?
5. Why does Glee meet in the middle of the school day?
6. Bullying as a punchline (rightfully so, since it is a comedy after all!), except when it’s against Kurt, then it’s deadly serious. “I’LL KILL YOU!”
7. How come Sam isn’t the Navi-spewing dorky jock he started out as?
8. How did Kurt transfer schools so quickly?
9. Blaine and the Warblers being all creepy “Be yourself, BUT FIT IN!!!” Children of the Corn people.
10. A TIE?!?!?!
But the one thing I’m so tired of hearing people complain about it auto-tune. Seriously, enough people! It’s like auto-tune suddenly became the new buzz word for Glee haters. It’s freaking pop music! Pop stars work on their albums for months and they still auto-tune the shizz out of them.
Glee needs to crank out these episodes like crazy, so excuse them for trying to make things easier with a little auto-tune. Show me a pop song or a modern movie musical that isn’t auto-tuned. Besides, these kids need to be act, dance, and be hot, so the argument that they should just pick better singers goes out the window.
It doesn’t help matters that people who complain about the auto-tune act as if the singers sound like robots, which is completely not the case. OMG THIS IS AUTO-TUNED WITHIN AN INCH OF ITS LIFE!!! Really? Since when did everyone become such music connoisseurs?
So how about we just drop it okay? Thanks. Or if you’re one of those auto-tuned Glee haters, please explain yourself properly in the comments.
I just saw this while I was going on my lunchtime walk. (I wonder if I’ll have time for lunchtime walks when I start my new job? Doubtful.) The front car is about a half inch away, and the rear car is actually touching.
I don’t think Austin Powers would even be able to get out of that one. It’s just another reason why I hate the city. It’s just plain ridiculous. I’m reminded of the Onion article:
In addition, 3 million New Yorkers reportedly left the city because they realized the phrase “Only in New York” is actually just a defense mechanism used to convince themselves that seeing a naked man take a shit on a park bench is somehow endearing, or part of some shared cultural experience.
Only in New York! (And other shithole cities.)
This Citibank commercial runs every morning at the same time when I’m getting ready for work and it drives me bonkers:
“We even linked our Citibank account to his, so when his account ran low, we just transferred funds!” Oh, is that how college works? Go study in France and mommy and daddy will take care of everything? Awesome! Those whippersnappers get away with everything! Meanwhile, the SUNY Binghamton campus actually had a $5.00 ATM. Not an ATM that costs $5.00, but an ATM that allows you to take out money in increments of $5.00. That came in handy not just for taking out tiny amounts of money to get by, but also gave us the wonderful story of my friend Sarah thinking she had to take money out that ended in 5: $5, $15, $25. Oh the memories!
Like marriage, turning left onto a major road is a privilege, not a right. After the influx of additional traffic lights in our town, it became apparent to me that the problem can broadly be defined by residents of smaller roads not wanting to wait at intersections longer than they feel is right. But when looking at the situation a bit more precisely, the problem is better defined by people thinking they should be allowed to make lefts onto major roads at all times.
I live on a road that intersects with the main street of our town, aptly named Main Street. I know that if I want to make a left onto Main Street between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, rather than turning from my block directly onto Main Street, that I need to take a few additional side roads to get to a light that will allow me to make a left easier. It adds about thirty seconds of travel time, but that time is made up by not having to wait at the intersection for the opportunity to make a left.
In addition, the main shopping center in our town has a single-laned exit with no traffic light. If a person wishes to make a left out of the parking lot, they can hold up an entire line of traffic to make a left onto Main Street. Meanwhile, there is a parking lot across the street from that intersection with two entrances. If you make a right onto Main Street, you can easily turn into the parking lot across the street, then make another right onto Main Street, which will send you in the original left direction and on your merry way.
