So this weekend was the big Puntabulous Pool Party! People came from all over the country (California! Pennsylvania! Washington DC! New Jersey!) and beyond (Oh, Canada!) for this shindig! Not only was it amazing fun, but it was also quite the learning experience! Here are just a few things my dancing monkeys taught me! Why am I using so many exclamation points?!
Michelle M: Michelle M. taught me that not all California Gurls wear cupcake bras that shoot frosting out of their nipples. Believe me, I checked.
Harry: I learned his name is actually Terry. He also takes offense when you check to see if his wife is wearing a cupcake brassiere.
Tam: Tam taught me that not all non-Americans are terrorists. Just Canadians.
Kristen: I was made aware of the fact that Kristen is the sweetest thing imaginable and incapable of being corrupted by pervy bloggers. Except for Adam. Hence the “We’re up to no good” looks on their faces.
Mikey: I found out that Mikey’s beard is actually an elaborate facial weave made from the fur of baby seals he clubs himself and later dyes with octopus ink. He is capable of growing his own beard, but enjoys the sport of clubbing seals and wrangling octopi.
Adam: I learned that the back of Adam’s knee smells like pink Starbursts.
Enrico: I found out that Enrico is short and speaks in all capital letters. It doesn’t really say A-DORK-ABLE on my shirt, that’s just Enrico’s text bubble.
Josh: I learned that Josh can charm the pants off of anyone but Stephen.
David: I learned that David’s name is most certainly not Stephen.
Chris D.: I found out that Chris D. has got some serious swagger, with the sunglasses and subtle spread of the legs to prove it.
Paul: Paul lives in my town and I found out that he’s the reason why all the local stores are out of stock in pink shorts. He has the whole island’s supply monopolized. ::shakes fist::
Polt: Polt showed me that while he may be wearing a Superman shirt, he has the child-like innocence of Jimmy Olsen. And the vagina of Lois Lane.
Jere: I learned that there isn’t a hat Jere can’t make look good, and a camera he can’t refuse to tongue.
Fdot: I found out that FDot makes really awesome cookies and isn’t offended when you eat so many that you throw up in his shoe when he isn’t looking (even if he’s wearing them at the time).
Justin: Justin taught me that Adam gives great head.
VUBOQ: I learned that parties don’t start till VUBOQ walks in (and brings all the good alcohol).
Nathan: Nathan taught me that American beer is actually just the piss of Canadian beer makers. Also, Canada is better than America in every way possible.
Natalie: I learned — once again — that Natalie Portman, my wife, is a dirty slut.
Mom and Dad: I learned that Mom and Dad are pretty awesome, which admittedly I was already pretty sure of. And my Dad has an unconventionally large head.
Lastly, I’m sure we all already knew, but could always use the reminder that bloggers (and friends and family of bloggers) have no shame:
So yeah, it’s a good thing I’m so smart, or else all this learning would have fried my brain more than the sun did. Seriously, the sun is hot, y’all! Anyway, what a fantastic weekend! I had an amazing time! Thank you to everyone who came! And thank you so much again for the wonderful park bench, graphic novels, and argyle tie!