Basically the point I’m trying to make is that if we required it to be easy to make a left onto all main roads at all times, nearly every intersection would have a light at it. Yes, I understand that lights are most certainly necessary at some intersections, but there are ways of getting places without having to make a left onto a main intersection. In the situation I described above, it’s even faster to make the right and use the parking lot across the street to turn around than waiting for an opportunity to make a left. So really what I’m trying to say is, drivers suck and everyone should be as wonderful as me. THE END.
As I was walking to work today I saw someone who looked to be approximately my age smoking out of an old fashioned wooden pipe. He was hustling to work just like everybody else and smoking out of a pipe seemed like no big deal to him. “What a douchebag,” I thought. Yes, that may seem harsh, but it got me thinking about people who only do stuff that meet certain requirements they’ve set for themselves. Snobs, if you will. But not snobs in normal everyday life, just snobs about certain things. Examples I’ve heard in the past include:
1. Only being able to drink Starbucks and refusing anything else. Really? Dunkin Donuts coffee is delicious, stop being so elitist!
2. Refusing to go to a movie theater that doesn’t have stadium seating. Oh really, you want to drive half an hour longer to a more crowded theater and pay double the price just so you can have your precious seat?
3. Only eating sushi that is imported overnight directly from Japan. Okay, no, I haven’t really met anyone like that, but I have met people that don’t like going to a certain type of restaurant because surely it isn’t as good as what they’ve had elsewhere.
4. It’s dijon or nothing!!! I’m half kidding about this last one, put your pitchforks away.
Let’s not beat around the bush, these people are snobs. These people didn’t start out in this world any different from you and me, but they’ve conditioned themselves to only like things a certain way. I can’t be certain that the guy I saw smoking out of the pipe is one of these people (“Oh, silly child! Cigarettes are so plebeian!”) but it got the big red playground ball in the brain rolling. I tried to think of things that I can be snobby about and — not to sound all high and mighty (“snobby”, one might say) — but i really couldn’t think of any. I was joking the other day with my parents about how I could hardly make out what was happening on their television screens since their DVD players were so blurry compared to my blu-ray, but obviously I was joking and haven’t reached that level of snobbery yet. I almost never turn down going to a movie or going out to dinner due to what we’re eating or seeing, and if those decisions haven’t been made yet, I usually leave it up to the other people to decide because I really don’t give a damn.
That brings me to the question of the day. What are you snobby about? Or if you’re perfect like me (yeah right, no one is as perfect as me) what other snobbish habits have you come across with other people?
1. The song Airplanes by B.O.B. [feat Hayley Williams] drives me bonkers. I love the chorus by Hayley, but the verses by B.O.B. are so obnoxious. “Oh boo hoo, I’m making tons of money for doing something I love! I wish I could go back to the good old days when I had no money and was rapping on the streets!” ::cries and blows nose in $100 bill:: Um, shut the frak up! I can appreciate the concept of wanting to go back to when life was simpler (college, anyone?) but when there are millions of artists struggling to break into the business (and this goes for any artistic endeavor, not just music), you shouldn’t throw this song in their faces.
2. Why do Digital Copies of movies that come with DVDs and Blu-Rays expire? If I’m buying something that says Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital Copy combo pack, I should be able to get the Digital Copy! Case in point, I bought Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince the other day, which included all three copies of the movie, but after reading the fine print, the Digital Copy expired in May. Say what?
3. I, like most people, love the story of JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater quitting his job in the most awesome way possible, by cursing out the passengers over the intercom, grabbing two beers, and leaving via the emergency inflatable slide. But most people seem to be focusing on the fact that he’s a working class hero for quitting his job, as if the important thing was sticking it to JetBlue. But as far as I know, JetBlue is a really swell company to work for. The focus should instead be on the passenger who got out of their seat early, hit Steven over the head with their luggage and wouldn’t apologize, which started the whole thing. How about we all be nice and not be trolls to each other? How about we make him a hero of good manners instead?
::inflates emergency slide and slides to freedom::